Let’s kick off the weekend right – with a healthy dose of judgment.

KIERNAN SHIPKA in Los Angeles
dress by Valentino, shoes by Rupert Sanderson

Let’s face it: Twelve-year-old Sally Draper is half my age and twice my chicness. This is the perfect Valentino little white dress, but it’s Rupert Sanderson’s phenomenal take on Mary Janes that clinches the look for me. She looks lovely (although she doesn’t need so much makeup) and I love the hair.

KIERNAN SHIPKA in Los Angeles
dress by Oscar de la Renta

Another adorable little cocktail dress made even cuter by a killer pair of shoes. When you’re twelve, bow-adorned kitten heels aren’t twee, they’re freaking awesome.

KIERNAN SHIPKA in Los Angeles
dress by Opening Ceremony

I’d yell at a grown woman for those braids, but once again, age-appropriateness is everything. I love that she’s veering away from the traditional, sweet and girly dresses to something a little more modern. The bright accessories are fresh and cute and happily not matchy-matchy. I defy you to find an adult woman who can compete.

DAKOTA FANNING in New York City
sweater by Comme des Garçons, skirt by Acne, purse by Louis Vuitton, boots by Alexander Wang

This, dear readers, is how you do schoolgirl chic in 2012. Every item she’s wearing is phenomenal, and together, it’s that effortless off-duty style that hasn’t existed since everyone started pandering to the street style photographers for their 15 megabytes of fame. Don’t get me wrong, she’s still pandering to cameras – you don’t get free Louis Vuitton purses and equally stunning Alexander Wang boots unless you get photographed in them – but she’s so much less desperate about it than so many of her peers. It’s refreshing.

NAOMI WATTS in Madrid
dress by Marchesa, purse by Louis Vuitton, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Naomi is working a modern-day Marilyn vibe that I’m digging, but I think the big shoulders with the boxy clutch is enough volume and shape. The platform shoes in addition make her look like everything she’s wearing is weirdly blown up. But nix the two inches separating her feet from the ground and you have a pretty fucking fantastic red carpet look.

GINNIFER GOODWIN in Los Angeles
dress by Jenny Packham, purse by Marc Jacobs, shoes by Jimmy Choo

I think this dress is all kinds of phenomenal, from the sparkling trim on the collar and sleeves to the colorblocking to that beautiful shade of blue. I think those shoes are just a little bit too “Look how fashion-y I am,” which is par for the course for Ginnifer, but it’s still one in a string of recent red carpet successes (her Emmys dress, for one fab example).

SIENNA MILLER in East Hampton, New York
gown by Alessandra Rich, purse by Charlotte Olympia, shoes by Prada

I think the ivory gown is fantastic, and I love a good lips clutch, but the chain on the purse is absolutely killing me. And I think those terrifying shackle-bracelets on each wrist are a little much. Still, it’s by far my favorite look from Sienna in years, so that’s something.

MILLA JOVOVICH in New York City
gown by Armani Privé

I love the earrings, but they’re almost absurdly over the top when paired with this dress. It’s way too much. I kind of love the gown, but that scaly print is pretty bizarre and the shape doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. But Milla Jovovich’s crazy eyes have that magical power that seems to make even the strangest gowns look oddly fabulous.

HAILEE STEINFELD in Beverly Hills
dress, shoes, and purse by Louis Vuitton

Cute dress, but it’s a terrible neckline for that gold choker collar thing. The shoes are a little expected, and the purse is cute, but not particularly great with the rest of the outfit. Don’t hold out on me, Hailee – you’re better than this.

OLIVIA WILDE in New York City
dress and shoes by Calvin Klein

Olivia, I’m not sure where you’re going with this whole muumuu situation. You look kind of fabulous, but I still don’t think you can wear this outside a beach party. Thoughts, dear readers? A Diva divided cannot stand.

OLIVIA WILDE in New York City
dress and purse by Alexander McQueen, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Allow me to go on a rant, dear readers. It’s not because Olivia looks bad – it’s tough to make this woman look anything but good – but it’s that I’m going to scream if I don’t see some new looks on the red carpet. Olivia herself wore a high-shouldered McQueen LBD with another matching McQueen clutch just last week, for God’s sake. Julianne Moore donned the same exact trend last month in Toronto, as did Kate Hudson in white. It’s not a trend I used to hate, but it’s so tired and unoriginal – I mean, of course McQueen studded clutches look great with matching McQueen dresses with dramatic high shoulders in basic black or white. No shit, stylists of Hollywood. Now can we move the fuck on already?

 CATHERINE, DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE in London
dress by Paule Ka, shoes by L.K. Bennett

I’m torn, because that jacket is so freaking killer, and the skirt is lovely, but her black stockings/black shoes combination is giving me Zooey Deschanel hate-feelings that I just don’t think I can overcome. I’m a girl who loves her tights in the wintertime, but black on black is about as unoriginal as you can get.

LEIGHTON MEESTER in New York City
dress by Giambattista Valli, shoes by Casadei

Fabulous dress, painfully boring shoes, relatively terrifying fan in the background. Just a day in the life of Leighton Meester.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON in Paris
dress by Christian Dior, shoes by Roger Vivier

She looks cute, but that’s about as much as I can give you. This is pretty boring for someone so established in Hollywood. Scarlett’s never been my favorite girl on the red carpet, but this just feels lazy. And I will never stop hating her tattoo that I always mistake for a sticker you get after you get a shot at the pediatrician’s office.

SALMA HAYEK in New York City
dress by Stella McCartney, purse by Bottega Veneta, shoes by Brian Atwood

From the ombre hair (NO!) to the orange-red lips matching her clutch (NO!) to her painfully boring black peep-toe pumps (BAD STARLET! Your husband is a billionaire in the fashion industry! You can do better!), I’m underwhelmed.

JESSICA ALBA in Los Angeles
jacket, blouse, and pants by Narcisco Rodriguez, purse by Jimmy Choo, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Sometimes, Jessica can pull off lots of funky separates and look totally cool and sexy. Here, she looks like she’s in a very sad clown costume. The matchy-matchiness of this is overwhelming to the point of ridiculousness. I don’t care how nice the individual pieces are, this is not meant for a real human being to wear all at once.

JENNIFER GARNER in Beverly Hills
gown by Monique Lhuillier, purse by Bulgari

There is virtually NO reason Jennifer Garner could not have gotten this tailored before the event. There is no excuse for wearing a dress that doesn’t fit you in the bust, waist, hips, stomach, or length, not when you have the resources of a movie star. If you can afford a Monique Lhuillier dress, you can afford to make it fit. Get it together, Jennifer.

NICOLE KIDMAN in New York City
dress and shoes by L’Wren Scott

Her makeup is terrifying, and I think this orange-red color is awful on her. But it’s the matching shoes that pushed this look to the bottom of my list. Style-wise, she looks like she’s been in a coma for twenty years. I just don’t find anything about this interesting or beautiful.

EMMA WATSON in London
dress, pants and shoes by Christian Dior

Emma, I love you, and I support you in all your endeavors and throughout every stage of your pixie cut. But please, know that I say this with love, but hear me all the same: Just because it says Dior doesn’t mean it’s not REALLY. FUCKING. STUPID. Dresses over pants are not a thing. You cannot change that. So please, Emma, don’t try – this is no way to become the 3rd consecutive winner of March Fabness.

KRYSTEN RITTER in Los Angeles
dress by Christian Dior, purse and shoes by Jimmy Choo

The sheer-skirts-over-granny-panties trend is bad enough. But I am going to lose my fucking mind if we’re now doing black granny panties under hot pink ballerina skirts. Every styling choice made here, from the GILF-panties to the black nails/toenails to the truly atrocious hair and makeup, was a near-catastrophic mistake. I don’t know what you did with the cute actress who was maybe a little too old to be wearing so many Alice + Olivia dresses, Krysten, but I’d much prefer her to whatever the hell this is.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2012.
. facebook . twitter . pinterest .