Are you ready for the end of Round 2? 

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY vs. KAROLINA KURKOVA

Keira: Isn’t it sad?

Karolina: Isn’t what sad?

Keira: I just think it’s so depressing that neither one of us is the most famous K.K. on the planet.

Karolina: Oh, God. I hadn’t even thought of that. I need to go cry in my bed for like, three weeks minimum.

Keira: I know. I’m an Oscar-nominated actress, and you – well, I’m not sure what you do, but I’m certain it’s more important than whatever that OTHER K.K. does all day.

Karolina: I mean, I’m a model, so I’m not really one to tell someone else that they’re vain and their “career” is bullshit… but that bitch is VAIN, and her “career” is indeed BULLSHIT.

Keira: Maybe we’re just not thinking broadly enough. We just need more famous K.K.s to outweigh her power.

Karolina: Are you by any chance friends with In & Out star Kevin Kline?

Keira: Um, no. And I’m not sure how much he would really help our case.

Karolina: Oh, well. Worth a shot.

NAOMI WATTS vs. ZOE SALDANA

Naomi: Is this your dog?

Zoe: What? No.

Naomi: Ugh. I have to stop being so adorable that beautiful small animals follow me around all day.

Zoe: Is that a thing?

Naomi: You’ll understand when you stop doing comic book movies and finally get an Oscar nomination.

Zoe: Whatever. I have a picture of me and Chris Pratt touching our belly bumps together, and that’s really all I’ll ever need.

Naomi: Well, I suppose that’s fair. Although, it’s not fair that you had your baby like ten minutes ago and already look this good.

Zoe: I know, Naomi, but life isn’t fair.

Naomi: You think I don’t know that? I’ve been beaten out for an Oscar by Jennifer Lawrence. She was still a braces-wearing Kentucky nobody when I got my first nomination.

Zoe: I’ll tell you what. We’ll team up and take her down, and I’ll steal her blockbuster roles and you can take the serious ones. Deal?

EMMA WATSON vs. KATE BOSWORTH

Emma: *double air kiss* Kate, how are you? It’s lovely to see you again.

Kate: *exasperated sigh* Hi, Emma.

Emma: What’s wrong?

Kate: You. You’re wrong. And infuriating.

Emma: Me? What did I ever do?

Kate: Um, you put like maybe 10% effort into your wardrobe this year and will STILL probably kick my ass in this battle because EVERYONE JUST LOVES YOU SO GODDAMN MUCH.

Emma: It’s not my FAULT, Kate. You think I asked for this? You don’t think I’d like a bit of normalcy once in awhile?

Kate: Not really, no.

Emma: Once you play Hermione Granger, people are physically incapable of not being obsessed with you. It’s a curse, Kate. A CURSE.

Kate: OMG LIKE AVADA KEDAVRA?

SOLANGE KNOWLES vs. EDDIE REDMAYNE

Solange: Hey, cutie.

Eddie: Don’t flirt with a freckly Brit! I may never stop blushing!

Solange: Can I borrow your moccasins?

Eddie: Yes! Of course! But only if you’ll loan me your – um – what do you call whatever those things on your feet are?

Solange: Wait, you have those moccasins in gray AND navy? #jealous

Eddie: Yes, but none of my suits are as sparkly as yours.

Solange: Well, maybe not, but you still suit up pretty damn well.

Eddie: Oh, I know. I mean, just look at me. I’m basically flawless.

Solange: My sister trademarked that word. You now owe her ten million dollars.

Eddie: Er… okay then.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2015.
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