Katniss versus Johanna makes it official – it’s the Fifth Annual Fabness Games! 

EMMA STONE vs. KIERNAN SHIPKA

Emma: Is this the part where we stand still on our platforms for sixty seconds while we size up the competition/contemplate our imminent deaths?

Kiernan: Uh, only if you’re a loser. The only things I’m contemplating are the myriad ways I’m about to murder your face off.

Emma: Don’t make me come over there and stab you in the boob, Sally.

Kiernan: Come over right now! It’ll be fun watching you trigger the explosives and get blown to pieces.

Emma: Fine. I’ll wait until the sixty seconds are over, and THEN come stab you in the boob.

Kiernan: Not a chance. I have more powerful allies than you can imagine.

Emma: Who? The Careers?

Kiernan: The ULTIMATE Career – EMMA WATSON.

Emma: NO.

Kiernan: YES. You think she’s forgotten the epic Emma vs. Emma battle of March Fabness 2012?

Emma: She won!

Kiernan: Yes, but by only two votes. That’s basically losing for Emma Watson.

Emma: Just you wait, Kiernan. After I kill you, I’m taking on Jennifer or Jena, and you know in the finals it’ll be EMMA VS. EMMA 2: BACK IN THE FABNESS.

Kiernan: You might want to work on the name.

Emma: Fine. EMMA VS. EMMA 2: ELECTRIC FABALOO.

Kiernan: There you go.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE vs. JENA MALONE

Jennifer: Wait, I was totally not paying attention when the cannon went off, and now the McQueen backpack I want is gone. Can we have a do-over?

Jena: Nope. I’m not giving up these knife-heeled Louboutins. Unless I leave one lodged inside your heart.

Jennifer: Careful, Jena. My belt doubles as a murder weapon.

Jena: I’m going to shove one of my Barbie magic platforms down your throat.

Jennifer: This is me, laughing at the idea that you could ever defeat me.

Jena: This is me, giving no fucks at all.

Jennifer: That’s a gorgeous shade of lipstick. Or blood. I hope it’s blood.

Jena: Play nice, or I might spit it in your face. At least it would improve your makeup.

Jennifer: I don’t need anything from you. Except maybe your head, on a spike.

Jena: I’m going to have YOUR head made into an extravagant Bulgari necklace. And then I’m going to set it on fire.

Jennifer: Well, that just seems like a waste of a perfectly good accessory.

Jena: It is. THAT’S HOW MUCH I HATE YOU.

Jennifer: You can’t defeat me, Jena. I am an entire generation’s imaginary best friend.

Jena: Well, I’m an entire generation’s imaginary cool older stepsister.

Jennifer: Just look at the wings coming out of my head, Jena. I am the motherfucking Mockingjay.

Jena: Yup. And I’m still going to kick your ass.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2015.
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