Seal those windows and light your candles, dear readers, and hide out from the hurricane with the Democracy Diva.
DITA VON TEESE // bag by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Nobody does it like Dita. She knows how to take a classic vintage piece (the dress) and pair it with hot-off-the-runway designer pieces (the bag) and bold, colorful accessories (headband, shoes).
ZOE SALDANA // dress by Valentino, clutch by Ferragamo, shoes by Christian Louboutin
She looks just terrifyingly thin, doesn’t she? I do love this dress, though. That pink is just perfect with her coloring, and it looks like draped leather, which I find fantastic. Perfect shoes, purse, and bracelet.
ZOE SALDANA // dress by Balmain
A word to the wise: Nothing gets better if you add a train. Why, why on earth did she have to add that shower curtain of a mullet train? And the stripper shoes are a nightmare. The top half is okay, but similar Balmain dresses have been worn to death lately (by Emma Watson and Leighton Meester, to name a few).
LAKE BELL // dress by Cushnie et Ochs, clutch by Lena Erziak, shoes by Ferragamo
Kelly Rowland wore this dress a few weeks ago, and I think she wore it better. At least, she wore her hair down so she didn’t look quite as naked as Lake does here. All that bare skin, with the natural makeup and sex hair, makes her look a little too post-coital for my taste. Then again, she is at the premiere of a film called A Good Old Fashioned Orgy, so, when in Rome, I guess.
MINKA KELLY // dress and shoes by Ferragamo
Every individual piece is cute, but boring. The shoes are a great color, but the purse is really, really not.
ANNE HATHAWAY // dress, purse and shoes by Alexander McQueen
I’ve been going back and forth on this for days, but I think I’m coming out in favor of it. I questioned the relevance of the shoes to this outfit, and the taste level of the gold and white accessories, and the length/borderline mermaid gown happening here, but in a weird way, it all sort of works. It’s a strange length, but it actually makes her look statuesque. And the shoes, purse, and bracelets really are beautiful, and the neckline and sleeves of the dress are lovely.
MARIA SHARAPOVA // dress by Vera Wang, shoes from her collection for Cole Haan
Sorry, Maria, but those are the ugliest effing shoes I’ve ever seen.
FREIDA PINTO // dress by Ferragamo
Love me some Pinto, but I am so exhausted of these loose-fitting, simple belted dresses and strappy sandals. Step out of your box, Freida, or face the wrath of the Diva.
ROSE BYRNE // dress by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Sergio Rossi
Those little teardrop-shaped peep-toe shoes are one of my biggest pet peeves. They just bother the crap out of me. The dress is okay, but the belt is useless and there’s nothing else of interest here.
Precious has been pulling some bold colors out of her wardrobe, and I have been loving it. And those super-pointy shoes are fab.
Attention, gentlemen: Welcome to wearing the SHIT out of a suit. Take notes.
EVA MENDES // bracelets and clutch by Ferragamo
Good lord, she looks like a pregnant bridesmaid at her sorority sister’s wedding, wondering why the hell she’s in this ugly dress and plotting the murder of the bride.
LEIGHTON MEESTER // dress by Vera Wang, shoes by Jimmy Choo
Love the color, but I’m not sure about the belt, and the asymmetrical hem looks a little sloppy.
ASHLEY GREENE // blouse, skirt and shoes by Ferragamo
When will celebrities learn to make sure their clothes are camera-flashbulb-proof BEFORE leaving the house? I can’t look at anything except her black bra. I don’t really dislike the blouse or the skirt, but I can’t find anything I really like about this look either.
EMMA ROBERTS // blouse, skirt and shoes by Ferragamo
The skirt is fantastic, but that blouse is so matronly, I’m embarrassed FOR Emma. But I take no responsibility for that hair, which has gone from tacky and sloppy to natural disaster in a matter of months. She is in desperate need of a hairntervention.
Okay, the next starlet who shows up on the red carpet in a sloppy fishtail braid is getting punched in the groin.