Best/Worst of 2009: On the Red Carpet

Best of the Divas

It may be a cop-out, but I had to go with a three-way tie for this one. These three women had fantastic years for their careers, were all nominated for major awards, and all knocked their red carpet looks out of the fucking park. More than just being beautiful at first glance, all of these dresses were incredibly memorable for me.

Anne Hathaway at the Oscars

I loved this the moment she stepped onto the red carpet. She brings such elegance to everything she wears, and this Armani Prive gown was stunning to begin with. The impeccable styling and perfect fit add to Annie’s fabulous and classy runway persona. And the cherry on top is that she looks even better in it than the fucking runway model, even though she’s curvy and not model-thin. That is why Anne is a goddess.

Drew Barrymore at the Grey Gardens premiere

Drew went mega-period piece in this ensemble, and yet it looks event-appropriate instead of costumey. I usually loathe gowns that match the woman’s skin color too closely, but this nude Alberta Ferretti design is breathtaking. The make-up, hair, and accessories are perfect complements, and Drew’s old Hollywood glamour shines bright at the premiere of her crowning achievement in 2009.

Kate Winslet at the SAG Awards

If you lived in Ivory Tower 412 in spring of 2009, you would know that Kate Winslet was our queen. It seemed as though she was winning every award, looking fabulous all over the place, and making us weep with every acceptance speech she gave. She has an uncanny ability to speak in an incredibly humble and thankful way, while dressing like she knows she’s going to win. This Narciso Rodriguez gown is what the red carpet is all about. Flaunting the curves without being slutty, a color that pops, a perfect cut, and a few stunning accessories. This is the dictionary definition of what a winner should wear, and Kate just glows in it.

Worst Singer-Actress Hybrids

Let’s stick with our three-way tie theme, and begin with two hilariously memorable outfits from the same event, by the same designer.

Leighton Meester at the MET Gala

There’s nothing I can say about this except, WHY? The hair is awful, the make-up is clownlike, and the Louis Vuitton costume is beyond insane. To top it all off, her awkward stance and pedosmile make her seem legitimately insane.

Madonna at the MET Gala

Madonna. You’re 51 years old. The dress? Awful. The gloves and peekaboo bra? Seems like you’re trying to relive your youth. The boots? Far too trashy for that event, regardless of your age. The headpiece? I have no words.

Beyonce at the Oscars

I can’t find the name of the designer for this one, which means it was probably designed by Beyonce’s mother, the creator of all her most trashtastic outfits. This is a nightmare. The print is completely out of style, the dress is at least one size too small, and I LOATHE MERMAID GOWNS WITH ALL OF MY SOUL. Why do your calves need so much more room than the rest of your body? Oh, right. They don’t. So STOP IT. The fabric looks cheap and tacky, especially at the bottom. And it does not flatter her curves at all. She just looks like a large, uncomfortable couch. Beyonce, I deplore you: Find new gays, because the ones styling you now clearly hate you.

Best/Worst of 2009: On the Catwalk

Here’s what I loved and loathed on the runway this year.

Best of the Runway

Christian Siriano, by far the most successful winner of Project Runway to date, gave quite a show in his Spring 2010 collection. My favorite thing about Christian as a designer is that he is a showman, but unlike most fashion designers, he makes the drama all about the clothes.

Christian Siriano, Spring 2010

He nailed the look from head to toe: shoes that complement the look perfectly without seeming matchy-matchy, low-key hair and makeup, a perfectly fit dress that’s incredibly body-conscious, impeccable draping and a truly beautiful print.

Other designers try to shock you into paying attention to them with moth-eaten ball gowns, outfits made for rich aliens, or enough whimsy to make you gag. This isn’t to say that those kind of over-the-top designers are untalented; on the contrary, they are incredibly innovative and creative artists. But what I personally love about runway fashion is when the designers don’t just let themselves run amok. The true challenge comes when designers force themselves to create ready-to-wear looks, and don’t use smoke and mirrors to distract from their clothes. Christian nails that challenge, and that is why he is an amazing designer.

Worst of the Runway

Hands down, the Lindsay Lohan-led Emanuel Ungaro Spring 2010 line was the biggest hot mess to hit the runway this year. I actually had to choose between several different atrocious outfits from that line, as there were so many that made me question Lindsay Lohan’s judgment more than I already did.

Emanuel Ungaro, Spring 2010

My thoughts in a nutshell:

  • A tacky, unflattering strapless bra is not a shirt.
  • The colors are nauseating together, and not in an interesting way.
  • High-waisted genie pants. I don’t think I need to elaborate on that one.
  • Adding an ill-fitting bolero jacket does not elevate your look. It just makes it more depressing.

The collection was doomed from the start, and under serious scrutiny because of Lindsay Lohan’s relationship to it. But there’s no excuse for putting this kind of bullshit on the runway. It’s an insult to Fashion Week.

Tune in tomorrow for more best/worst of 2009.

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