Repeat Offenders

This could also go in the God-Awful Colors category, especially against her orange skin. But look, it’s long and Grecian with a train and a sparkly belt! Oh, wait, that’s exactly what she wore at the NYC premiere of Nine! And what Hayden Panettiere wore to the Golden Globes three years ago! And what Jennifer Lopez wore to her birthday party! And, you know, what everybody wears to every red carpet event! If you’re going to pick a boring, redundant dress in an ugly color, just do us all a favor and stay home.

First of all, doesn’t it look like she spilled just a bit of champagne on her left breast? If you’re going to drink en route to the red carpet, wear a bib. Also, aside from the fact that basically everyone wore flesh tones (Emily Blunt, Nicole Kidman, Toni Colette, etc.), Drew’s worn this exact color before, and worn it much better. Remember this dress, one of my favorites of 2009? I loved that unique, pink/gold/mauve color. Until she wore the same exact color last night. I’m instituting a new fashion rule: If you wore it to the premiere, you can’t wear it to an awards show where you’re nominated for that same piece of work.

New Moms and Old Broads

Mirren brought her A-game in something tight, low-cut, and glitzy – all big risks for an AARP member. And she nailed the look without pulling a Madonna (trying to look half her age). Adams is 35 and pregnant and has never looked better. I generally resent the matchy-matchy accessories trend, but the color of those shoes and purse is so unique and beautiful that I’ll forgive it. And Meryl Streep’s dress is a tad boring, but she’s posing the shit out of it, and it makes her look younger than ever.

Worst Dressed

I’ve already complained excessively about my hatred for mermaid/fishtail gowns, and how people’s calves really do not need that much more room than the rest of their bodies, so let’s move onto the color. People.com calls it light gray, but it’s lavender. It’s lavender, poofy, shiny, and those sleeves are borderline puffy. The only good thing about this photo is Heidi’s truly incredible smile. Then again, if I were a German supermodel with a hit TV show and an adorable family, I’d look happy no matter what I wore, too.

Best Dressed

Okay, I know none of you are surprised I chose her for the best dressed. But putting my obvious bias in her favor aside, she looks flawless. Most red carpet newcomers look uncomfortable and awkward (as do some oldcomers – that’s right, Sandra Bullock and Jessica Biel, I’m talking to you) on the red carpet or in couture gowns. It takes a certain kind of person and a certain amount of practice to wear a gown this fierce, and Miss New Diva on the Block is wearing it. The jewelry, hair, and make-up are all flawless, and she looks the way we all should at the awards show for our first big nomination (not to discount her Drama Desk nomination, but most people do) – a tiny bit nervous, but with excitement in the eyes and a hint of a smirk. It’s like she’s saying to the girls who teased her in middle school, I don’t know if I’ll win, but at least I’m here, bitches.