Welcome back, dear readers.
KATE MIDDLETON in a Riess dress and a Nessie jacket
A princess sometimes has to get a little prissy. It’s part of the job. So although this jacket is a bit on the Queen Mum side, she looks beautiful and the skirt is lovely. The hat could be fabulous if it weren’t quite such a bulbous shape (or perhaps her hair just needs to be down), and HELLO! She’s got a fabulous pair of legs on her. Get it, Princess Kate!
KATE MIDDLETON in Jenny Packham
This is absolutely the loveliest woman on planet earth. We don’t criticize the nude-on-nude accessories, because matching is important when you’re a princess, and they’re all in such a lovely, shiny blush-pink color. The dress is perfect for her. She looks a shade on the thin side, but she has always been a very petite woman. Although, she may have better guns than Michelle Obama, which is saying something. And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that I refuse to die before I find out what kind of shampoo Kate Middleton uses.
KIM KARDASHIAN in Dolce & Gabbana
And then there are times when even a size up won’t work. Kim, darling, it doesn’t surprise me that you would be an incredibly self-deluded, insufferable moron, but I didn’t think you were also mentally insane. But to look into a mirror – or spend your money paying people to dress you – and not see that this is NOT THE DRESS FOR YOU must be a sign of paranoid schizophrenia. That being said, we like the colors, but the teal in the shoes might be overkill.
KIRSTEN DUNST in Louis Vuitton
KRISTEN STEWART in Balmain
I hate to give the same advice over and over, but SMILE, BITCH. You’re young, thin, and rich. There’s nothing to be so gloomy about, except for the fact that you’re wearing a hand towel instead of a dress.
KRISTEN WIIG in J. Mendel
I KNEW Kristen Wiig had it in her! And by that I mean, I knew Kristen Wiig would get a big old Bridesmaids paycheck and spend it on a stylist and start looking fierce as hell! I want her to know that she’s too pretty to require that much makeup, but this dress is an awesome color and flatters her coloring and her figure beautifully. We love the shoulders, and the bracelet was a nice touch.
If she could just dress her age for once, please, I would be so happy. This is what Hailee Steinfeld should be wearing, not you, Kristin. And that’s not to say you can’t flaunt your fabulous figure at 46 – you just can’t do it in a twee little blush pink prom dress and strappy nude sandals.
Indeed, it is Lady Gaga wearing a dress with her face on it! Should we be relieved that she’s clothed, or disappointed again in her increasingly shameless self-promotion? She’s a tad over-exposed (literally and figuratively) and these kinds of fashion shenanigans aren’t helping.
LADY GAGA in vintage Versace
But wearing layers and layers of incredibly fabulous vintage Versace couture? This is the kind of Gaga antics we just love, love, love. Note the crazy shoulder, the incredibly beautiful belt, and the voluminous skirt, which can easily convert into…
LADY GAGA in Versace
This, we love. The colors, the wig, the shoes/stockings/whatever those are – all of it is colorful and daring and exquisite. Every color in that dress [Editor’s Note: It could be a top and skirt, we’re unsure] is super-fucking-trendy this season, and the teal wig actually works with it.
LI BINGBING in Naeem Khan
MALIN AKERMAN in Tommy Hilfiger
MICHELLE OBAMA in Naeem Khan
NICOLE KIDMAN in Proenza Schouler
OLIVIA WILDE in Yigal Azrouel
It’s a lot of print, but we’re actually really enjoying Olivia in this lovely gown. A simple silhouette, simple colors, but fabulous mixed prints – we dig. If her hair was a little more done and she added a bracelet, I’d be fully satisfied.
Princess Kate’s sis strutted around in a fabulous little white sundress, a denim jacket that looks cute on her but please god everyone stop wearing denim jackets, and a purse that I am going to rip off her arm, I want it so badly.
ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY in Stella McCartney
SARAH JESSICA PARKER in L’Wren Scott
We love this dress. The shoes are also gorgeous, but for this dress, we’d have gone with a more dramatic shoe to keep this a little less bridal. And for SJP, hair down is usually a better idea than hair up.
UMA THURMAN in Valentino