The Week in Celebrity Fashion: Stars at Fashion Week and More!
Posts tagged:dianna agron
The 2011 SAG Awards Red Carpet
The 2011 Golden Globes Red Carpet
Boring was the theme of this particular red carpet event, but that won’t stop this Diva from giving you fascinatingly bitchy commentary! Without further ado, the 2011 Golden Globes.
The Week in Celebrity Fashion: Featuring the Glee Cast & More
Your slightly delayed (forgive me, as law school kicks my ass) weekly celebrity fashion recap. Check back later tonight for the Golden Globes red carpet post!
Glee Goes Lolita: GQ’s Controversial Photo Shoot (NSFW) (Updated)
*Updated Thursday morning with quotes from the Parents Television Council, GQ‘s editor-in-chief, and Dianna Agron herself!
As you may know, I have a history of complaining about Glee cover stories. But a picture’s worth a thousand words, which is more of the article than I can read without a GQ subscription, so let’s see what GQ’s controversial photo shoot tells us about Glee, and by extension, the universe.
From the little I read of the article, it’s completely unrelated to the photos. They report Glee as it is: lots of nice kids who work hard, joke around, and don’t fuck up, even as they hurtle at breakneck speed into fame. So why do the photographs look like they were confiscated from a raid on How to Catch a Predator?
Ask Terry Richardson, the photographer of this shoot who faced serious allegations of sexual harassment from many of his former clients and employees merely six months ago. Some industry insiders write him off as a “big personality,” but many models have come forward accusing him of coercing them into sexual acts . Model-filmmaker Rie Rasmussen said that he “takes girls who are young, manipulates them to take their clothes off and takes pictures of them they will be ashamed of. They are too afraid to say no.” He claims he’s artistically documenting his own sexual exploits, but others say he finds models willing to do nude photo shoots and pressures them to take pictures of him naked and allow themselves to be photographed performing sexual acts on him. Yes, dear readers, this was the photographer they thought was appropriate for the Glee photo shoot. I just want that creepy image in your mind while you look at these even creepier images. Let’s start the show.
The Cover
Dianna Agron in a Betsey Johnson bra & cardigan and A.P.C. skirt; Cory Monteith in a Gant Rugger rugby shirt and Gant by Michael Bastian pants; Lea Michele in Victoria’s Secret bra & panties, Relwen sweater, Falke socks and Michael Kors heels
A man with a barely-clothed woman on each arm, and a hand on each scantily-clad ass, just the way God intended it. For God’s sake, this is GQ, not Maxim. Did Lea Michele really need to be pantsless? And what’s with her blow job lips? There’s something about that open-mouthed, wet-lipped porno mouth that is totally nauseating. Dianna looks like a nun in comparison, but she’s still showing a helluva lot of skin. But are they Dianna, Corey, and Lea, or are they Quinn, Finn, and Rachel? The schoolgirl outfits for the ladies and varsity jock wear for the man point to the latter.
They continue the good clean fun in this shot, in which I can focus on nothing but how ashamed I am of the the strongly negative reaction I had to Lea Michele’s nose. (I believe I screamed, “WE’RE JEWISH WOMEN! WE DON’T PHOTOGRAPH IN PROFILE!” But honestly, as Fanny Bryce would say, she’s an “American beauty rose with an American beauty NOSE!”) But the blow job lips are ever-present. Cory looks post-coital, Lea looks mid-coital, and Dianna is fucking Terry Richardson with her eyes (I hope only with her eyes). But at least everyone is basically clothed!
Dianna Agron in a vintage cardigan, Victoria’s Secret bra, Spicy Girl shorts; Cory Monteith in a Dolce & Gabbana sweater, Gant by Michael Bastian shirt, Band of Outsiders tie, Club Monaco pants, Timex watch and Smart Turnout watch strap; Lea Michele in a Michael Kors cardigan, Betsey Johnson bra, American Apparel shirt and Falke socks
Finn is in three shirts, a tie, and pants, while the girls wear glorified panties. And again, it’s the girls surrounding him, focusing their bodies and attention on him, while he gropes them and smiles dopily for the camera. (Not blaming Cory for that, though.)
Dianna Agron in a Brooks Brothers cardigan and skirt, Victoria’s Secret bra, Antipast socks and Yves Saint Laurent shoes; Lea Michele in a Rag & Bone blazer, Betsey Johnson bra, American Apparel socks and Miu Miu shoes; Cory Monteith in a Gap hoodie, J.Crew shirt, Fred Perry tie, Gant by Michael Bastian pants
I can’t even get offended by this picture because it’s such a terrible photograph. Dianna and Lea look like pre-op trannies and Cory seems to STILL BE WEARING LAYERS! And now that we’re in what is undoubtedly a high school setting, I’m becoming more uncomfortable with how Lolita this is getting.
Dianna Agron in a Lacoste shirt, Betsey Johnson bra, American Apparel skirt, Miu Miu socks and Christian Louboutin shoes; Lea Michele in a vintage Melet Mercantile tee, American Apparel panties, Hue socks and Christian Louboutin shoes
Lea: Ohmigod, Dianna! There are books here! Let’s take our clothes off and throw them around and jump in the air, because that’s what schoolgirls do!
Dianna: Okay, Lea! I’ll bend over and get ready for some penetration!
Lea Michele in a vintage Melet Mercantile tee, Victoria’s Secret bra, Calvin Klein panties and American Apparel socks
Why is she wearing a baseball tee and athletic socks? I mean, she’s not athletic. She’s in the show choir. Also, why wouldn’t she be wearing pants at her locker? That seems kind of unreasonable. And… um… does she know that’s a lollipop? Because something in her expression makes me feel like that is way more than a lollipop. Ugh. I’m getting the heebie-jeebies.
Seriously, Terry? A Lolita-ed up high school choir priss, holding a lollipop, playing with her hair, wearing little boys’ sports clothes, lingerie, and Barbie heels, and showing you her twat? That’s really original. I don’t think anyone’s every wanted to fuck a schoolgirl before.
Again, my issue here is: I don’t like the blending of underage characters with overtly sexual photo shoots. If Terry photographed Lea, Cory, and Dianna in the nude, I’d be fine with that if they weren’t in character. They’re all in their twenties and mature adults. But keeping them in McKinley High, so that we have to think of them as sixteen-year-olds when we look at them naked? Is that really necessary?
Cory Monteith in an Armani jacket, Calvin Klein shirt, Uniqlo tie and Diesel jeans
Look! Cory is STILL FULLY CLOTHED IN MULTIPLE LAYERS. And he’s the only one who looks awesome in what he’s wearing, because, you know, he gets to wear clothes. That tie is pretty cute.
Cory Monteith in a Gucci coat, Gant Rugger sweater, and Diesel jeans
He’s still fully clothed! And that coat is stunning. Cory’s the only one who gets to wear anything interesting (because he’s the only one who gets to wear anything at all).
Dianna Agron in a Michael Kors sweater, Victoria’s Secret bra, D&G skirt and Christian Louboutin heels
Ah, the sexy cheerleader: inspiring slutty trick-or-treaters for decades. But I don’t know what’s more distracting – the fact that I can see her fallopian tubes from here, or the giant red pennant pointing right into her ass. Do we really need a “look at my twat” shot from Lea AND Dianna? I’d think one would be enough.
They kept Dianna consistently more clothed than Lea, even though Quinn is supposed to be the sexy one and Rachel is the virginal priss. Dianna’s certainly not covered up, but she’s also not tearing off her clothes or silently offering you a blow job through the camera. At least she looks strong and empowered in some of these shots, whereas Lea only looks like a child prostitute.
And the white socks? In every shot? You don’t have to drive home the schoolgirl point any harder, Terry. We get it.
So? Did you take offense to any of this? This Diva does not blush at a little nudity (or a lot), but the objectification of women and especially the pornification of young girls is something she strongly opposes. This is not about loving or hating Glee. This is about why these girls – and only the GIRLS – to dress like jailbait and rip their clothes off. The stark contrast between Finn and the girls proves that this isn’t about objectifying Glee, or the subjects of your photography in general. When you put two naked schoolgirls on the arms of a fully-clothed man for an entire photo shoot, you’re making a statement. A statement that we should probably look for your name on our local Sexual Offender Registry. Or at least a statement about the role of women: In this shoot, we’re mere objects to be dolled up and stripped down for your viewing pleasure.
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Update 1: The Parents Television Council’s statement, and GQ‘s response to the controversy
The Parents Television Council released the following statement regarding this photo shoot:
“It is disturbing that GQ, which is explicitly written for adult men, is sexualizing the actresses who play high school-aged characters on ‘Glee’ in this way. It borders on pedophilia. By authorizing this kind of near-pornographic display, the creators of the program have established their intentions on the show’s direction. And it isn’t good for families.”
And Jim Nelson, editor-in-chief of GQ, responded with the following:
“The Parents Television Council must not be watching much TV these days and should learn to divide reality from fantasy. As often happens in Hollywood, these ‘kids’ are in their twenties. Cory Montieth’s almost 30! I think they’re old enough to do what they want.”
Really, Jim? Is it us, the readers, who are too stupid to “divide reality from fantasy” and understand that these are 20-something actors? Are you actually going to entirely ignore the fact that these women are photographed in undoubtedly high school settings and dressed as pornified school girls? Dianna is holding a (very phallic) prop that says WMHS, which is of course William McKinley High School, the name of the school they attend on Glee. I’m not sure we’re the ones with the problem, GQ. I think it may be you who has the inability to separate reality from fantasy. And even if you can’t make a pseudo-pedophilic argument about these photos, aren’t they still offensive from a feminist perspective? No one cares that Cory’s almost 30 – because he’s the only one who gets to wear clothes. If dressing up 20-something women as slutty fantasy version of their high school characters in a high school setting isn’t offensive based on the ages of their characters, it’s still offensive that GQ can’t come up with a better concept for a photo shoot than schoolgirl sluts draped around a jock.
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Update 2: Dianna Agron’s response on her personal blog
Thanks to my dear friend Cecile, who both introduced me to this photo shoot AND provided me the link to Dianna’s response.
“I’d like to start by saying that these are solely my thoughts on the November issue of GQ and the controversy that has surrounded its release. I am not a representative of the three of us, the show, or Fox, only myself… For GQ, they asked us to play very heightened versions of our school characters. A ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’ version. At the time, it wasn’t my favorite idea, but I did not walk away. I must say, I am trying to live my life with a sharpie marker approach. You can’t erase the strokes you’ve made, but each step is much bolder and more deliberate. I’m moving forward from this one, and after today, putting it to rest. I am only myself, I can only be me. These aren’t photos I am going to frame and put on my desk, but hey, nor are any of the photos I take for magazines. Those are all characters we’ve played for this crazy job, one that I love and am so fortunate to have, each and every day. If you asked me for my dream photo shoot, I’d be in a treehouse, in a wild costume, war-paint and I’d be playing with my pet dragon. Until then…”
I only took excerpts from her full statement, but I think this is a very mature response. She encourages parents to keep their children away from these and similarly risque photos, and admits that she didn’t love the idea, but she stayed, and just wants to put it behind her. But I’m not sure how GQ can continue to claim “they’re 20-somethings! They’re not their high school characters!” when the magazine actually instructed Dianna and Lea to play “very heightened version of [their] school characters.” So, which is it, GQ? Are they “heightened” (read: pornified, objectified, over-sexualized) versions of Quinn Fabray and Rachel Berry? Or are they independent twenty-something women who just happened to be dressed as schoolgirls and just happened to be frolicking around a high school with the same name as the school their characters attend?
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© Democracy Diva, 2010.
Emmys 2010 Red Carpet
Grab your leopard-print snuggie and a bottle of wine, bitches, ’cause this could take awhile.
Mad Women
I’ve been trying for days to like this dress, and I just can’t. It just looks like melted-down solo cups. The texture is horrible, and those cones on her boobs are absurd. That blue might be one of the best colors I’ve ever seen on the red carpet, particularly with January’s coloring, but even that can’t save this hot disaster. And that hair? If you want to have sex in the limo on the way to the Emmys, more power to you. But that does not give you license to have sex hair on the red carpet. Your all-American beauty looks will only take you so far, January. They may get you an Emmy nomination, but you won’t get this Diva’s approval until you learn how to dress.
My sister Haley brought up an intriguing question to me today: Does Christina Hendricks have an unusually small head? Or, as I posited, is it merely that any head would look tiny atop those giant hooters? Just something to think about. Regardless of the answer, Hendricks is rocking this dress. Totally unusual color, and it complements her hair beautifully. Redheads always rock green and purple outfits, and Miss Joan is no exception. Loving how this dress cinches her waist, shows off her ta-tas without looking vulgar, and then gets all soft and billowy and feathery at the bottom. I think there’s a little too much length at the bottom, but it’s a small complaint. And the sleeves are to die for.
Elisabeth Moss in Donna Karan
Beautiful, simple, and classic, just like Elisabeth Moss herself. The draping is incredible, the color makes her glow, the shoulder piece adds a little intrigue, and I even like the train (and I hate trains). The bling is AMAZING – those bracelets are seriously opulent – and nothing’s better than that sassy little smile.
Kiernan Shipka in Papo d’Anjo
You can take your Bettys and Joans and Peggys, but Sally Draper is the real deal. That dress is precious, the hair is awesome, and my ten-year-old self would have killed for those little tiny high heels. Also, her name is Kiernan Shipka, which is awesome.
Modern Ladies
It’d be fine without the awkward stripe down the middle. It’s a perfect cut and color for her, but I wish it had some more intrigue and complexity other than the stripe, which is just not particularly beautiful. But the hair is amazing.
This just has too much going on. Less is more, people, and those ruffles over her boobs are just masking Julie’s beauty. This bitch doesn’t age, and has the hair and skin of a freakin’ newborn, but I look at this photo and I only see fabric, not the fabulous woman underneath it.
This is incredibly mature (but not aging) for someone as young as Sarah Hyland, who plays Claire and Phil’s oldest daughter on Modern Family. And she is rocking the hell out of this dress. The fabric is so luxe, it looks like liquid. It also makes her look about six feet tall and totally stacked. The braided/twisted straps are a dream, and the hair is perfect. I hope she doesn’t end up doing crack in five years.
And our favorite middle child is also nailing something chic beyond her years. I could do without the Bat Mitzvah hair and the embroidery on the bodice, but I’m loving the black-on-blue skirt and the funky, stylistic draping.
Glitter Queens
Easily the best dressed of the night, Claire Danes proves that simplicity is the name of the game. This dress is phenomenal and it fits her like a glove. I love that the color is just a sparkling version of her own skin tone. I may prefer her with bottled-red hair and flannel shirts, but I will always love Angela Chase.
Jennifer Carpenter in Oday Shakar
Stunning.
Gleeks Gone Glam
Hello, gorgeous! This was my other favorite gown of the night. Not every designer can take a 5’2″ girl and make her look statuesque, but of course Oscar can! The color is amazing, the gown is divalicious, her jewelry is awesome (I bet we’re going to see knockoffs of that necklace EVERYWHERE), and this bitch knows how to POSE. The hair could have been a little more formal, but that’s my only complaint.
Jayma’s beautiful, but this dress is Lea’s dress’s less hot little sister. The jewelry is tacky and her hair is a mess.
The cutest little queer on two legs. LOVING the treble clef pin on his lapel!
Work it out, Quinn! Black and pink lace together is one of my favorite things on the planet, especially in formal wear. Gorgeous dress with perfect hair and makeup to boot. But she does look a little sad, especially for a ridiculously hot girl on a hit Emmy-nominated TV show. Maybe she’s sad because she’s secretly in love with Matt Morrison, who is over her right shoulder, staring at her shoes instead of her ass. He’s a closet case, honey. Move on.
Brittany pulled out all the stops, rocking some serious old-school Hollywood glam. Very impressive for such a red carpet newbie! The makeup artist was a little heavy-handed, but the hair is flawless.
If you took Cha Cha DiGregorio from Grease and added a Lady Gaga wig, you’d get this photo. Seriously, Naya, we all like to play dress-up, but this is your first Emmy red carpet. Is this how you really want to be remembered? In a slutty 80s prom dress, boring shoes, and a hairstyle so stupid even Rihanna hates it?
Funny and Fabulous
Holy couture! Kathy Griffin’s body has never looked better, and it takes a confident bitch to rock Oscar with that much certainty. Get it, girl.
Amy Poehler gave birth THREE WEEKS AGO and already looks this good. We should all be so lucky. The color is gorgeous, her tits look amazing, and she’s allegedly wearing half a million dollars worth of Stephen Russell jewelry, though I can’t really see much of it.
Tina Fey in Oscar de la Renta
I could do without the hieroglyphic print, but for a woman who never looks comfortable in a dress, Tina is posing the hell out of this Oscar gown. It’s incredibly flattering to her figure, and it’s much funkier and fancier than she usually goes. It’s curve-hugging but not tight, and the hair and makeup are looking beautiful. Kudos to Ms. Fey for taking a fashion risk and finally having it pay off.
Funny and Feh
Mindy Kaling in Aguri Sagimori
I think Elvira wore this to her high school prom. The shoes are cute, but that hair is much funnier than this season of The Office and this haphazardly-draped crinoline disaster is no better. And a petite girl should know better than to wear a dress with such wacky proportions that ends in the middle of the calf. Unless you’re a supermodel, that’s going to make you look stumpy.
Kristen Wiig
Awful print, stupid belt, poorly fit, and stupid shoulder ruffles. Plus I don’t like the hair or makeup, and the purse is too busy. Fire your stylist, Kristen.
New Diva on the Block Award
Last I checked, Nina Dobrev was just another teen mom on Degrassi, and then she was just another teen vampire on Vampire Diaries, and then suddenly she was KILLING IT on the red carpet and performing in the epic Emmys opening number alongside the Glee cast, Tina Fey, Jon Hamm, Betty White, and the rest of TV’s elite. I can’t even believe how stunning she looks. The dress is borderline bridal, but it’s exquisite. The draping at the top is actually breathtaking. The hair is classy and glamorous, and those earrings were the perfect choice. Keep it up, Nina! Looking forward to seeing what else you’ve got.
Hottest Couple
Neil Patrick Harris (in Calvin Klein) and David Burtka
NPH’s suit is beyond chic. It seems men fall into two categories: basic boring suit/tux, or trying and failing to spice it up. Neil Patrick Harris, of course, is classy and stylish enough to pull off a funky suit and just look even more dashing. And David looks adorable, as always.
Worst Dressed
Oh, lord. A potato sack on top, a magician’s slutty assistant on the bottom, fugly shoes, and way too much jewelry. And that hair? Unless you’re in bed with a pint of Ben & Jerrys, that mess is inexcusable.
Nope. No. Just… no. Your puke-colored, flowered and rhinestoned dress should not have love handle cutouts.
What part of wearing a purple hairy tiered gown appealed to Emily? Because I think she needs to seek mental help.
Stephanie Pratt in Marciano
Sometimes I forget my pants in the limo too, Steph. It happens.
Lo Bosworth in Karen Caldwell
Lo Bosworth thought she was dressing like Mad Men here. She didn’t get the memo that a dress that looks amazing on a 1960s secretary in an office does not necessarily look awesome on a 2010 red carpet. She looks like she’s off to a business lunch, not an awards show. And that skirt should be about four inches shorter. The shoes don’t go, she’s wearing a stupidly large number of rings, and the hair is so bad, it’s almost funny.
Kate Gosselin in Carmen Marc Valvo
For the love of God, just go be with your children and leave us all alone.
Anna Paquin in Alexander McQueen
I love a girl who’s loyal to a designer, especially McQueen, but there’s a time and a place, and this ain’t it. The armored top looks insane, and the skirt is totally wrong. Way too many bracelets, and no hair style to speak of.
Heidi Klum in Marchesa
We get it, Heidi. You like short dresses. But you’re also not 18 and while I’d never tell a woman who looks as good as you that she needs to cover up, this shtick is getting a little tired. It’s not that you’re too old to wear dresses that show your cooter – it’s that your vagina must be tired of all the attention, because we’re tired of seeing her. And is your hair in a flip? The same style that all the boys in my middle school were rocking circa 2001? Because it didn’t work on them, and it sure as hell doesn’t work on you.
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Later this week: Your weekly fashion recap (cover all things non-Emmys, from red carpet to editorials and more) and of course, your weekly Project Runway recap! Follow @democracydiva on twitter for updates.
The Weekly Fashion Recap
Fabulous FLOTUS
First Lady Michelle Obama in Jason Wu Resort 2009
Classic Americana worn by classy Americans. MObama looks gorgeous in blue Jason Wu. The bows around her waist are cute, and I love the way the dress accentuates her fabulous figure, as if to say I’ve got hips and I love it! Those famous arms (Tom & Lorenzo hilariously referred to them as the “First Guns”) are looking toned as ever, and of course the chunky bracelets are super-trendy. I could do without the shoes, but at least they show that she’s making the effort to have fun with her wardrobe, and isn’t that the point of fashion?
Also, can I just say that I love how often the Obamas are photographed holding hands? As a child raised in the Clinton years, it’s so refreshing to see a First Couple that’s actually in love.
Another Disaster from Rihanna
Are dresses that require a generator becoming a trend? Because I refuse to get behind that. First it was Katy Perry at the Met Gala, now it’s Rihanna. All my least favorite celebrities are donning light-up costumes – next thing you know, Kristen Stewart will mope around the red carpet in a light bulb dress with her hair looking like shit. I’m not sure what concerns me more – the light-up dress, or the fact that her hair color is brighter than the light bulbs. Ladies, reduce your carbon footprint and your fashion faux pas, and nix the light-up dresses, please.
Floral and Fierce
This Diva is fully obsessed with this dress. The sleeve hitting right above the elbow is super-trendy right now, and it always looks great. I love the print and the shape, and that little rainbow belt is just the perfect touch of whimsy (plus it accentuates her teensy little waist). Also, was this photo taken through a time machine? Because SJP is looking suspiciously fresh-faced and beautiful. Keep it up, girl.
The Best and Worst of Lady Gaga
Nope. Words can’t do this one justice. All I can say is Where the Wild Things Are meets car wash meets Cousin It.
Lady Gaga at Lollapalooza
This, on the other hand, is why I love Gaga. The crazy wild hair, the signature sunglasses (a Lady never shows her eyes, I suppose), and a purple, seemingly plastic leopard print leotard! It’s weird, sure, but it’s fabulous and fashion-forward. And I’m a huge supporter of nude fishnets to add subtle sex to any outfit. This is a fabulous reminder that though sometimes Gaga’s performance art goes totally off the wall, she’s capable of bringing crazy fashion to a more accessible place.
How to Travel in Style
It helps to be the most beautiful woman alive, but Freida Pinto nails some essential fashion tricks: mixing black, brown, and blue; and looking chic while traveling comfortably. Let’s start with how insanely beautiful she looks even though she hardly looks like she’s wearing makeup. This woman is a goddess. And she’s a master at airport chic – a comfortable yet chic tank and sweater, a loose but fashionable skirt, tights to stay warm on the plane, and flats that are easily removable at security or while napping in first class. Her suitcase is beyond gorgeous, and I love the smoky greyish blue color of that skirt. Effortless and travel-friendly, but still beyond fabulous.
Haute Hermione
Emma Watson in Alice by Temperley
By now we all know that Emma Watson (better known as Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter films) has cut her hair and looks incredible. She’s rocking the pixie cut harder than anyone since Mia Farrow, and after ten years of being our favorite bushy-haired, brilliant witch, she deserves the freedom to cut it all off and do something new. She’s certainly got the perfect facial features to pull it off, and she looks so much older and more sophisticated, but still youthful and modern. And although this may actually be a romper, she looks fierce as hell promoting Deathly Hallows in this long-sleeved lace ensemble.
My only concern with her haircut is that this kind of cut tends to look very awkward in the growing-out stage. And since Part 1 of Deathly Hallows will hit theaters in November (::squeals with excitement::), Ms. Watson will have an ass-load of red carpets to hit, first to promote the film, and then the premieres in LA, New York, London, and every other city on earth. So I’m just hoping her events planner and her hair stylist sit down together and ensure that this fabulous bitch’s hair will look fierce all over the world this fall.
The Material Girl
Madonna celebrated her 52nd birthday the way all of us should – by looking half her age. I think Madonna has never looked better. The hair is curly, wild, and fabulous (though I’d touch up the roots), and the makeup/Botox/face lifts are really working, because her skin looks flawless. The dress is simultaneously mega-hot and totally classy, which is a difficult line to walk. Again, the sleeve hitting right above the elbow is totally adorable (and it covers up her crazy arms). Her figure is as petite and perfect as ever, she’s rocking fishnets and a badass fishnetty glove, and she’s still rocking a cross like it’s 1986. I don’t know if she sold her soul to the devil for a fountain of youth or just has the best plastic surgeon on the planet, but whatever her secret is, I want it.
Worst of the Week: Paris Does Marilyn
Where do I start? How about the bandage dress, which is designed to suck in every part of your body, but somehow makes Paris look like she’s in her second trimester. And the clown makeup? Paris may be a sex icon, but she does not have a beautiful face. Her squinty-eyed, long-nosed face just can’t handle makeup like this (actually, I’m not sure anyone’s face can). Her fake tan is disturbingly orange, she’s wearing a fur coat in AUGUST, and why is she playing dress-up to the launch of her perfume? Is she that desperate for attention? (Well, duh. She’s Paris Hilton.) Also, can we talk about the fact that her perfume is called ‘Tease’? Paris, darling, you’re not a tease. You are the star of one of the world’s most infamous celebrity sex tapes. You’re easy like Sunday morning. You don’t entice men and then leave them wanting more – honey, you give it all away! Perhaps your fragrance should be called “filthy tramp” instead, just for the sake of accuracy.
Best of the Week
WOW. Dianna Agron (better known to Glee fans as pregnant ex-Cheerio Quinn Fabray) has always been beautiful, but she’s never really popped on the red carpet until now. This dress is original, whimsical, and innovative – not to mention it fits her like a dream. It’s not what the average twenty-something starlet wears, and that’s what makes it look so damn good. The shoes are Manolo Blahniks, and they are beautiful. And even though she might be rocking a Bump-It, I think she looks absolutely flawless.
The Week(s) in Fashion
The past few weeks have seen several Sex and the City 2 premieres, a Glee red carpet event, and several Resort 2011 collections. So let’s make up for lost time and dive straight into the action.
Glee‘s Best and Worst
Well, it’s obvious how Quinn Fabray became the most popular girl at McKinley High (before she got knocked up and joined New Directions, of course). She is just a stunningly beautiful woman who embraces her best features. Old school Hollywood hair, contemporary but classic dress, fierce shoes, and the perfect shade of lipstick can go a long way. And I love to see ladies dropping the unnatural shade of orange and showing off their natural porcelain complexion. Maybe everybody looks better with a tan, but nobody looks better with a fake tan, and I like when starlets accept that fate and stay naturally pale. Dianna looks simply marvelous here, and I’m looking forward to seeing what else she’s got.
Heather Morris
Heather Morris plays Brittany, everyone’s favorite dumb cheerleader. She gets all the funniest lines and she’s the best dancer on the show, with the possible exception of Other Asian. And yet, from her ankles up, you’d have know idea she’s on a hit TV show. The hair is awful – one long braid has no place on the red (or, in this case, blue) carpet, and she looks terrifyingly like she might be wearing a Bump-It. She absolutely needs a new makeup artist – the attempt at dramatic eyes just looks messy, and her lips are crying out for some color. That shapeless potato sack of a dress is a terrible color, too. But damn, those Louboutin heels are gorgeous.
Best and Worst of the Resort 2011 Collections
Tell me, does anyone really need a denim romper with cuffs and a matching denim blazer? Is there actually a market for this outfit? Is someone lounging around their apartment in their underwear, mourning the fact that they have no denim to romp in? If you are that person, just know that therapy is always an option.
This dress had me immediately captivated. Chic and simple, perfect styling – the hair, the eyes, the shoes, it’s all gorgeous, and it all serves to highlight the gorgeous textures and prints in that fabulous little dress.
Yves Saint Laurent Resort 2011
I’m coining a term for this look: Mormon Chic. It’s like a cross between what Chloe Sevigny wears in real life and what she wore in the first few seasons of Big Love, back when they actually dressed her like she grew up on the compound. It’s prairie-licious and fabulous, and I love the stark contrast between that virginal white dress and the sheer black stockings and blood-red heels.
Jason Wu Resort 2011
Though I think this is a little too reminiscent of designers like Christian Siriano for me to over-praise it, I love this dress. It may lack originality in its silhouette, but I think that print is gorgeous, the color is fabulous, the draping is perfect, and it’s something any woman could wear on a night out during her summer vacation.
I moaned aloud when I saw this dress. Dior may be repeating some of his old tricks, but this is still impeccably crafted, beautifully designed, and evokes emotion from the people who see it. The barbie-on-acid styling amps up the volume and kicks a bit of edge into a delicate and romantic look. This Diva would wear this gown to her wedding, if she could afford it, and if she didn’t mind looking like she fell in a bucket of Easter egg dye.
Black Lace Gone Bad
Oh, V. Cheer up. I know you must be well aware that Gossip Girl‘s death is imminent, since the show stopped making sense or appealing to any viewers quite a few months ago. But that’s no reason to take your feelings out on your wardrobe. Some helpful hints for a woman in mourning:
- A ponytail is not a hairstyle – at least, not when you’re at the premiere of Sex and the City 2.
- A scarf is not a shirt. Just because it covers your nipples does not mean it’s clothing.
- Unless you moonlight as a dancer in a 1980s New York gay bar, there’s never really a need to wear a sheer black shirt.
Christina Ricci in Givenchy
I could focus on the black lace tail that seems to have come lose from the rest of the dress, or the way the entire skirt seems to be made of curly human hair, or how there is some sort of Jetsons-go-to-a-funeral vibe happening with the top of this dress. But all I need to say is that this dress shows UNDERBOOB. Underboob, like jodhpurs, mermaid gowns, and body hair, HAS NO PLACE ON THE RED CARPET. Tuck that shit away. For God’s sake, it’s not even the best part of the boob.
Mischa Barton
The hair. The hair is absolutely killing me. I don’t know what’s worse: the black roots, the platinum tips, the hair extensions, or how unwashed and mentally disturbed all of it looks. And this dress is just an ornate tablecloth torn apart and sewn back together with a peephole that I fear is slowly taking over Mischa’s entire torso. And those shoes just might be the ugliest things I’ve ever seen.
Best of the Week
It’s definitely not a dress I would wear, but I respect Emma Watson’s efforts to always dress in pieces that have a one-of-a-kind feel to them. I feel like she nearly always looks impeccably put together, but more importantly, she likes to take risks and surprise people. Note how similar this dress is to Mischa’s above it – both are short white dresses with short sleeves, black detailing, and a cutout in the middle – and yet this is lightyears better than Mischa’s mess. This dress is modern and funky. The cutout just above the waist would be treacherous on a normal woman, but of course it works on Hermione’s fabulous figure. And her legs go on for days thanks to those enviable Christian Louboutin heels that I’m shocked she can even walk in. That hair color is not my favorite – I think it’s a little red for her complexion – but I commend her on a risk well taken and wish her a safe journey in those shoes.
The Worst of the Millennium
My dear readers, please don’t get overwhelmed. I know there’s a lot to take in, and that this might be very difficult for you to stomach. But let me hold your hand through this one, and I promise we will be okay.
Now, you may recognize these conical suspenders from New York Fashion Week. In fact, I called those suspenders the #1 worst look at all of Fashion Week. Special thanks to Rihanna for proving me right, as they look even stupider on her than they did in on the runway.
I’m just going to point out the fact that it seems like packing tape is keeping her cones together. I’m also now certain that Rihanna tits are fake – they can’t possibly be that round and perky when nothing is even holding them up. That’s not good genes, that’s just downright impossible.
And she has a red bowl haircut with black roots. I don’t know if I say this enough, but I’d really like her career to be over now, please.
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Stay tuned: Fashion from the MTV Movie Awards and the Sex and the City premieres will be up soon!
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The Democracy Diva 
