I was all set to post my regular weekly fashion recap, but celebs donned SO many black, white and gray outfits this week that I decided the trend warranted its own post.
Hello again, darlings! Welcome to Part 2 of your weekly fashion recap.
Welcome back, dear readers.
Welcome back to your slightly-less-than-weekly celebrity fashion recap!
Grab your leopard-print snuggie and a bottle of wine, bitches, ’cause this could take awhile.
I’ve been trying for days to like this dress, and I just can’t. It just looks like melted-down solo cups. The texture is horrible, and those cones on her boobs are absurd. That blue might be one of the best colors I’ve ever seen on the red carpet, particularly with January’s coloring, but even that can’t save this hot disaster. And that hair? If you want to have sex in the limo on the way to the Emmys, more power to you. But that does not give you license to have sex hair on the red carpet. Your all-American beauty looks will only take you so far, January. They may get you an Emmy nomination, but you won’t get this Diva’s approval until you learn how to dress.
My sister Haley brought up an intriguing question to me today: Does Christina Hendricks have an unusually small head? Or, as I posited, is it merely that any head would look tiny atop those giant hooters? Just something to think about. Regardless of the answer, Hendricks is rocking this dress. Totally unusual color, and it complements her hair beautifully. Redheads always rock green and purple outfits, and Miss Joan is no exception. Loving how this dress cinches her waist, shows off her ta-tas without looking vulgar, and then gets all soft and billowy and feathery at the bottom. I think there’s a little too much length at the bottom, but it’s a small complaint. And the sleeves are to die for.
Beautiful, simple, and classic, just like Elisabeth Moss herself. The draping is incredible, the color makes her glow, the shoulder piece adds a little intrigue, and I even like the train (and I hate trains). The bling is AMAZING – those bracelets are seriously opulent – and nothing’s better than that sassy little smile.
You can take your Bettys and Joans and Peggys, but Sally Draper is the real deal. That dress is precious, the hair is awesome, and my ten-year-old self would have killed for those little tiny high heels. Also, her name is Kiernan Shipka, which is awesome.
It’d be fine without the awkward stripe down the middle. It’s a perfect cut and color for her, but I wish it had some more intrigue and complexity other than the stripe, which is just not particularly beautiful. But the hair is amazing.
This just has too much going on. Less is more, people, and those ruffles over her boobs are just masking Julie’s beauty. This bitch doesn’t age, and has the hair and skin of a freakin’ newborn, but I look at this photo and I only see fabric, not the fabulous woman underneath it.
This is incredibly mature (but not aging) for someone as young as Sarah Hyland, who plays Claire and Phil’s oldest daughter on Modern Family. And she is rocking the hell out of this dress. The fabric is so luxe, it looks like liquid. It also makes her look about six feet tall and totally stacked. The braided/twisted straps are a dream, and the hair is perfect. I hope she doesn’t end up doing crack in five years.
And our favorite middle child is also nailing something chic beyond her years. I could do without the Bat Mitzvah hair and the embroidery on the bodice, but I’m loving the black-on-blue skirt and the funky, stylistic draping.
Easily the best dressed of the night, Claire Danes proves that simplicity is the name of the game. This dress is phenomenal and it fits her like a glove. I love that the color is just a sparkling version of her own skin tone. I may prefer her with bottled-red hair and flannel shirts, but I will always love Angela Chase.
Gleeks Gone Glam
Hello, gorgeous! This was my other favorite gown of the night. Not every designer can take a 5’2″ girl and make her look statuesque, but of course Oscar can! The color is amazing, the gown is divalicious, her jewelry is awesome (I bet we’re going to see knockoffs of that necklace EVERYWHERE), and this bitch knows how to POSE. The hair could have been a little more formal, but that’s my only complaint.
Jayma’s beautiful, but this dress is Lea’s dress’s less hot little sister. The jewelry is tacky and her hair is a mess.
The cutest little queer on two legs. LOVING the treble clef pin on his lapel!
Work it out, Quinn! Black and pink lace together is one of my favorite things on the planet, especially in formal wear. Gorgeous dress with perfect hair and makeup to boot. But she does look a little sad, especially for a ridiculously hot girl on a hit Emmy-nominated TV show. Maybe she’s sad because she’s secretly in love with Matt Morrison, who is over her right shoulder, staring at her shoes instead of her ass. He’s a closet case, honey. Move on.
Brittany pulled out all the stops, rocking some serious old-school Hollywood glam. Very impressive for such a red carpet newbie! The makeup artist was a little heavy-handed, but the hair is flawless.
If you took Cha Cha DiGregorio from Grease and added a Lady Gaga wig, you’d get this photo. Seriously, Naya, we all like to play dress-up, but this is your first Emmy red carpet. Is this how you really want to be remembered? In a slutty 80s prom dress, boring shoes, and a hairstyle so stupid even Rihanna hates it?
Funny and Fabulous
Holy couture! Kathy Griffin’s body has never looked better, and it takes a confident bitch to rock Oscar with that much certainty. Get it, girl.
Amy Poehler gave birth THREE WEEKS AGO and already looks this good. We should all be so lucky. The color is gorgeous, her tits look amazing, and she’s allegedly wearing half a million dollars worth of Stephen Russell jewelry, though I can’t really see much of it.
I could do without the hieroglyphic print, but for a woman who never looks comfortable in a dress, Tina is posing the hell out of this Oscar gown. It’s incredibly flattering to her figure, and it’s much funkier and fancier than she usually goes. It’s curve-hugging but not tight, and the hair and makeup are looking beautiful. Kudos to Ms. Fey for taking a fashion risk and finally having it pay off.
Funny and Feh
I think Elvira wore this to her high school prom. The shoes are cute, but that hair is much funnier than this season of The Office and this haphazardly-draped crinoline disaster is no better. And a petite girl should know better than to wear a dress with such wacky proportions that ends in the middle of the calf. Unless you’re a supermodel, that’s going to make you look stumpy.
Awful print, stupid belt, poorly fit, and stupid shoulder ruffles. Plus I don’t like the hair or makeup, and the purse is too busy. Fire your stylist, Kristen.
New Diva on the Block Award
Last I checked, Nina Dobrev was just another teen mom on Degrassi, and then she was just another teen vampire on Vampire Diaries, and then suddenly she was KILLING IT on the red carpet and performing in the epic Emmys opening number alongside the Glee cast, Tina Fey, Jon Hamm, Betty White, and the rest of TV’s elite. I can’t even believe how stunning she looks. The dress is borderline bridal, but it’s exquisite. The draping at the top is actually breathtaking. The hair is classy and glamorous, and those earrings were the perfect choice. Keep it up, Nina! Looking forward to seeing what else you’ve got.
NPH’s suit is beyond chic. It seems men fall into two categories: basic boring suit/tux, or trying and failing to spice it up. Neil Patrick Harris, of course, is classy and stylish enough to pull off a funky suit and just look even more dashing. And David looks adorable, as always.
Oh, lord. A potato sack on top, a magician’s slutty assistant on the bottom, fugly shoes, and way too much jewelry. And that hair? Unless you’re in bed with a pint of Ben & Jerrys, that mess is inexcusable.
Nope. No. Just… no. Your puke-colored, flowered and rhinestoned dress should not have love handle cutouts.
What part of wearing a purple hairy tiered gown appealed to Emily? Because I think she needs to seek mental help.
Sometimes I forget my pants in the limo too, Steph. It happens.
Lo Bosworth thought she was dressing like Mad Men here. She didn’t get the memo that a dress that looks amazing on a 1960s secretary in an office does not necessarily look awesome on a 2010 red carpet. She looks like she’s off to a business lunch, not an awards show. And that skirt should be about four inches shorter. The shoes don’t go, she’s wearing a stupidly large number of rings, and the hair is so bad, it’s almost funny.
For the love of God, just go be with your children and leave us all alone.
I love a girl who’s loyal to a designer, especially McQueen, but there’s a time and a place, and this ain’t it. The armored top looks insane, and the skirt is totally wrong. Way too many bracelets, and no hair style to speak of.
We get it, Heidi. You like short dresses. But you’re also not 18 and while I’d never tell a woman who looks as good as you that she needs to cover up, this shtick is getting a little tired. It’s not that you’re too old to wear dresses that show your cooter – it’s that your vagina must be tired of all the attention, because we’re tired of seeing her. And is your hair in a flip? The same style that all the boys in my middle school were rocking circa 2001? Because it didn’t work on them, and it sure as hell doesn’t work on you.
Later this week: Your weekly fashion recap (cover all things non-Emmys, from red carpet to editorials and more) and of course, your weekly Project Runway recap! Follow @democracydiva on twitter for updates.
Nothing provides me with as much fodder for bashing celebs as the MTV Movie Awards – except, perhaps, the MTV VMAs. So let’s start making fun of some fame-whores, shall we?
Least Surprising Fuck Up
Lindsay Lohan is wearing a bedazzled floor-length jumpsuit. I can’t say I’m surprised, I just feel the need to remind Ms. Lohan that Diana Ross is calling from Studio 54, and she wants her outfit back. And her cocaine, too. Now, kids, prepare yourself for the close-up:
Oof. Eyeliner smeared beneath the eyes – any lady who’s ever had a few too many cocktails knows that look, and it’s called DRUNKFACE. But we don’t have personal assistants and stylists who can hold up a mirror to us in the limo and say, “Honey, fix yourself.” So at least we have an excuse for running around with our makeup melting off our faces. Lindsay has no such excuse – she just clearly knocked back several cocktails (let’s hope it was only cocktails… and only several) right before she got out of the car.
And, honey, what’s with the boobs? Didn’t you used to have the nicest rack in Hollywood? Your tatties look very depressed, like they’re running away from that freckly patch beneath your saggy pair. And for the love of God, Lindsay, go back to your natural hair color. You have never looked remotely attractive as anything other than a redhead.
Most Surprising Successes
I’m fairly certain I’ve never said one positive word about Kristen Stewart before. She somehow scored the leading role in one of the biggest book/movie series ever, even though she’s unattractive AND untalented AND a total bitch who resents all her fame and success. Honey, nobody made you audition for a highly anticipated movie based on a wildly popular bestselling novel. You knew what you were getting yourself into – don’t fucking mope around LA like your life is so miserable.
Before I go off on a complete tangent, let’s get back to the clothes. Ms. Stewart almost always looks like shit, because she has no style, never stands up straight, and always looks miserable. But I have to say, I think this might be the best she’s ever looked. The dress and shoes are undoubtedly gorgeous, she’s learned how to pose like an actual celebrity, and she almost looks like she’s having an okay time!
And this is definitely the most beautiful her face has ever looked. I never noticed before that her eyes are stunning and her skin is lovely. I wish she’d styled her hair, but then again, this is the MTV Movie Awards. People wear jeans on the red carpet to such a bullshit event. Her makeup is natural and lovely, and she only slightly looks like someone just farted in her face.
I don’t like Whitney Port on principle, because she’s another famous-for-no-reason wannabe fashion designer with no discernible talent for fashion. But I think she looks unbelievably sexy here. I hate the thick black eyeliner – I think it emphasizes how heavy-lidded and weird-looking her eyes are – and I wish her roots were a few shades lighter, but I love everything else. The dress is beyond gorgeous. Naked-looking, but not actually revealing. Great color, perfect fit, and those shoes add a level of complex styling that I didn’t know Whitney was capable of. And I think she might be wearing a watch, which I respect, because women rarely do that anymore.
Best Accessories/Worst Britney Impersonator
Let’s start with the essentials: the dress. From far away, it just looks like she’s covered in lint. And we’ve all seen this outfit before – it’s just a more modest version of Britney’s infamous nude-and-sequined outfit in her “Toxic” video. But there are actually a lot of things I love about what’s happening here, which is particularly surprising, since Katy Perry is up there with Rihanna and J.Lo on the list of my least favorite celebrities, on and off the red carpet.
I actually love the blue color of the wig. What I hate about the wig is those awful bangs that Katy insists upon wearing even though they look terrible on everybody, particularly Katy, who is not a natural beauty, just a decent-looking girl with a great makeup artist. But I actually think that crazy blue is gorgeous with the dress and just nutty enough for the MTV Awards. Those yellow neon nails are so eye-catching and fun, and the best surprise is how they match the shoes:
Come on. Those shoes are gorgeous in their own right, and the matching nail color is just perfection. There were some great style moments in this outfit, but they don’t quite compensate for Katy Perry’s general suckiness.
The #2 Reason I Didn’t Date in High School…
…BECAUSE THIS IS ACTUALLY WHAT GUYS ON THE JERSEY SHORE LOOK LIKE. This is not even an exaggeration of what they look like – this is actually how fucking stupid most of the guys in my area actually look, complete with the fake tans, excessive jewelry, and truly horrific haircuts. As Cher wisely said in Clueless, “So okay, I don’t want to be a traitor to my generation and all, but I don’t get how guys dress today. I mean, come on, it looks like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair – ew – and cover it up with a backwards cap and like, we’re expected to swoon? I don’t think so!” The styles may have changed, but the sentiment remains true as ever.
For those who were wondering, the #1 reason I didn’t date in high school was because I was only attracted to gay men. But I bet you could have guessed that.
Lord of the Ice
Johnny Weir is a rock star. Well, not by profession, because he’s actually an Olympic figure skater, but he has the soul of a total fucking rock star. He’s also one of the only Olympic skaters who actually embraces what a huge homo he is. They all embrace it on the ice – I mean, you sort of have to, as there’s basically nothing gayer than figure skating except ice dancing and Liza Minelli – but J.Weir is loud and proud about what a queen he is. And while he sort of looks like the love child of Lady Gaga and Peewee Herman, I applaud him for that fierce blazer and festively cocooning his neck in crinoline for no apparent reason.
But honey, I’d fix the makeup. Either go all-out, and do eye makeup in addition to the copious amounts of blush and lipstick you’re sporting, or nix the makeup altogether. This just looks unfinished.
Fashion Week Favorite
Nothing makes me feel better as a fashion blogstress than when my favorite looks from New York Fashion Week get worn by celebrities on the red carpet. As you may remember, this was the final look in Zac Posen’s Fall 2010 collection, which I blogged about as one of my favorites. Fritzy (that’s what I call Anna Kendrick – the character she played in Camp before anybody but me and Cameron knew she existed) looks utterly fabulous here from head to toe. One of her arms is hidden, but I hope it bears a fabulous bracelet, as she looks a little under-accessorized. But this dress is gorgeous without being too fancy for the event, and that’s a difficult line to walk.
It truly depresses me how hard Christina is trying to be Lady Gaga. Christina, you are not Lady Gaga, and you will never be Lady Gaga. And that’s okay – because you’re fucking Christina Aguilera! You have one of the best voices in pop music history, you had a long and brilliant career, and now you have a beautiful husband and child (both Jewish, I might add). You don’t need to be resorting to auto-tuned vocals and over-sexed, overly dramatic music videos and gimmicky costumes. I love Gaga, but we don’t need more that one of her. Just be proud of being Christina, and people might actually still like you. But now you’re just depressing the shit out of us as you try to cling to your youth and fame. And this dress is downright fugly.
Best Dressed/Most Awkward Presenter
I could only stomach about ten minutes of the actual awards show, because MTV hasn’t been relevant to my life since 7th grade, and all I really cared about was seeing Betty White and whether Malfoy would win the award for Best Villain. MTV decided to script a super-awkward conversation between ScarJo and Sandra Bullock which of course ended in a lesbian kiss, because it’s MTV. But regardless of how uncomfortable that is, or how hilarious it was to see Betty White politely clapping while those ladies shared a weak-ass, forced kiss, Scarlett looked simply amazing. I would never have worn something this classy on MTV – I’d have saved it for a more formal or less youthful event – but I can’t deny that this look is nearly flawless. I think she might be wearing blue nail polish, which I strongly oppose, but that may just be the lighting. And again, this dress demands a glittery bracelet or necklace to be complete. But all in all, this ensemble is excellent.
More fashion to come later, straight from the red carpet at the Sex and the City 2 premieres!
The past few weeks have seen several Sex and the City 2 premieres, a Glee red carpet event, and several Resort 2011 collections. So let’s make up for lost time and dive straight into the action.
Glee‘s Best and Worst
Well, it’s obvious how Quinn Fabray became the most popular girl at McKinley High (before she got knocked up and joined New Directions, of course). She is just a stunningly beautiful woman who embraces her best features. Old school Hollywood hair, contemporary but classic dress, fierce shoes, and the perfect shade of lipstick can go a long way. And I love to see ladies dropping the unnatural shade of orange and showing off their natural porcelain complexion. Maybe everybody looks better with a tan, but nobody looks better with a fake tan, and I like when starlets accept that fate and stay naturally pale. Dianna looks simply marvelous here, and I’m looking forward to seeing what else she’s got.
Heather Morris plays Brittany, everyone’s favorite dumb cheerleader. She gets all the funniest lines and she’s the best dancer on the show, with the possible exception of Other Asian. And yet, from her ankles up, you’d have know idea she’s on a hit TV show. The hair is awful – one long braid has no place on the red (or, in this case, blue) carpet, and she looks terrifyingly like she might be wearing a Bump-It. She absolutely needs a new makeup artist – the attempt at dramatic eyes just looks messy, and her lips are crying out for some color. That shapeless potato sack of a dress is a terrible color, too. But damn, those Louboutin heels are gorgeous.
Best and Worst of the Resort 2011 Collections
Tell me, does anyone really need a denim romper with cuffs and a matching denim blazer? Is there actually a market for this outfit? Is someone lounging around their apartment in their underwear, mourning the fact that they have no denim to romp in? If you are that person, just know that therapy is always an option.
This dress had me immediately captivated. Chic and simple, perfect styling – the hair, the eyes, the shoes, it’s all gorgeous, and it all serves to highlight the gorgeous textures and prints in that fabulous little dress.
I’m coining a term for this look: Mormon Chic. It’s like a cross between what Chloe Sevigny wears in real life and what she wore in the first few seasons of Big Love, back when they actually dressed her like she grew up on the compound. It’s prairie-licious and fabulous, and I love the stark contrast between that virginal white dress and the sheer black stockings and blood-red heels.
Though I think this is a little too reminiscent of designers like Christian Siriano for me to over-praise it, I love this dress. It may lack originality in its silhouette, but I think that print is gorgeous, the color is fabulous, the draping is perfect, and it’s something any woman could wear on a night out during her summer vacation.
I moaned aloud when I saw this dress. Dior may be repeating some of his old tricks, but this is still impeccably crafted, beautifully designed, and evokes emotion from the people who see it. The barbie-on-acid styling amps up the volume and kicks a bit of edge into a delicate and romantic look. This Diva would wear this gown to her wedding, if she could afford it, and if she didn’t mind looking like she fell in a bucket of Easter egg dye.
Black Lace Gone Bad
Oh, V. Cheer up. I know you must be well aware that Gossip Girl‘s death is imminent, since the show stopped making sense or appealing to any viewers quite a few months ago. But that’s no reason to take your feelings out on your wardrobe. Some helpful hints for a woman in mourning:
- A ponytail is not a hairstyle – at least, not when you’re at the premiere of Sex and the City 2.
- A scarf is not a shirt. Just because it covers your nipples does not mean it’s clothing.
- Unless you moonlight as a dancer in a 1980s New York gay bar, there’s never really a need to wear a sheer black shirt.
I could focus on the black lace tail that seems to have come lose from the rest of the dress, or the way the entire skirt seems to be made of curly human hair, or how there is some sort of Jetsons-go-to-a-funeral vibe happening with the top of this dress. But all I need to say is that this dress shows UNDERBOOB. Underboob, like jodhpurs, mermaid gowns, and body hair, HAS NO PLACE ON THE RED CARPET. Tuck that shit away. For God’s sake, it’s not even the best part of the boob.
The hair. The hair is absolutely killing me. I don’t know what’s worse: the black roots, the platinum tips, the hair extensions, or how unwashed and mentally disturbed all of it looks. And this dress is just an ornate tablecloth torn apart and sewn back together with a peephole that I fear is slowly taking over Mischa’s entire torso. And those shoes just might be the ugliest things I’ve ever seen.
Best of the Week
It’s definitely not a dress I would wear, but I respect Emma Watson’s efforts to always dress in pieces that have a one-of-a-kind feel to them. I feel like she nearly always looks impeccably put together, but more importantly, she likes to take risks and surprise people. Note how similar this dress is to Mischa’s above it – both are short white dresses with short sleeves, black detailing, and a cutout in the middle – and yet this is lightyears better than Mischa’s mess. This dress is modern and funky. The cutout just above the waist would be treacherous on a normal woman, but of course it works on Hermione’s fabulous figure. And her legs go on for days thanks to those enviable Christian Louboutin heels that I’m shocked she can even walk in. That hair color is not my favorite – I think it’s a little red for her complexion – but I commend her on a risk well taken and wish her a safe journey in those shoes.
The Worst of the Millennium
My dear readers, please don’t get overwhelmed. I know there’s a lot to take in, and that this might be very difficult for you to stomach. But let me hold your hand through this one, and I promise we will be okay.
Now, you may recognize these conical suspenders from New York Fashion Week. In fact, I called those suspenders the #1 worst look at all of Fashion Week. Special thanks to Rihanna for proving me right, as they look even stupider on her than they did in on the runway.
I’m just going to point out the fact that it seems like packing tape is keeping her cones together. I’m also now certain that Rihanna tits are fake – they can’t possibly be that round and perky when nothing is even holding them up. That’s not good genes, that’s just downright impossible.
And she has a red bowl haircut with black roots. I don’t know if I say this enough, but I’d really like her career to be over now, please.
Stay tuned: Fashion from the MTV Movie Awards and the Sex and the City premieres will be up soon!