Are you ready for the end of Round 2?
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY vs. KAROLINA KURKOVA
Keira: Isn’t it sad?
Karolina: Isn’t what sad?
Keira: I just think it’s so depressing that neither one of us is the most famous K.K. on the planet.
Karolina: Oh, God. I hadn’t even thought of that. I need to go cry in my bed for like, three weeks minimum.
Keira: I know. I’m an Oscar-nominated actress, and you – well, I’m not sure what you do, but I’m certain it’s more important than whatever that OTHER K.K. does all day.
Karolina: I mean, I’m a model, so I’m not really one to tell someone else that they’re vain and their “career” is bullshit… but that bitch is VAIN, and her “career” is indeed BULLSHIT.
Keira: Maybe we’re just not thinking broadly enough. We just need more famous K.K.s to outweigh her power.
Karolina: Are you by any chance friends with In & Out star Kevin Kline?
Keira: Um, no. And I’m not sure how much he would really help our case.
Karolina: Oh, well. Worth a shot.
NAOMI WATTS vs. ZOE SALDANA
Naomi: Is this your dog?
Zoe: What? No.
Naomi: Ugh. I have to stop being so adorable that beautiful small animals follow me around all day.
Zoe: Is that a thing?
Naomi: You’ll understand when you stop doing comic book movies and finally get an Oscar nomination.
Zoe: Whatever. I have a picture of me and Chris Pratt touching our belly bumps together, and that’s really all I’ll ever need.
Naomi: Well, I suppose that’s fair. Although, it’s not fair that you had your baby like ten minutes ago and already look this good.
Zoe: I know, Naomi, but life isn’t fair.
Naomi: You think I don’t know that? I’ve been beaten out for an Oscar by Jennifer Lawrence. She was still a braces-wearing Kentucky nobody when I got my first nomination.
Zoe: I’ll tell you what. We’ll team up and take her down, and I’ll steal her blockbuster roles and you can take the serious ones. Deal?
EMMA WATSON vs. KATE BOSWORTH
Emma: *double air kiss* Kate, how are you? It’s lovely to see you again.
Kate: *exasperated sigh* Hi, Emma.
Emma: What’s wrong?
Kate: You. You’re wrong. And infuriating.
Emma: Me? What did I ever do?
Kate: Um, you put like maybe 10% effort into your wardrobe this year and will STILL probably kick my ass in this battle because EVERYONE JUST LOVES YOU SO GODDAMN MUCH.
Emma: It’s not my FAULT, Kate. You think I asked for this? You don’t think I’d like a bit of normalcy once in awhile?
Kate: Not really, no.
Emma: Once you play Hermione Granger, people are physically incapable of not being obsessed with you. It’s a curse, Kate. A CURSE.
Kate: OMG LIKE AVADA KEDAVRA?
SOLANGE KNOWLES vs. EDDIE REDMAYNE
Solange: Hey, cutie.
Eddie: Don’t flirt with a freckly Brit! I may never stop blushing!
Solange: Can I borrow your moccasins?
Eddie: Yes! Of course! But only if you’ll loan me your – um – what do you call whatever those things on your feet are?
Solange: Wait, you have those moccasins in gray AND navy? #jealous
Eddie: Yes, but none of my suits are as sparkly as yours.
Solange: Well, maybe not, but you still suit up pretty damn well.
Eddie: Oh, I know. I mean, just look at me. I’m basically flawless.
Solange: My sister trademarked that word. You now owe her ten million dollars.
Eddie: Er… okay then.