Happy Sunday, readers!
AMBER HEARD in Dior
Very trendy, very chic. A little forced – something about the makeup screams, “Pay attention to me!” a little desperately – but the dress is lovely and the shoes are practically mandatory footwear for a wannabe starlet.
ANNA KENDRICK in Monique Lhuillier
Honey needs to take a tip from Lady Gaga and realize: I AM MY HAIR. Since your hair looks like shit, by the Gaga Theory of Hairology, you also look like shit. The accessories aren’t helping – Anna looks like a Christmas present that I have no desire to unwrap.
ANNA WINTOUR and DONNA KARAN
Donna Karan can’t be counted on to look good – only to be wearing as many items of her own design as possible. But I wanted to note how lovely Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour looks in her fabulous printed dress. The shoes are a little twee for us, but the belt keeps it more serious.
It saddens me to say this about a 24-year-old, but does it seem to anyone else that Ashley’s had a bit of work done? Is she just holding back a sneeze, or does her face look a little frozen and strange? Either way, her dress is beyond boring and the styling is dull as can be.
Oh, Brad. We can usually count on you to be the best dressed nerdy queer on any given red carpet, but this is far from your best look. The two inches of ankle your sporting give you the appearance of an overgrown schoolboy. And what is happening with these colors: brown shoes, black pants, grey jacket, and a cranberry bow tie? Have you lost your damn mind?
CAREY MULLIGAN in Prada
She and Anna Kendrick must go to the same stylist – they both attempted to rock a simple, cute dress, made awful by accessories that match each other (but not the rest of the outfit), god-awful hair, and not enough makeup. Clearly, shit ain’t working. She went from androgynous, interesting, pixie-Peter-Pan-looking to just kinda looking like an eleven year old boy in a dress.
CATE BLANCHETT in Giorgio Armani
Oh, Catie, no. I love a woman in a suit, but it needs to be a suit that fits her. Those pants must be two sizes too big, and the jacket is too small in the sleeves and a touch too big everywhere else. With the baggy, peach-nude pants and those pointy, flat shoes, your legs look awfully stumpy. Get a new tailor, and try again next week.
CHARLIZE THERON in Dior
This one gets more boring every day, but I wanted to point her out to note the trend of spiderweb sandals on the red carpet. I don’t mind them in lighter colors, but they tend to look very severe in black. Dear readers, do give us your opinion on these shoes. Summery and fun? Or just a tad ugly?
Untameable tits aside, Joanie looks surprisingly put-together, given that off the set of Mad Men, she nearly always looks like hell in a handbasket. I think one size bigger in the dress would have been a wise mood, but we like the hair, makeup, earrings, and shoes. Good effort.
COBIE SMULDERS in Tommy Hilfiger
That’s some ugly hair, and the strings coming off the dress are so Elvira and trashy. That effect is worsened by how badly this woman needs to invest in a bra. You may be one hell of a MILF/cougar hybrid, but you’re still pushing fifty, and fifty-year-old women NEED TO WEAR BRAS.
Dakota’s little sister has gained quite a fashionable reputation over the past few months, and this picture embodies the reason for that rep. This is one little darling flower child, no? She’s in a vintage dress and Lanvin shoes, and I can’t imagine a more beautiful and appropriate way to dress a thirteen-year-old star.
EMILY BLUNT in Marc Bouwer
Those sharp shoulders are just too severe for her. She gives off a bit of a cold vibe to begin with, so she needs to stick to looks that soften her. And her feet look very sad, strapped into those too-tight sandals.
EMMA ROBERTS in Amanda Uprichard
We’re not huge on those bulbous, round-toed pumps, but she looks pretty adorable. They’re a great color with that green, as long as you’re unfamiliar with Barney the Dinosaur. She could use a bit of jewelry to brighten up the look.
FAN BINGBING in Georges Hobeika
The dinginess of the bottom of that skirt saddens me – how could anyone wear floor-length couture in the rain?! – but weather can be unpredictable, so we’ll leave it to Georges Hobeika’s people to get on Bingbing’s back about ruining their gown. Because otherwise, she looks so lovely in this lilac color, which is a dream on her beautiful skin. The purse is a little weird, but we respect that she took a departure from the usual evening bag. The hair, makeup and jewelry are very lovely.
GISELE BUNDCHEN in Oscar de la Renta
We’d have done hair down, or at least a way nicer updo than this one, but other than that, we are falling HARD in love with this look. We love the shape, color, and texture of the gown, and the incredible pop of pink, and the dark purse and ring. Well done, Gisele!
HAILEE STEINFELD in Tommy Hilfiger
We hate the shoes, but everything else is FAB. And I know she’s fifteen, and fifteen-year-olds (and Lady Gaga) are allowed to be silly about their hair, but she’d look SO much more chic with a good haircut. Just sayin’.
JAYMA MAYS in Ann Taylor Loft
These little Calvin Klein-esque tank dresses stopped being trendy around the time Friends ended. Jennifer’s body actually looks great in it, but she also looks so dull it’s almost painful. You can’t wear a dress with literally no interesting elements and not add at least one interesting accessory. But from the hair to the makeup to the lack of jewelry to the shoes, the styling here is just lazy.
JENNIFER GARNER in Yves Saint Laurent
JENNIFER LOPEZ in Georges Hobeika
She wore Jenny Packham’s version of this dress less than a month ago. What is with her need to dress like a flower girl lately? It’s so off-putting. It’s like watching some fucked up, Benjamin Button version of a little girl in her mother’s clothes.
JENNIFER LOPEZ in Temperley London
How many times must I say this? Adding a giant, ugly shoulder piece to an otherwise nothing dress doesn’t make it interesting, particularly when the styling is equally boring. And slicked-back hair is not your friend, J.Lo.
JESSICA ALBA in Dolce & Gabbana
Even though this is approximately the nine hundredth dress we’ve seen from the Dolce & Gabbana Spring 2011 collection on the red carpet, this might be my favorite Jessica Alba look . . . well, ever, because I nearly always hate what she wears. But she looks lovely and comfortable and appropriate, all of which are important in dressing a near-mommy for a red carpet event. We hate the shoes but the jewelry, hair, and makeup give off this lovely hippie-mama vibe that I actually dig.
Tune in later for Part II, and don’t forget to join us on twitter as we live-tweet tonight’s Tony Awards!
© Democracy Diva, 2011.