Welcome back, judgmental bitches!
CATE BLANCHETT at the Kering dinner
gown by Iris van Herpen
Say a prayer of thanks to the Cannes gods, who ensured ten days of orgasmic red carpet realness the moment they put Cate Blanchett on the jury. Cate smartly opted for minimal jewelry (a rarity at this diamond-encrusted film festival), the better to let the detailing of her statement dress shine.
CATE BLANCHETT at the Trophée Chopard event
gown by Armani Privé, jewelry by Chopard
And she looks just as glam in the reverse – a clean, classic gown dressed up with a statement necklace that’s to die for.
CATE BLANCHETT at the Blackkklansman premiere
gown by Givenchy, jewelry by Chopard
Dark and mysterious, but bright and fun. Ms. Blanchett contains multitudes.
DIANE KRUGER at the Sink or Swim premiere
gown by Armani Privé, jewelry by Chopard
Another long-running queen of Cannes, Diane Kruger did not disappoint. Cosplaying as an ancient Greek Disney princess was a brilliant move.
DIANE KRUGER at the Trophée Chopard event
gown by Prada, jewelry by Chopard
I don’t know why those beaded straps connect to the bottom of her boobs instead of the top, but she still makes it work. And the earrings are a delightful surprise.
DIANE KRUGER at the Kering dinner
dress by Viktor & Rolf
Cute without venturing into saccharine. The smooth, sleek styling perfectly balances the sweetness of the dress.
AISHWARYA RAI at the Sink or Swim premiere
gown by Rami Kadi
Old-Hollywood elegance, but that ultra-sharp neckline brings a modern flair.
NAOMI CAMPBELL at the Blackkklansman premiere
gown by Poiret
I’ve become so used to Naomi in black leather, lace, and feathers; it’s been refreshing to see her venture outside that box. The shiny fabric draped over a sheer floral bodice feels like a fresh take on Halle Berry’s iconic Oscars dress, and that is definitely a compliment.
SONAM KAPOOR at the Blackkklansman premiere
top and skirt by Ralph & Russo
It’s certainly stunning – Sonam never hits up Cannes without some serious couture in her luggage – but it’s a whole lot of skirt. And the single cape sleeve is a perplexing choice.
ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO at the Blackkklansman premiere
gown by Zuhair Murad
It’s less slinky and more statement-making than most of the black sheer embellished gowns we’ve seen lately. And the almost gothic nature to the jewelry really makes this look come to life.
JANE FONDA at the Blackkklansman premiere
gown by Valentino, jewelry by Chopard, shoes by Sarah Flint
I want that sparkly robe, and I want it now.
JANE FONDA at the Sink or Swim premiere
gown by Givenchy, jewelry by Chopard, purse by Roger Vivier
It’s not my favorite of the genre, but I’ll take it.
JANE FONDA at the Trophée Chopard event
suit by Alberta Ferretti, jewelry by Chopard, shoes by Sarah Flint
Sleek and stunning. The necklace? Delicious.
SALMA HAYEK at the Kering dinner
gown by Gucci
Salma Hayek’s looks always feel a little bit half-baked to me. I think the sparkly little chain around her waist doesn’t make sense with the giant tassel necklace. And this shade of blue just reads like a gender-normative baby shower.
BELLA HADID at the Blackkklansman premiere
gown by Elie Saab, jewelry by Bulgari
The fabric is stunning and the jewels are a delight, but the fit really bothers me. I’m all for sideboob, but not if you have to make the front of the dress fit poorly in order to achieve maximum sideboobiness.
KRISTEN STEWART at the Blackkklansman premiere
dress by Chanel, shoes by Christian Louboutin
The proportions are kind of a nightmare, but leave it to K.Stew to pull this off. And didn’t she speak for an entire nation of women when she took one look at a flight of stairs…
…and gave a giant “fuck you” to the Cannes dress code? Heels are allegedly required. And yes, that’s some bullshit. So here’s to you, Kristen:
The relatable starlet we deserve. Or as relatable as someone can be while wearing Chanel, anyway.
KRISTEN STEWART at the Kering dinner
gown and jewelry by Chanel, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Well, it’s not a week in Kristen Stewart’s wardrobe without a mildly awkward beaded Chanel concoction or three.
WINNIE HARLOW at the Blackkklansman premiere
gown by Ralph & Russo, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
Great color, love the bodice. I think the draping gets a little confused somewhere south of her waist.
CHLOË SEVIGNY at the Kering dinner
gown by Gucci
This is the third time we’ve seen the “bow on boobs” thing this week. And unfortunately, my darling divas, three is a trend.
MARION COTILLARD at the Sink or Swim premiere
gown by Chanel, jewelry by Chopard
It’s fine. After the panty-dampening couture we’ve seen so far, it’s hard to get excited about this.
IZABEL GOULART at the Sink or Swim premiere
gown by Zuhair Murad, jewelry by Chopard
A runway model is never going to look bad in a dress like this, but that doesn’t mean I’m not exhausted just looking at her.
ARAYA A. HARGATE at the Sink or Swim premiere
gown by Giambattista Valli, jewelry by Chopard
I actually kind of love this, but it is straight up too much dress for her. However, it was Araya’s next look that landed her so close to the bottom of this post:
ARAYA A. HARGATE at the Trophée Chopard event
gown by Jean Paul Gaultier
I’ll give Araya this much: it’s impressive that her fishing net picked up so many discarded Game of Thrones wigs from the bottom of the ocean.
NATASHA POLY at the Blackkklansman premiere
gown by Atelier Versace
This is the worst thing in the universe. I expect a full apology and an Edible Arrangement from Natasha for making me look at this.