The Week in Celebrity Fashion

Gossip Girls On and Off the Set

Serena Van Der Woodsen and Blair Waldorf in Tibi

Readers, if you ever feel the need to lavish me with gifts, I’d like one of everything you see above. I wear a size six shoe. That is all.

Serena Van Der Woodsen in Zuhair Murad

Leave it to the Gossip Girl team to put Serena in a long-sleeved full length gown that STILL reveals every inch of flesh possible. But I still think it’s a gorgeous dress. And I love that it’s so much more naked than it seems at first glance. Like, surprise! You didn’t think you’d see my hoo-hah, but here it is!

Blake Lively in an Elie Saab dress and Christian Louboutin shoes

I love how similar this dress feels to the one before it, even though they’re actually quite different. The sleeves are gorgeous, and that lace slip is just too hot for words. Not as revealing, but just as sexy, because Blake has a killer set of stems. (Her tits go without saying.) Great shoes, and I’ll even forgive the dark toe nail polish because they match her nails and the general dark princess vibe of the overall look. But the sloppy braid looks lazy.

Divas Abroad

Dita Von Teese and John Galliano at his Spring 2011 show in Paris

There’s just no other word for it: Dita Von Teese is the definition of FIERCE. That suit is vintage perfection, and the pairing of those gloves and shoes was a brilliant move. And check out the shoes on Galliano! Totally badass.

Jon Hamm and Elisabeth Moss in Hervé Léger by Max Azria

I can’t sum up how Jon Hamm looks better than TLo, who really said it all:

JON: I’m hung! Have you noticed?

I know my parents read my blog and all (hi, mommy and daddy!) but… I still think we need to talk about Jon Hamm’s dick in that suit. Or at least acknowledge the fact that it is taking over this photograph.

Katy Perry at a T-Mobile event in Budapest, Hungary

It’s the age-old rule: Dress a size bigger and you’ll look a size smaller. Katy Perry breaks this rule on a daily basis. I also hate the hair, the makeup, the jewelry, and the dress itself.

Selena Gomez at a jewelry launch in London

Remember Barbie’s little sister Skipper? The tween version of Barbie? I’m pretty sure this is what she’d wear if she lived in Hollywood and started doing cocaine. Oddly enough, I don’t really mean that as an insult. I think Selena looks kind of awesome here. I know I should hate those pants, but they’re pretty badass. But since she’s Selena Gomez, she looks like a little doll version of badass girl. Which is sort of precious.

Rachel Bilson at Bulgari’s party during Milan Fashion Week

It’s all about the sassy pose, the devil-may-care attitude, and those killer shoes. And I can’t even handle that “I dare you to fall in love with me” look in her eyes. Ugh, my girl crush on her is SERIOUS.

Rachel Bilson at the Christian Dior Spring 2011 show in Paris

Rachel Bilson at the Christian Dior Spring 2011 show in Paris

The dress? Delicious in color, fit and style. The blazer? Stunning, and it was a great move to pair the two garments together. The shoes? I want them so badly, I may fly over to Paris and pry those off Rachel’s feet myself.

And can we just talk about how great her posture is in both photos? Rachel, your mama taught you well.

Models in Cavalli

Heidi Klum in Roberto Cavalli at the Milan Fashion Week amfAR gala

I hate the hair – Heidi is perfect-looking, but her face does not go well with that 1920s finger curl. But that gown is gorgeous, and like nearly everything Heidi wears, it’s shiny and it makes her boobs look perky as can be.

Heidi Klum in Roberto Cavalli at Paris Fashion Week

The hair is better, but you know I’m not a fan of those droopy silhouettes. And I know Cavalli designed both, so it makes sense that they look similar, but I don’t know why a supermodel would wear two such similar dresses to fashion events in consecutive weeks.

Tyra Banks in Roberto Cavalli at French Vogue’s masquerade ball in Paris

Different model turned fashion TV show host, same designer. The gown is way too long, but it’s nice enough. And I bet you’re thinking, how has she gone three sentences without commenting on THAT THING ON TYRA’S FACE? Seriously, I get that it’s a masquerade ball, but she looks ridiculous. And not in the look-how-avant-garde-I-am, Lady Gaga sort of way.

Tyra Banks in Robert Cavalli during Paris Fashion Week

And here, still in Cavalli, she looks ridiculous in a totally different, leopard print jumpsuit sort of way.

Ladies in the States

 

Kristin Davis in a Prada dress and Manolo Blahnik shoes in Los Angeles

Sad and drab. Charlotte deserves better!

Beyonce in Andrew Gn at a charity ball in New York City

Jesus. She looks like Mariah Carey in 1991. And that is certainly not a compliment. The dress looks identical to the 80s prom dress I bought for twenty bucks at a vintage store. I love my dress, but I’m not wearing it to a charity ball! The barely-there makeup is not a look that suits Beyonce, the hair looks sort of fake, and the dress emphasizes B’s tummy in a really unflattering way.

Katie Holmes in Louis Vuitton at a luncheon in Beverly Hills

This would look way better on Suri than it does on Katie.

Whitney Port at the launch of the Ebay Fashion Lookbook in Los Angeles

  • Evening makeup at a daytime event? Why?
  • My Bubbie (that’s ‘grandmother’ for those of you unfamiliar with Yiddish) could rock that sweater way harder, and she’s 87.
  • That awful blue colored denim, most popular circa 1997? On jeans that are peg-legged, knobbly-kneed, and wide through the hips? Once again, WHY?
  • Is that blue glitter toenail polish? I AM JUDGING YOU.

Kate Beckinsale at a screening of Nowhere Boy in Hollywood

Kate always looks stunning with a touch of bland, doesn’t she? Beautiful woman, great style, but she’s just so forgettable. I do think she’s a bit old for black nail and (ugh) toenail polish, and the dress also feels like she’s trying too hard to be younger, but she’s still got the flawless skin to pull it off. For now.

Lady Gaga performing with Yoko Ono in Los Angeles

If Lady Gaga, Cher, and Britney Spears in “Toxic” had a super-diva lovechild, this is what it would wear. This is phenomenal. Also, I wonder if Gaga has a personal trainer just for her ass. Or perhaps it has its own armed security guard. Because that thing is a work of art.

Need more fashion? Of course you do! Check out my coverage of New York Fashion Week, plus the best of Milan and London! For more updates, follow me on twitter @democracydiva.

 

The Week in Fashion

The Fashion Professionals

Vogue Editor Lauren Santo Domingo

This bitch has “fashion editor” written all over her. She’s a doppelganger to Dianna Agron (Glee‘s Quinn), only twice as fashionable. That skirt is beyond gorgeous and belongs in my closet immediately. Why don’t we all own perfectly fitted pencil skirts in crazy gorgeous prints? And those heels scream Vogue from a mile away. The perfect highlights, and that glance over the shoulder like she owns Manhattan. God bless her.

Fashion blogger Emily Theobald

This is proof of how a few classic but simple items are all you need. A vintage sundress, a skinny belt, brown sandals, and oversized sunglasses – all perfect for a late summer’s day of running around the city. It’s quirky and casual, like a professional blogger should be – you can tell by her laid back appearance that her work day involves a comfy chair, a dog on her lap, and a strong cup of coffee.

Joanna Hillman, senior fashion market editor at Harper's Bazaar

And this lady’s outfit says fashion/business all the way. The blouse is gorgeous, very European-looking, but crisp, so you know she’s serious. Those pants are the perfect cranberry color and make this skinny bitch’s legs look about eight miles long. The sunglasses, purse, lipstick and shoes say “I’m fabulous and you better not fuck with me,” but the casual braid says “See how I don’t even have to try hard to look this good?”

Jilian Sanz, fashion director of Haute Living magazine

And this woman looks like a Parisian socialite – she’d be complete if she were holding a Lanvin shopping bag. The sheer blouse compared to the long, sturdy skirt is a nice mix, and that greyish pink mauve leather is gorgeous. And the little eyelet peep-toe heels? Precious. Not to mention the jewelry, which makes the outfit.

The Fashion Show Attendees

Leighton Meester at the Derek Lam fashion show

Combat boots? With white sweatsocks? Leighton, are you trying to give me an aneurysm?  The dress (or perhaps sweater/skirt combo) is dull as they come, and the metal bracelets taking over both her wrists give off a Wonder Woman vibe, and not in a good way. And what’s with the lack of hairstyle and makeup? This is New York Fashion Week. You’re going to have to try a hell of a lot harder than that.

Jenna Ushkowitz at the Rebecca Taylor fashion show

Attention, universe: Jenna Ushkowitz is clearly in desperate need of a stylist. That awful color, the oversized top, the whole peasant vibe it gives off, and that dreaded headband – this girl needs to be saved.

Portia de Rossi at the Richie Rich fashion show

Portia, who cut your bangs? Actually, let me put that more accurately: How fucking drunk was the blind mental patient who cut your bangs? Seriously, Portia is ordinarily a beautiful woman and here she looks like a seven-year-old boy.

Sarah Jessica Parker at the Diane Von Furstenberg fashion show

The hair looks as if she just barely escaped and wind tunnel, and the dress looks more like my grandmother’s droopy old apron than anything that should be in the same room as Diane Von Furstenberg.

The Fashion Party-Goers

Leighton Meester in Marc Jacobs

Way to turn up the heat, B! Leighton redeems herself in one of my favorite looks from Marc Jacobs’s Resort 2011 collection. The dress is breathtaking on her, the purse is completely badass, and I think the white shoes were a bold and wise choice. And see the difference it makes when her hair and makeup are done? Poof, instant starlet.

Alexis Bledel

Our very own Rory Gilmore was all over the Fashion Week scene. I’m liking the lighter hair color, and though the dress is pretty overdone, it’s cute enough. Particularly for someone who doesn’t dress particularly well. The pumps and clutch were an obvious choice, as was the matchy-matchy gold bracelet, but who can say no to those blue eyes?

Outside New York

Alexa Chung in Rachel Antonoff

Alexa Chung takes over London in this fabulous little yellow number. Perfect cut and fit, a bright and fun print, and freaking adorable grey booties.

Cate Blanchett in Christian Lacroix

Holy hell. Now this is a dress. The sleeves, the neck line, the colors, the fit, the draping of the skirt, the impeccable details – Cate truly looks like royalty in this gown. Her porcelain skin and boyish haircut just add another element of high fashion to an already fantastic look.

Emma Stone

Too big on top, too short on bottom, too long in the sleeves, tacky colors, and a vomit-inducing print. Yup, this is about as many mistakes as you can make at once on the red carpet.

Carey Mulligan

Oh, jeez. What is it, Carey, your bat mitzvah? What post-adolescent woman would be caught dead in something so Tinker Bell? It’s just incredibly immature. Even the cut of the dress looks more appropriate for a little girl than a woman. And the shoes only make matters worse. Glinda the Good Witch would look at this and go, “Whoa, girl. Chill out on the sparkles.”

Blake Lively in Chanel Haute Couture

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Blake Lively was the best dressed of the week, in my humble opinion. I am literally drooling over this blood red Chanel dress, which shines like it was laquered. And although it brings to mind awkward images of flowers sprouting from Serena’s nether regions, I think the red flowers are absolutely breathtaking. It looks so meticulously made, and it fits Blake like a second skin. The matching shoes are intense, but I think they make a strong statement. Her cocktail rings are what truly complete this look, especially the one that matches the dress. And with her red lipstick and effortlessly sexy blonde hair, Blake looks damn near perfect here.

I’m reviewing all the collections from New York Fashion Week, so keep checking back for updates! And follow me on twitter @democracydiva.

The Week in Fashion

It’s New York Fashion Week! And although I’m not blogging about the collections quite yet, there’s still a lot of fabulous happening on the red carpet, in the front rows of the fashion shows, and in the magazines this week. So let’s get started!

Editorials: Divas in the News

Lea Michele in Magaschoni top & Michael Kors leggings for Glamour

I am fully in love with this picture. Glamour should have chosen it for the cover, but of course they went with one where she’s not wearing pants. Sigh. Regardless, there’s something so fabulously A Chorus Line about this outfit. Totally what you’d expect a Broadway star to be lounging around in on her day off. And the bangs, the eyes, the lips – she’s looking totally gorgeous.

Marc Jacobs and Lady Gaga in Louis Vuitton for V Magazine

Lady Gaga as the Statue of Liberty, half naked, in front of a shopping cart, with Marc Jacobs sitting on a television next to her. I can’t say I get it, but I certainly like it.

Lady Gaga for Vogue Hommes Japan

I am loving this cover. Perfect pose, perfect make-up, fabulous nails, and her smokin’ body is covered in raw meat. Gaga knows how to get people to pay attention, and this is a perfect example of that quality. And if anybody can rock a raw meat ensemble, it’s Lady Gaga. She makes it look like fashion.

The Venice Film Festival

Natalie Portman in custom Rodarte

I don’t like the hair and I probably wouldn’t have chosen white shoes, but everything else about this look is simply gorgeous. The dress is sexy as hell but not revealing; it feels like classic red carpet Hollywood but has all sorts of tricks and complexities to it. The straps and shoulders and the bodice are just stunning, and as usual, Natalie looks like an Israeli goddess.

Jessica Alba in Valentino

Why, Jessica? Why is your skirt so much longer in the back than in the front? Is this a white trash themed costume party and your dress is a coy reference to the mullet? There is just nothing attractive about a mullet skirt, honey.

Michelle Williams in Jason Wu

That right-to-the-elbow sleeve length keeps popping up and I’m fully obsessed with it. And although this is a blah color, Michelle is absolutely rocking this. I’m a little over the neck bow trend – Kate Beckinsale and Carey Mulligan wore them all over Cannes – but I still think this is just precious and classy and it still maintains Michelle’s hipster-chic aesthetic.

Michelle Williams

Perfection. I’d wear that dress in a heartbeat, and those shoes are killer. She could not be cuter.

Clemence Poesy in Louis Vuitton

Parisian chic at its best, our very own Fleur Delacour is rocking a look that always looks better on French girls. A silk shirt with a giant bow tucked into a blue skirt, plus sex hair and barely-there makeup? Simply beautiful.

Fashion Elite at New York Fashion Week

Diane Kruger in Chanel at the Chanel Boutique opening party

Oy. Well, at least the shoes are cute. The rest is just too much. Sloppy hair and all that fabric? Plus a belt over it? She looks like she’s in a slutty chicken suit.

Blake Lively in Chanel at the Chanel Boutique opening party

I’m pretty sure I’ve never before seen Blake in an outfit that didn’t expose her boobs and/or legs. So I respect the attempt to cover up, and the Mary Jane shoes are awesome, but this dress is beyond tacky. And blow dry your fucking hair before you go to a Chanel fashion week party. Show some respect.

Blake Lively in Marchesa at Fashion’s Night Out: The Show

Okay, you win. I’m obsessed with this. Showing a lot of leg and a bit of boob, like Lively always should. That print is beyond gorgeous, the bracelets are kickass, the shoes are fierce, and I like the makeup. I think she’s always absurdly lazy about her hair, which is why she’s rocking a pony, but at least it works.

Leighton Meester in Versus at Fashion’s Night Out: The Show

Well, this is fugly. Like, so fugly I wouldn’t even wear it as a Halloween costume. It’s glorified underwear, and worse than that, it just looks cheap and tacky. If you want to go out on the town half-naked, so be it, but your outfit still has to be chic and fabulous, and this is NOT.

Maggie Grace in Christian Siriano at his Spring 2011 fashion show

Another epic print and adorable silhouette by the lovely and talented Christian Siriano. (Although the blogosphere is saying his collection this week was underwhelming… but we’ll get to that in a few posts.) I love this dress because it’s effortless – it does all the work for Maggie. Just throw on heels and eyeliner and you’re ready to go.

Miscellaneous Fabulous and Fugly

 

Hello, teeny little waist! America Ferrera looks completely amazing in this dress. I’m obsessed with the sleeves and collar, the skinny belt is perfect, the length is super-flattering, and the accessories are simple and perfect. I think every professional woman should have this dress hanging in their closet.

Jessica Simpson in a design from her own denim collection

Jessica is modeling her own design, so there is no one to blame for this atrocity except for Jessica herself. I am getting physically ill at the sight of that cheap denim with the tacky gold zippers and buttons. This is denim at its worst.

 

Katrina Bowden in Theia

It’s pretty easy to always look great when you’re blonde and blue-eyed and approximately eleven pounds, like 30 Rock‘s Cerie. But Katrina keeps cropping up on best-dressed lists, and this dress proves she deserves it. Another adorable and unique print, which is always nice to see. She could use a necklace, bracelet, or purse – just something to make her look less naked. But this is a fabulous little number.

Kim Kardashian

Dear Kim:

What, what, what are you doing? Look at those leggings. Look at your choices.

Love,

The Democracy Diva

Lea Michele in Erdem

I’ve blogged about dresses nearly identical to this twice so far – Chloe Sevigny rocked one at the Met Gala, and Eva Mendes wore it in July 2010. So I’m a little bit over this, but I still think a long-sleeved cocktail dress is a wonderful thing. And even though it’s overdone, the color and print are beautiful. But can we please talk about Lea’s hair? This better be for Glee, because if Lea is actually choosing to wear those horribly distracting highlights/extensions, this may be the end of my love affair with her. (Just kidding. I’ll always love you, Lea.)

I’m working on your fashion week posts as we speak! Stay up-to-date by following me on twitter @democracydiva!

The Weekly Fashion Recap

The Rule of Coco

Now, before we begin, let us remember that this is Leighton on the set of Gossip Girl in Paris. This means a) the rules are different, because Paris fashion is a different world, and b) we must remember that this is Blair Waldorf, not Leighton Meester. With that in mind, let’s talk fashion.

For a filthy rich Upper East Side girl traipsing around Paris, this outfit is basically perfect, if completely over-the-top. But what NYC WASP princess wouldn’t go over-the-top in the fashion capital of the world? It’s all flawless, and every piece can be worn separately with a thousand different things (not that versatility matters much to someone as rich as Ms. Waldorf, but it matters to me). But let us not forget the immortal words of the legendary Coco Chanel:

Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and remove one accessory.

Simple words, but they carry an incredible weight, because so many fabulous women do have a strong tendency to over-accessorize, like Miss Waldorf here. The hat is precious and perfect for Paris; I can only see the side of the handbag but I already worship it; I don’t know if that belt/scarf is part of the skirt, but the print is lovely; those bracelets are completely badass and bring a much-needed element of seriousness to an otherwise overwhelmingly girly outfit; even that little box of snacks is its own accessory. But listen to Coco, Gossip Girl costumers. Remember and heed her immortal words, because just dropping even one accessory would tone this look down from overwhelming to perfectly chic.

Beware of the Future

I think if Jackie O were recreated in The Jetsons, this is what she would wear. And while the concept of Jackie O + Jetsons is pretty awesome to consider, it is clear that no one is actually meant to wear the result. Kylie has a history of picking some out-there designs, but this? There is nothing flattering or pretty about this at all. Heavy-handed, rudimentary, and looks like it was made by a first year design student – God, if this is what the future of fashion looks like, let me live a short but fabulous life.

The Best and Worst of Swimwear 2011

As a personal preference, I am pro-vintage style bathing suits all the way. You know, pin-up girl style, bandeau tops with high-waisted bottoms. They’re so much more flattering than the barely-there bikinis of today. But I love this swimsuit from Miami Swim Fashion Week because it’s got all the mot flattering elements and the general feel of the swimsuits of yesteryear, but with a totally modern sensibility. Gone are the polka dots and thick straps; here we have basic black in a strapless cut that feels incredibly fresh and new. I hate the bottle-blonde hair and three-seasons-ago sunglasses, not to mention the tanlines – hello, your JOB is to be a swimsuit model! How can you have tan lines?! – but this swimsuit is simply fabulous.

White Sands Australia Swimwear 2011

Same designer, same collection, but a world of difference. While the first swimsuit feels both vintage and modern, flattering and chic, this swimsuit has none of those qualities. I literally cannot imagine a bathing suit less flattering than this – this model has 0% body fat, and even she looks fucking insane. Can you imagine this on a normal-shaped woman? It flattens out your boobs and might as well have a giant arrow pointing to your tummy saying, “OH HAYYYYY!” Which, for the record, is not what most women look for in a swimsuit.

Most Surprising Hipster: Betty Draper

Wow. For someone who plays the perfect early 1960s housewife to a tee on Mad Men, this is one surprisingly hipster-fabulous ensemble. Not that it’s so daring or risky, but I’m used to seeing our very own Betty Draper looking more like this:

Betty Draper in Mad Men Season 1, Episode 4

Just being able to see the shape of January’s legs is a bit shocking, isn’t it? It’s off-putting to see her look so modern, with her super-skinny hipster jeans, black pointy flats, and fabulously sexy black lace/mesh top, not to mention the ever-present big black handbag, the staple of the modern woman’s wardrobe. Throw on the uber-trendy Ray Bans and the iPod and she’s as clearly 2010 as Betty Draper is 1960. Just goes to show you that a woman that beautiful can do a perfect representation of any era.

And can we just talk about January’s hair? That’s possibly the greatest hair color the world has ever seen. With her flawless skin and perfect pink lips, it’s just unfair that one person should have so many amazing features. Sigh.

Bad Dress, Worse Hair: The Joey Potter Story

 

I just don’t know what stylist approved this before Katie stepped out of the house. Unless it’s your very first day of kindergarten, those shoes, that dress, and those god-awful ringlet curls are never appropriate. You’re at the premiere of your own movie, for God’s sake. At least pretend that you give a shit. This is just pure laziness, and the Democracy Diva does not take well to laziness on the red carpet. Make the effort, or pay someone to make the effort for you, or stay the fuck out of the spotlight.

Business Chic Meets Red Carpet

Here’s Amanda Crew at the premiere of her new film Charlie St. Cloud, co-starring Zac Efron. I never could have told you her name or recognized her face before, but kudos to Ms. Crew, because I’ll certainly remember her from now on.

This is the perfect combination of day wear and evening wear. The business chic blouse is deliciously crisp and super-sexy; that glitzy, glamorous skirt makes the whole look dressier, and the accessories are minimalist and beautiful. Also, those legs are astoundingly long. Seriously, she looks like an Amazon woman. I can’t even handle it.

Repeat Offense: Trash Bags as Cocktail Dresses

 

Do you know what the worst part of this dress is? Besides the fact that Lanvin is selling trash bags as cocktail dresses, presumably for thousands of dollars? The worst part isthat this is the SECOND time that I have to express my hatred for this dress, because somehow, against all reason, ANOTHER CELEBRITY ALREADY WORE THIS. Yes, I blogged about this dress when J.Lo wore it a few months back. I hated it then, and I hate it even more now.

Sadly, this is not even the worst thing Rihanna wore this week… but you’ll have to keep reading for that.

Editorial of the Week: Marion Cotillard

The cardigan is Philosophy di Alberta Ferretti, the bustier is Nina Ricci, the woman is Marion Cotillard, and the photo shoot is fabulous. I don’t have anything to say besides the fact that I now officially have a huge lesbian crush on Mademoiselle Cotillard. That stomach, those legs… and I’m stealing that bustier for Rocky Horror.

Repeat Offender: Rihanna

 

 

Well, it’s official. It’s time for Rihanna to go to rehab.

Fashion Icon of the Week

 

Easily the greatest on-the-street summer wear I’ve ever seen. The incredible bloggers over at The Sartorialist snapped this photo of Vogue Japan Editor-at-Large Anna Della Russo in Milan. The goofy sunglasses, the casual shoes, the simple clutch, that astounding, sun-kissed, just-out-of-bed hair – and that perfect dress that just screams “summer in Southern Europe.” And the black bra and panties – or perhaps bathing suit – are so sexy, but the dress covers enough that this doesn’t seem slutty. It’s just the perfect youthful summer dress.

But here’s the best part – this woman is 48 years old. (Yes, for real! I couldn’t believe it either.) Just another reminder that if you have fun with your wardrobe, smile constantly, and walk with an attitude, you will be young forever.

Follow the Democracy Diva on Twitter! @democracydiva

The Week in Fashion

Native American Girls Go Bad

Leighton Meester in Giambattista Valli

Leighton Meester in Giambattista Valli

Leighton Meester is quickly become the most surprisingly worst-dressed celebrity. There will always be the Rihannas of the world who dress themselves with a newfound sense of fugliness every day. But something inside me expects Leighton to dress well, probably because her Gossip Girl character has the perfect WASP fashion sensibilities. So every time she parades around in a Navajo blanket she stole from the set of Pocahontas 2: Electric Boogaloo, my insides weep, because how can a girl who wears such gorgeous clothes on her show pick such fugly things to wear in real life? Why can’t she hire the Gossip Girl costumer as her personal stylist – or, you know, anybody with any basic knowledge of what looks good on a human being. So here’s your fashion advice, Leighton, that you so stubbornly refuse to ask for: you look like a Muppet from the back, those shoes are ridiculously ugly and make your calves look weird, and I’m not convinced that hair color is right for you. Now go, and find a way to be the one well-dressed actor on your show, because God knows that award isn’t going to Blake Lively’s stripper outfits or Taylor Momsen’s eyeliner-and-no-pants trend.

Love it or Hate it?

Rachel Bilson in Preen

I honestly cannot figure out how I feel about this dress. I’m usually pretty anti-cutouts, but I think this is just so interesting that I want to let it slide. And I know she’s wearing a glorified bra, but her dress isn’t actually more revealing than any other red carpet outfits. I think I want to dislike it on principle, but dammit, she looks hot as hell. I don’t want to just like it because she’s wearing it and I practically worship her, but the fact that I’ve been staring at this photo for five minutes straight definitely speaks to its intrigue.

Okay. I’ve decided I love it. Feel free to disagree. Though I will say that I wish Rachel’s roots matched the rest of her hair, but that’s a personal issue.

Vulgar in Velvet

Ginnifer Goodwin in Vionnet

I try to like Ginnifer Goodwin. I think she’s fantastic on Big Love, and I thought she was just the right balance of annoying and cute in He’s Just Not That Into You. But the shorter her hair gets, the less I like her. Not because she doesn’t look good with short hair, but she looks like she’s trying so hard to achieve that hipster pixie look. I think she’d look infinitely more beautiful if she embraced the fact that her face is too round for super-short hair – it makes her look like the head of an infant on the body of a woman.

But putting her hair to rest, let’s discuss this outfit. It breaks three of this Diva’s fashion rules:

  • Unless you’re on the runway, at a costume party, or you’re a rock star, there is no need to wear vagina-high boots.
  • If you put on an outfit correctly and it still looks like you’re wearing it backwards, it’s probably a NO.
  • Pick a season and stick with it. You can’t go all wintery in leather and velvet, but then leave your entire chest and midriff exposed. It gives the unfortunate appearance that you are simultaneously sweating to death and freezing your ass off.

Most Disturbing of the Week

Heidi Montag in far too little

My only question is, what happened in Heidi Montag’s childhood that made her think this is what women should look like? Even Barbie dolls have more reasonable chest-to-waist proportions than Heidi. And I think their feet are less pointy, too. I used to hate Heidi just for existing, but I look at pictures like this and I truly pity this girl. Correct me if I’m wrong, straight gentlemen and gay ladies, but I don’t think breasts that size are the least bit attractive. I think she was much prettier before she did this to herself, and that she is in desperate need of an intervention before she wakes up one morning looking like Mickey Rourke.

Best Dressed of the Week

Reese Witherspoon

She looks perfect. And it is damn hard to pull off an all-white ensemble, particularly in the pre-summer months, but Reese truly looks like an angel (you know, if angels carried fabulous purses that cost a few grand). Cute shoes, great purse, simple and elegant dress that fits her impeccably, great hair, cute sunglasses, and fun jewelry. A+ work, Reese.

The Week in Fashion: Goth Gossip Girls and more!

Best of Paris Fashion Week, Take 2

 

If there is a such thing as being too cohesive, I think Armani Prive’s collection was exactly that. I don’t think Paris Fashion Week is the time to send nearly identical looks down the runway. The overall collection had a wide range, but so many of the outfits were barely distinguishable from one another. But my pulse still races when I see this dress. The model is working it, it’s incredibly beautiful, and even though it doesn’t look like Lady Gaga’s Grammys dress, it feels so similar, like they were both made out of the same recyclable materials to become something extravagant.

That’s a Costume, Not an Outfit

 

First of all, what I have told you about wearing several different shades of black? That’s an Intro to Fashion no-no. And high-waisted, pleated semi-jodhpurs with combat boots, a shirt that makes a size 2 girl look fat, and a black pirate shirt? She already looked like the saddest goth girl on the playground in 1997, and then she goes with heroin-chic eye makeup, ultra-pale skin, and red lipstick? Honey, you’re supposed to be the Queen of the Upper East Side. I understand that you are not Blair, but have some respect for the role that brought you into the spotlight, and make an effort to look attractive.

The Samantha Award

 

Another surprisingly fabulous look from another Olsen! This is exactly what I want to wander around the city wearing: super-expensive looking skinny jeans, boots, and an incredibly fabulous trench/peacoat hybrid. Keep it up, MK&A. I expect more non-homeless looks from you in the future!

Repeat Offender

 

It’s a puffy-sleeved sweatshirt with cutouts at the lovehandles and leather shoulder protectors. I can’t really say anything more horrible than that.

Best/Worst of 2009: On the Red Carpet

Best of the Divas

It may be a cop-out, but I had to go with a three-way tie for this one. These three women had fantastic years for their careers, were all nominated for major awards, and all knocked their red carpet looks out of the fucking park. More than just being beautiful at first glance, all of these dresses were incredibly memorable for me.

Anne Hathaway at the Oscars

I loved this the moment she stepped onto the red carpet. She brings such elegance to everything she wears, and this Armani Prive gown was stunning to begin with. The impeccable styling and perfect fit add to Annie’s fabulous and classy runway persona. And the cherry on top is that she looks even better in it than the fucking runway model, even though she’s curvy and not model-thin. That is why Anne is a goddess.

Drew Barrymore at the Grey Gardens premiere

Drew went mega-period piece in this ensemble, and yet it looks event-appropriate instead of costumey. I usually loathe gowns that match the woman’s skin color too closely, but this nude Alberta Ferretti design is breathtaking. The make-up, hair, and accessories are perfect complements, and Drew’s old Hollywood glamour shines bright at the premiere of her crowning achievement in 2009.

Kate Winslet at the SAG Awards

If you lived in Ivory Tower 412 in spring of 2009, you would know that Kate Winslet was our queen. It seemed as though she was winning every award, looking fabulous all over the place, and making us weep with every acceptance speech she gave. She has an uncanny ability to speak in an incredibly humble and thankful way, while dressing like she knows she’s going to win. This Narciso Rodriguez gown is what the red carpet is all about. Flaunting the curves without being slutty, a color that pops, a perfect cut, and a few stunning accessories. This is the dictionary definition of what a winner should wear, and Kate just glows in it.

Worst Singer-Actress Hybrids

Let’s stick with our three-way tie theme, and begin with two hilariously memorable outfits from the same event, by the same designer.

Leighton Meester at the MET Gala

There’s nothing I can say about this except, WHY? The hair is awful, the make-up is clownlike, and the Louis Vuitton costume is beyond insane. To top it all off, her awkward stance and pedosmile make her seem legitimately insane.

Madonna at the MET Gala

Madonna. You’re 51 years old. The dress? Awful. The gloves and peekaboo bra? Seems like you’re trying to relive your youth. The boots? Far too trashy for that event, regardless of your age. The headpiece? I have no words.

Beyonce at the Oscars

I can’t find the name of the designer for this one, which means it was probably designed by Beyonce’s mother, the creator of all her most trashtastic outfits. This is a nightmare. The print is completely out of style, the dress is at least one size too small, and I LOATHE MERMAID GOWNS WITH ALL OF MY SOUL. Why do your calves need so much more room than the rest of your body? Oh, right. They don’t. So STOP IT. The fabric looks cheap and tacky, especially at the bottom. And it does not flatter her curves at all. She just looks like a large, uncomfortable couch. Beyonce, I deplore you: Find new gays, because the ones styling you now clearly hate you.

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