Why Are You Here… And What Are You Wearing?

MTV has not been a music television channel for around a decade. Therefore, being the “star” of an MTV show should not grant you access to the Grammys. And anyone larger than Kate Moss should know better than to wear skin-tight horizontal stripes.

On the plus side, she’s not wearing a Bump-It. At least, not on her head.

Dressed to Win

The girl loves her sparkly gowns, but this is a much more mature look for her. The color and neckline are unusual and stunning. This is how a girl dresses when she knows she’s going to win. I would’ve liked her hair to be down, since her hair is insanely gorgeous, and that hairstyle does nothing for her. But kudos, because a pretty girl in a pretty dress is a good thing.

Why? Because She Can

Lady Gaga once said that she dyed her hair blonde because she was concerned that if she stayed brunette, people would confuse her with Amy Winehouse. That was the first thing I thought when she stepped onto the red carpet last night – something about the big hair and retro makeup felt fabulously Amy (pre-substance abuse). Anyway, this outfit is terrifically tame as far as Gaga ensembles go. I actually love it, because it bears a semblance of a gown and a sculpture, instead of just pure insanity. It reminds us that fashion is art and art is fashion in a beautiful and modern way. I even sort of dig the bright yellow hair extensions, and I definitely love the little diamonds all over her body, a la Britney in Toxic.

The point is, if I were Gaga (and let’s be honest… I am), and I had the opportunity to dress in off-the-wall costumes designed just for me, I’d do it. She’s innovative and talented and fascinating, and I expect nothing less from such a person.

At Least She’s Alive

Yes, Britney is wearing a sheer piece of lace over a black leotard, which is generally unforgivable. But her hair and makeup actually look beautiful, and more importantly, she looks happy and healthy. Let’s be honest, that’s a rarity nowadays, and I’m just genuinely glad that this girl can make it out of the house with a smile on her face. After a nervous breakdown of that magnitude, under that amount of media attention and scrutiny, that’s all we can expect from Brit right now. Maybe in a few years, I’ll expect her to wear pants, but for now, I’m just happy she’s okay.

You Won’t Be Invited Back

At first glance, she’s just another idiot with over-processed hair and an ugly dress. But the close-up says it all. That makeup is what I look like the morning after the Rocky Horror cast party. Same for the hair, actually, but mine is one shade of brown instead of eight shades of blonde. And it doesn’t have feathers in it. Or are those earrings? Wait, is she seriously wearing a gold flapper dress? And does she really insist on having a dollar sign in her name? I give it another six months before we forget about her. Go have another cocktail, honey. Enjoy your fifteen minutes while you can.

Four in a Row!

Well, she’s done it again. My little sweetheart/alter ego was probably the only person on the red carpet last night who looked beautiful, classy, and interesting. She looks thin as hell (but I hope she doesn’t lose another pound – she’s a stomach flu away from far too skinny), her legs look long (not an easy feat on a petite girl – can you believe she’s only 5’2″?), and the dress is not only adorable, but very different from the other three looks she nailed in the last month. I don’t have anything new to say about my favorite diva, but I hope she keeps it up.