Time to head to Paris. (And Rome. Apparently you’re allowed to have couture shows outside France? Who knew?)
JULIANNE MOORE at the Chanel show
gown by Chanel
Gorgeous color and texture. And the necklace is so statement-making it should have its own verified twitter account. Even the matching shoes work. Fuck, you guys, why don’t I get to go to the Chanel show? I look great in midnight-teal velvet.
MIKA at the Valentino show
suit by Valentino
I’ve never seen Mika on the red carpet before, but of COURSE his fashion is as explosively fantastical and gay as his amazing music. This suit is SO his Grace-Kelly-meets-Freddie Mercury persona.
OLIVIA PALERMO at the Valentino show
gown and purse by Valentino
I spend about 30% of my time thinking about why Olivia Palermo is famous and when the hell she’ll stop over-accessorizing. I may never have an answer for the first question, but at least she FINALLY went for an extremely detailed gown with ONE accessory. (Her usual shtick is extreme details + four hundred accessories + fringe + animal print, and it makes me want to die.)
OLIVIA PALERMO at the Dior show
dress, sunglasses, and shoes by Christian Dior
See? Not simple by any means, but refreshingly toned-down to a point where you can actually see and appreciate each detail.
OLIVIA PALERMO at the Fendi show
skirt by Markus Lupfer
This is pushing it. I’d nix the purse. Or at least the strap on the purse. I’m all for mixing prints, but I will not stand for an abuse of power-clashing.
OLIVIA PALERMO at the amfAR Dinner
gown by Christian Dior
A hideous wrinkled mustardy mess.
JAMES MARSDEN at the Valentino show
suit by Valentino
Delicious, although I’m not buying that pitch-black hair for a second. You’re 41 and you have salt-and-pepper facial hair, James. You’re allowed to have some gray in your hair.
FAN BINGBING at the Dior show
skirt by Christian Dior
The proportions are kind of awkward, but I suppose that’s the point. I’m used to a little more oomph from Ms. Bingbing, though.
KRISTEN STEWART at the Chanel show
suit by Chanel
Go ahead, girl. I actually think the greasy hair and eternal pout are the perfect accessories for a black velvet Chanel suit. She looks like a young Elaine Stritch, which is always a compliment coming from me.
TILDA SWINTON at the Valentino show
gown by Valentino
Tilda is my favorite fashion alien on earth.
DITA VON TEESE at the amfAR Dinner
dress by Ulyana Sergeenko
Sweet and chic, but Dita’s style is getting a little predictable for me. She can stick to the old Hollywood glamour she loves so much and still give us a bit more of a surprise.
LUPITA NYONG’O at the Dior show
dress, purse, and shoes by Christian Dior
It’s cute, but I love this more because of Lupita being Lupita than anything else.
EMILY BLUNT at the Dior show
dress and jewelry by Christian Dior
Love the hair and the shoes, but the rest is a bit forgettable. C’mon, ladies, it’s the couture shows. Take a risk.
ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY at the amfAR Dinner
gown by Atelier Versace
I can see why this would be pretty on the runway, but I really can’t stand it. I enjoy a corset top, but this looks like her body actually IS a corset, and it’s giving me the wiggins.
ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY at the Dior show
jacket, shorts, sunglasses, and shoes by Christian Dior
Good street style; weak-ass couture showing. Just… try harder, will you?
LILY COLLINS at the Chanel show
Yes, because saggy faded lace pants that display your granny panties are SO UNIVERSALLY FLATTERING, right?
GWYNETH PALTROW at the Valentino show
gown by Valentino
It’s like Gwyneth knows how much we hate her, and wants to see how far she can run with that before we all actually lose our minds.
RITA ORA at the Chanel show
Listen, I don’t care if you have your tits out at the Chanel couture show. I’m sure it gave Anna Wintour a heart attack, which is good enough for me. But unless this horrific space suit has actually traveled via rocketship to the fucking moon, there is no reason for it to look this wrinkled.