Welcome to the hottest mess of a runway you’ve ever seen.
ANTHONY RYAN and LAURA
Laura nabbed the win for this look, in spite of the fact that it’s a pretty obvious Gucci rip-off [Editor’s note: See the Fall 2011 Gucci collection and basically everything Florence Welch wears in concert]. More importantly, it’s not a particularly strong design. The best part is the Gucci-influenced feathered shoulders, but Anthony Ryan admitted that those were glued on, not sewn. I’d love to see a challenge that banned hot glue guns from the competition and watch the designers lose their damn minds. The hair and makeup are trannylicious and the proportions are a hot disaster. You’d think that elongating the model’s legs by several feet would make her look long and lean, but she actually looks unnaturally broad and wide up top. The white sheer netting is very ice skater-esque and cheapens the whole look.
ANYA and OLIVIER
The bodice is interesting, if not perfectly executed. I like the contrasting gray colors and the cut-outs in the back, and the print of the skirt is actually quite lovely. This didn’t strike me as particularly interesting during the episode, but the longer I look at it, the more I think it deserved a spot in the top three. It still needs a bit more going on, but at least it’s nice-looking and wearable, with some thought put into it. I certainly would rank it higher than Anthony Ryan and Laura’s red feathered mess. Plus, who wouldn’t want to look at Anya and Olivier as a team? They’re so freaking beautiful.
BECKY and KIMBERLY
There are a lot of interesting and well-made things happening here, but the look as a whole doesn’t quite succeed. But that may be due more to the stupidity of the stilts challenge than anything else. The jacket is very nice – perfectly on-trend, with the military buttons, and a great contrast between the lime green cuffs and the printed fabric. It’s well-tailored and the asymmetrical cut is fun and youthful. I don’t hate the Star Trek collar as much as the judges and other contestants seemed to – I actually thing the shoulder piece is much worse. I’m all for a giant, Gaga-licious shoulder, but this one just looks lumpy and weird. The pants are surprisingly well-tailored, considering that very few contestants in Project Runway history have been capable of making a pair of pants. I like the seam down the center, which elongates the leg (not that this stilted model needs it) and the way they brought back the brassy buttons at the bottom of the pant. On a woman of normal proportions, this might not look too terrible.
BERT and VIKTOR
I tend to skip the drama and get straight to the clothes, but I’ve got some feelings. So let’s take a moment to mention that Bert is an egotistical, ageist prick who seems incapable of understanding that people younger or less experienced than him might have something to add to the world of fashion. Darling, if you think you’re so far above this competition, why are you still whoring yourself out on reality television? Do I detect a hint of jealousy over the fact that your competitors have their entire fashion careers ahead of them? Are you really so insecure that you need to be so condescending toward a bunch of designers half your age?
Okay, I feel better now. Let’s talk about how fugly this dress is. The top and bottom have nothing to do with each other and could easily have come from two different but equally hideous dresses. Like Anthony Ryan and Laura’s look, the proportions on this are a nightmare and make a ten-foot tall woman look stumpy. Everything from the ruffled, bowed bodice to the crinoline haphazardly sticking out of her tits screams amateur hour. If Bert doesn’t lose the ‘tude and regain the skills he displayed in the first challenge, I’m hoping he gets cut REAL soon.
BRYCE and FALLENE (out)
Disgusting though many of the runway looks were, the judges rightfully ruled this the worst of the bunch. Nothing about this look shows off any design skills: it’s just clothes. And I’m not sure why the judges raved over this hot disaster of a hat – aside from the fact that fascinators are super trendy now (thank you, Brits!), it’s got nothing going for it. They basically sent a tank top, a belt, yoga pants and a few yards of tulle down the runway. We can argue about who should go home: the one who made the boring garment (Bryce) or the one who contributed nothing to the look (Fallene), but I think the judges made the right decision by auf-ing the latter.
CECILIA and DANIELLE
This was a bit over-praised, but it’s got some good elements. The sleeves are lovely, particularly from the back, and moved beautifully. The colors are fantastic, and the neck piece is interesting. I don’t think those pants are particularly flattering, but again, that could be more due to the stilts than any design or construction mistakes. But the hair, dear readers. I honestly did not know hair could look this ugly. No matter how stupid a designer is or what dumbass instructions they give, any hair stylist should no better than to do … whatever the hell this is.
JOSH EYEBROWS and JULIE
Was it over-the-top? Yes. Was that also exactly what Tim encouraged the designers to go for? Yes. Did the judges once again determine the outcome of the challenge based on completely different standards than the ones the designers were told? Yes! Although this is a WHOLE lot of look, exacerbated by the stilts, I don’t think it deserved all the criticism it got. If you recognize that Josh and Julie went over-the-top intentionally, and actually used their extraordinarily different design aesthetics in a very interesting way, I think this isn’t a bad look. The pants are pretty excellent, and though I don’t know who’d wear this matador top, that’s not really the point. It’s interesting, the shape is thought-provoking and unique, and it doesn’t look too poorly made. If the judges could, for once, be consistent in what they want the contestants to do, this look would have been safe instead of in the bottom.
Judges’ Top 3: Anthony Ryan & Laura (winner!), Cecilia & Danielle, Becky & Kimberly
Diva’s Top 3: Becky & Kimberly, Anya & Olivier, Cecilia & Danielle
Judges’ Bottom 3: Josh & Julie, Bert & Viktor, Bryce & Fallene (out)
Diva’s Bottom 3: Anthony Ryan & Laura, Bert & Viktor, Bryce & Fallene
All photos courtesy of Lifetime via New York Magazine.