The Challenge: In an unreasonably short five weeks, and with $9,000, create a ten-look collection for New York Fashion Week. But wait! You must choose three to present to the judges, because there will be another elimination before the full runway show. Or we’ll just pretend to have one, and torture everyone through an hour and a half long episode for absolutely no reason, other than to see half-assed garments that these designers could barely defend.
Seriously, producers: It’s bad enough that you’re making us deal with the conceit that “only [insert number here] of you will make it to fashion week.” All of your watchers also have social media that tells them that ten fucking designers showed their collections at fashion week, so the fact that you keep repeating this so many times in the episode is mind-numbingly stupid. But this “twist! One of you will be out! Double twist! No, you won’t!” garbage is so. fucking. tired. When you let the majority of the contestants in the competition show at fashion week, and you don’t give them nearly enough time to make anything marginally better than what they throw together during the challenges, the result is totally lackluster and utterly underwhelming.
Look 1: A complete and total throwaway. An utter embarrassment considering it’s his introduction to the world at New York fucking Fashion Week. Look 2: Another throwaway. Not as terrible as the first, which the judges were right to laugh at and basically banish from the runway, but it’s still pathetic. The cocktail dress is nothing unique or particularly stylish, and his X-ray print was ridiculously literal. Since Episode 1, I’ve known Christopher would be my least favorite designer to make it to the finale. He’s too green and inexperienced, and it’s got nothing to do with age, since Christian Siriano was practically a fetus when he won. But I am so tired of pretending he’s got any talent I haven’t seen before.
The little white dress is a fantastic piece, I’ll give him that. But I thought that fringe-sleeved jacket was silly, as was showing two sheer shirts in three looks. The black skirt was nothing special, but I would have liked the short-sleeved blouse if it weren’t sheer with a strapless bra underneath. I didn’t think his styling was particularly frumpy or matronly, the way the judges did; I simply felt it was uninspired and lazy. Overall, I expected more creativity, color, and versatility from Dmitry.
Like Christopher, Fabio’s vest/tank combo made for one sorry throw-away look. I get that grungy-chic is his thing, but that bra is ridiculous, even if the necklace is awesome. The giant vest moved beautifully in its own weird way, but the pants are barely worth commenting on. The middle look is somehow overworked and underwhelming at the same time. The neckline on the third look was fantastic, and the colors were interesting and fresh, but his hippie style can border on drab when he’s not careful. And the oversized shoes and bowl-cut wigs have got to go.
I might be most disappointed in Melissa. None of this is memorable and most of it has no place on a New York Fashion Week runway. Her supposed “show piece” is that white jacket, which was a shabbily-constructed version of the same thing she’s shown us all season long. And it was paired with a very unfortunately draped pair of pants that make her model’s vagina look downright ridiculous. The LBD on the right was cute, but nothing more. And once again, the wigs are a fucking disaster.
I wish I could be a little more excited for the finale, but I’m more ready for it to be done so that I can focus on All Stars. It’s still the same producers, which means the same bullshit and the same constraints that limit the contestants’ creativity, but at least I already know some of them have the chops and some of them will provide the humor. That’s better than I can say for this bunch after this disastrous episode.