Believe it or not, there are plenty of fashionistas who aren’t at Fashion Week or the Grammys or the BAFTAs, and it’s time to judge them.

DIANE KRUGER at the Berlin Film Festival // gown by Giambattista Valli, purse by Judith Leiber

This is probably one of the most beautiful gowns I have ever seen. It’s got a hell of a lot going on, such than on a lesser woman, I’d scream, “It’s too much!” But Diane Kruger can pull off so much amazing fashion that other women can only dream of wearing, because she’s European and looks like a goddamn supermodel. I’ll give the few critiques I have: the gown is a bit long on her, and I’d have preferred a little less poof around the shoulders. But I love the ombre effect of that sparkly black melting into the black and white polka-dots, I love the purse, I love the belt.

DIANE KRUGER at the Berlin Film Festival // dress by 10 Crosby Derek Lam, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

This is a little harder to love, but it’s so surprising that I really can’t help but enjoy it. Faithful readers know how many goddamn starlets we see in nude sparkly gowns and little black dresses and peep-toe pumps – there is nothing more refreshing to a fashion blogger than colors, prints, and unconventional footwear. And Diane managed to do all three! I think I’d prefer it if the green dress didn’t poke out of the bottom, making it look like she’s wearing an apron over her dress. But the concept is interesting, the hair and makeup are fantastic, and we need a moment to appreciate those shoes:

By all logic and reason, I should hate these. Yellow sandals with orange soles and glitter and rhinestones and beads glued to it like it’s some preschool art project? On paper, that’s hideous. And yet – I LOVE THEM. Maybe I never matured past age five, but I WANT TO WEAR THESE EVERY DAY, and don’t you dare try and stop me.

DIANE KRUGER at the Berlin Film Festival // top and skirt by Alessandra Rich

Once again, Diane gets kudos for wearing things that surprise me, but I couldn’t hate those shoes more if I tried. They’re pretty awful in their own right, but with that skirt? Downright absurd. I think the proportions here are kind of a hot disaster – the length of that skirt is particularly bad, as is the fit of the blouse – but it’s something new and different, even if it does look a bit homesewn.

EMMA WATSON in London // dress by Valentino, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Yum, yum, YUM. Bringing full-on diva glamour – red dress, black shoes, red lips, black nails. And this is the moment where the pop of red in the Louboutin heel makes all the difference – that itsy-bitsy glimpse of crimson brings the whole look together for me.

ANGELINA JOLIE at the Berlin Film Festival // gown by Jenny Packham

She looks beautiful. It’s so refreshing to see her in something bright that actually fits her body rather than another colorless draped thing that makes her look miserable and starving. The sleeves on this gown are particularly lovely, and the silhouette makes her look crazy tall and lean. Fabulous.

ANGELINA JOLIE at the Berlin Film Festival // dress by Salvatore Ferragamo, shoes by Christian Louboutin

This, on the other hand, makes her look emaciated. And like her arm sprouted out of her waist instead of her shoulder.

KATY PERRY performing at the Tribute to Paul McCartney // gown and hat by Alexis Mabille

Haters can hate, but there are few women daring enough to don Alexis Mabille couture in general – let alone when there’s a giant fascinator in the equation. I actually think this pink is kind of great with her blue hair, and I love all the detailing in the dress, particularly that beautiful skirt. But let’s focus on that hat:

I love it. I love, love, LOVE that hat, and I think Katy’s one of the only women in the world who can pull it off. One of the many perks of being a pop star – the ability to wear a fabric flower the size of a small child on your blue-dyed head and STILL LOOK FABULOUS.

KATY PERRY in Hollywood // dress by Fausto Puglisi, shoes by Charlotte Olympia

These colors are just too bright. Perhaps if she lost the sleeves and the blue hair, I could dig this dress, but not like this, where the neon colors are putting me at risk for early-onset blindness. But I do love that long, straight, very severe and blunt bob (if not in blue).

CATHERINE, DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE in London // coat by Jesire, shoes by Jimmy Choo

I don’t know about you, dear readers, but I’d give up just about all my worldly possessions for that coat-dress.

GABRIELLE UNION at the Los Angeles premiere of Think Like a Man // dress by Amsale, shoes by Jimmy Choo

She looks beautiful, but painfully boring. And the dress is a little immature for Gabrielle.

VANESSA HUDGENS // dress by Alice + Olivia, purse by Chanel

Not a fan of the shoes, but the bottom of the dress is really lovely and the peacoat and purse work well with it.

REESE WITHERSPOON at the Los Angeles premiere of This Means War // dress by Miu Miu, shoes by Christian Louboutin

She’s been in a style rut for at least a few years now, I’d say. It’s all strapless cocktail dresses with printed bodices and black skirts. And this isn’t even a nice one, or a well-fitting one.

MILLA JOVOVICH // gown by Elie Saab

No. You cannot simply throw on an Elie Saab gown and think, “I’m ready to go!” without considering things like length, fit, color, styling, and generally not looking like a hot tranny mess in a very expensive gown. First, the length – it’s miserable, and once the beading stops, the color is awful. Even with the beading, that color is totally wrong for her skin tone, and the hair and makeup are beyond atrocious. Don’t get me started on the saggy fit around the waist – it’s pathetic. I’m offended that someone could take such a beautiful gown and make it look so… blech.

LEANN RIMES // dress by Hervé Léger

In case you thought there was nothing worse than an Herve Leger bandage dress – here is a scalloped, flare-skirted version. And it’s hideous. The white blazer doesn’t match the almost-white dress, the shoes are ridiculous, and that teal ring on her finger is hideous. Also, I know some people are all about the top-knot, but I think a regular bun is infinitely more attractive on pretty much everyone.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON in New York City // dress by Stella McCartney

Be more interesting, please.

ROSE BYRNE in New York City

What in the name of awful pants is going on here? How could anybody think these proportions were going to work? A high waisted pant that’s baggy to the knee and tapered at the ankle? It makes Rose look like she’s trying to hide a lot of muffin top under those pants, when there is no such muffin top to hide! The blazer’s cute, but it’s so shrunken and the pants are so high-waisted that it just kind of makes everything worse, proportion-wise. And I’m never going to stop complaining about those bangs, Rose, so you might as well go get a haircut tomorrow and save us both some time and energy.

PAULA PATTON in New York City // dress by Versus, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Oh my God, woman, even out your spray tan! Your face is caked with foundation that’s slightly too yellow for your skin, your legs are orange, and your arms are white. And while bra inserts and padding are a girl’s best friend, the effect is ruined when we can actually SEE that what’s filling out the dress is all undergarments and zero breasts.

JENNIFER HUDSON at the Los Angeles premiere of Think Like a Man // skirt by Gucci, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

She looks like a suburban teeny bopper at a shopping mall. I don’t think there’s a worse insult out there.

SOLANGE KNOWLES in New York City // dress by Vera Wang

Your niece might be the most famous baby on the planet, Solange, but let’s hope Blue Ivy takes her fashion cues from Jay’s side of the family. Because I refuse to let this mullet-hemmed nightmare and  awful matching pumps be passed down to another generation.

DEMI LOVATO in Los Angeles

I was going to list all the things I would do to fix this, but I’ve got a lot to do tonight. So let’s just say she looks like some cross-bred hippie/biker/raver, encourage her to fire everyone who has ever approved of anything she’s ever worn, and call it a day.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2012.
. facebook . twitter . tumblr . pinterest .