Your slightly delayed (forgive me, as law school kicks my ass) weekly celebrity fashion recap. Check back later tonight for the Golden Globes red carpet post!
Taylor can pose like nobody’s business, but that doesn’t mean what she’s wearing is actually that good. She’s great at convincing you she looks fierce when she’s actually wearing something super-boring that looks exactly like half her wardrobe. Take a risk, T-Swift! Because if you take a risk, you might fail, and then you can write a sad song about it!
Absolutely awful from head to toe. The makeup is way too heavy, the hair is a mess, that color combined with the color of the backdrop is an absolute nightmare, and is she kidding with that silhouette? This is like a combination of my least favorite things: mermaid gowns and gowns that look like garbage bags.
The only points of interest are the top, and none of what’s happening there is particulary beautiful or flattering. Thumbs down.
Just imagine yourself looking into a closet full of designer clothes and thinking to yourself, “You know what I’d love to wear tonight? A gold sequined collar. And gold sequined wrist cuffs. Over a shapeless dress that looks like a nun mated with a cocktail waitress in Atlantic City.” Maybe it’s just the pregnancy hormones driving our girl crazy, but I think Natalie needs some mental help.
This girl is loving her black-and-white maternity gowns. This is sweet, but it, paired with her last few looks, seems a little insistent upon screaming, “Look how cute and pregnant I am! See how I’m wearing things that drape so that my belly looks even bigger than it actually is so you all will talk about how cute and pregnant I am?!”
Does Mila ever wear anything but little black misshapen Nina Ricci cocktail dresses? I’m seriously getting sick of this shtick. And the girl does not know how to accessorize.
HAIR. FIX IT. NOW. Also, what an awkward stance. Didn’t anybody teach this British pixie to pose?
Awful hair, and the dress isn’t very flattering and looks pretty disheveled, but at least it’s a lovely color.
Delicioso. Great fit, cut, color, and the hair is better, if still a bit of a mess. I’m usually not a fan of those extremely large, round-toed pumps, but she’s rocking them with this little number.
I know the internet loves to hate Chloe Sevigny, but I love to hate her sister-wife Ginnifer Goodwin even more. She’s had this pixie cut for what feels like decades and it’s never looked good on her wide, flat face. She also slathers on twee, Barbie-esque makeup that she clearly thinks will make her look young and fresh-faced but actually just makes her look like a child prostitute. But this Valentino number is pretty damn cute, even if it is my least favorite shade of pink, so she gets a free pass.
I love how Chloe seems to pretend like modern hair products and hair care items just don’t exist – like we haven’t invented things that touch up your dark roots or make your hair look like it curls naturally, instead of like you’re wearing Miss Piggy’s wig. She also apparently has no idea how to smile, which would be endearing if it wasn’t totally fake. She’s clearly going for “I’m too interesting to smile” but it’s coming across more like “Ginnifer Goodwin just farted in my face.”
I’m pretty sure my grandmother has a couch with the same print as that dress. So I guess I should be thankful that unlike my grandma’s couch, Chloe is not wrapped in protective plastic. But the best is yet to come, because check out the shoes:
I know that when I’m wearing my tackiest blue floral/paisley gown, I need my gold strappy shoes with ankle ties, tassels, red spirals, and LEOPARD PRINT HEELS. Seriously? Could more be packed into one tacky pair of shoes? When did Chloe join the cast of Jersey Shore?
There’s something about the embellishments on this dress that feel like some sort of shoulder-pad/angel wings hybrid and I just can’t support that. The eggplant color is gorgeous, but she distracted from it with the matchy-matchy teal bracelet and earrings.
It’s cute, lacy, and looks exactly like everything else this boring twee hipster bitch wears on the red carpet. Can you tell I’m getting sicker and sicker of her by the day?
Okay, it’s still totally Twiggy-meets-child-bride, but at least it doesn’t appear to have any lace! That wavy hem is kind of a disaster, but I think the top is beautiful.
It doesn’t reveal too much skin, but it’s still somehow a smoking hot, super-sexy gown. I’m not the hugest fan of Michael Kors’ clothes, but Rachel is nailing the shit out of this look. It might even make up for how shitty her movie is!
Are you ready for some Glee paradise? Because Fox threw a party, and all our favorite New Directions came out for the event:
DELICIOUS. It’s hard for straight men to look polished, put-together, and still original on the red carpet, but whoever’s dressing Cory deserves a raise, because he looks terrific in this suit.
Jenna, for the love of God, lose the 80s hair and the too-tight dresses. I promise you, you are actually beautiful, but nobody knows because you keep hiding it behind Spanx lines and AquaNet.
I usually dig Artie’s red carpet style, but this is too quirky even for me. A bow tie affixed to your pocket? Navy (possibly black) pants sloppily tucked into brown untied boots with a blue shirt and a grey blazer? No, no, no.
Jeans? Fox is shelling out serious bucks for you to get wasted and talk about yourself at this party, and you’re wearing jeans? Shame on you, Puckerman.
FIERCE. Modern, futuristic, totally Gaga-esque. It’s a lot of look, but Naya is totally divalicious enough to pull it off. The red shoes were a risky choice – I’m not sure if it paid off, but I respect the effort. But Santana, I promise, we’ll still believe you have boobs even if your dress doesn’t push them up to your eyeballs. Chillax.
The sexiest Asian on television is looking mighty fine in this grey suit!
Dianna is one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen, but insists on these dowdy little outfits that even goody-goody Quinn from her Abstinence Club days wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. She’s got the same issue as Taylor Swift – stunning and poses like a total diva queen, but can’t pick out an original dress to save her life.
Chris! How dare you! Your big gay fans deserve better than a leather jacket, a button down, and jeans!
Okay, Terry. We get it. You still exist. Now will you put your breasts away?
FIERCE. The hair is perfect, the color is amazing (and notoriously difficult for a redhead to pull off), she looks itsy-bitsy and totally chic. And that smile is worth a thousand gowns.
WHO IS DRESSING THESE PEOPLE?!
Sex on a stick.
ALL HAIL QUEEN BRITTANY! A fun little spin on your classic starlet-in-an-LBD look. The texture that those lines create is beautiful, and this is one of the only one-shoulder gowns that doesn’t look like, um, why is she missing a sleeve? It just looks natural and super-chic. The hair is dramatic but the makeup is low-key, which was a smart move. That pose and sassy little smile are just too delicious for words.
Obviously Lea was too divalicious to show up to the Fox All-Star party, but luckily we caught her in this LBD at another Fox party. This was a panel, not a red carpet event, so I think that this sexy but understated little dress was a good choice. But I think she could have accessorized it a bit more.
Check back tonight for the GOLDEN GLOBES red carpet recap!
© Democracy Diva, 2010.