Liveblogging the SAG Awards

6:00 pm: E!’s live coverage of the red carpet begins.

6:04 pm: No one famous has arrived, which isn’t surprising, considering the awards show doesn’t actually start for two more hours. So I’m just watching Giuliana talk about herself. Kill me.

6:07: E! is showing the making of the award statues and the rolling out of the red carpet. They’re not even trying to pretend celebrities will be there anytime soon.

6:14: I hate when they show commercials in a box on the same screen as red carpet things, but it’s for Kendra and her baby, so I have to allow it. My family has a weird obsession with Kendra.

6:16: The gentleman they have interviewing Edie Falco is beyond insufferable. I don’t understand how he has a job that involves him speaking to people, let alone speaking on television. I may explode from listening to his voice.

6:22: Chris Colfer wants Julie Andrews to guest star on Glee. Don’t we all, baby doll. He looks gorgeous and he’s very well-spoken. And Asian, aka Tina, aka Jenna Ushkowitz, looks beautiful.

6:27: Betty White! What a fierce color she’s wearing. And it’s all glitzy and slutty. And she wants Neil Patrick Harris to play her in a Golden Girls remake. I wish we were friends.

6:31: Tracy Morgan is wasted. But like, wasted. He also feels the need to answer for his date, including thanking Giuliana for saying she is beautiful. I’m pretty offended, but he also said “Morgan Freeman could be my Daddy!” And I think he just said “cock.”

6:35: Carey Mulligan looks like a little boy and is boring. I’m gonna go make dumplings.

6:39: Cory Monteith of Glee knows that he is nothing compared to George Clooney. He’s a smart kid.

6:41: Christina Applegate looks like she had a weird eyelift or some bad Botox or something. She’s having a lot of trouble moving her face. Honey, get the plastic surgery done at least a few days before the show and give yourself time to heal!

6:44 Amber Riley is in the house and she looks fabulous.

6:48: If there really is a 3rd host for the Oscars, it should not be another person from 30 Rock, even though I worship Tina Fey. If they add anybody, it better be Conan.

6:57: Iiiiit’s FRITZY! Or Anna Kendrick, as she is more commonly known. She’s standing in a rather uncomfortable pose, with her arms crossed in front of her stomach, but the color of her dress is very lovely.

6:58: Tina Fey looks absolutely perfect. Great color, great fit, great hair, it’s all working for me. Until Giuliana referred to herself as a journalist in her desire to be honest about Tina’s outfit. Giuliana, get your head out of your ass. You are not a journalist. You are lucky that you’re not still working at that McDonalds.

7:01: Jane Lynch is just so likeable. Her jewelry is gorgeous, but the top of that dress is just way too much fabric for her.

7:03: Mark Salling looks quite dashing. Most people can’t be dashing in a little puffy mohawk, but Puck nails it.

7:07: Holly Hunter is so freaking tiny, with the most intense guns I’ve seen since Madonna/Kelly Ripa. I like her just because she makes Giuliani look like an awkward, fumbling giant.

7:12: Sherri Shephard’s nails are blue, fake, and shiny. I can’t even believe how tacky that is.

7:17: Kyra Sedgwick’s gown would be better suited as a bridal gown, but it is very beautiful. I would just never go for something that formal at the SAG Awards. And I’m really not a fan of her hair, especially when the camera is showing her right side.

7:19: My girl Lea Michelle is in the house. Her Malandrino gown fits her like a dream, the color is very unusual, and her hair and makeup are perfect. I can’t believe she nailed it three award shows in a row.

7:21: Julia Louis-Dreyfus looks too awkward to wear such a sexy dress. But she said the words we all know are true: “Ya gotta wear Spanx.”

7:22: “Wow, Justin. You look homeless.” – My roommate Roxie sums it perfectly. His hair is back to the 90s over-gelled afro, which is sort of funny, but sort of sad. And the beard is excessive.

7:29: Sandra Bullock’s dress is awful. Like she let her gay seven-year-old pick it out for her. Before someone stalked her, danced around in front of her house with animal fur, and ran over her husband with her car. (Rick, that was for you.)

7:33: Matthew Morrison is more charming than I could have imagined, and he looks super cute. He has a real sense of humor about himself, and still looks amazed and thankful to be where he is. I hope he doesn’t lose that.

7:35: Steve Carrell’s wife Nancy looks so lovely. I think they’re such a seemingly normal, happy couple. And apparently, he does full-frontal nudity in his upcoming movie with Tina Fey? I hope that’s real, and Nancy wasn’t just being silly.

7:41: Watching this boy swoon over Kevin Bacon is embarrassing to watch. Honey, either keep your shit together, or get a new job.

7:43: Jane Krakowski looks fine. Ironically, she does not look nearly as good as Tina Fey, who is supposed to be the Rhoda to her Mary (at least, on 30 Rock).

7:47: Gabourey Sidibe is pretty hilarious, but they’re pushing the sassy gay man/sassy black woman relationship a little too hard. We get it. It’s enough.

7:52: Colin Firth looks old.

7:55: Caught a brief glimpse of Helen Mirren. She looks absolutely unfuckingbelievable. Better than most of the 20-somethings there. That woman is a goddess.

8:00: Switching from E! to TNT for the actual show. Overall thoughts on the red carpet: I hate Giuliana and everyone who works for E!, but a lot of people looked beautiful and seemed charming.

8:05: Kate Hudson looks awful. The hair, the dress, it’s all wrong. My pick for who should win Best Actor in a Comedy: Alec Baldwin. But I’ll be happy as long as Charlie Sheen doesn’t win.

8:07: The winner is… Alec Baldwin! Do I get to take a shot now?

8:09: Diane Kruger looks perfect from the front, but I really dislike the butt rouching technique on the back. I dig her earrings, though.

8:11: Female Actor in a Comedy Series. My pick: Tina Fey, of course.

8:12: And she wins! I’m 2 for 2 so far. Also, I think I like what Anna Paquin is wearing, but I’m not sure. Tina Fey is glowing, and I love her more every day.

8:14: Tina Fey makes the first awkward/hilarious NBC/Conan Feud joke of the evening. More to come.

8:19: Everybody is freaking out over Jane Lynch. I am too. I just love to watch her speak.

8:20: The comedy montage is pretty epic. Especially because it featured Jason Segel’s “I got a surprise for you!”

8:25: Outstanding Ensemble in a Comedy. My vote: GLEE, GLEE, GLEE!

8:26: 3 for 3! Yay for Gleeeee! Every single person up there looks so beautiful.

8:28: Gabourey and Monique, you’re talking about the movie you were in. Why does it seem so obvious that you’re reading off a teleprompter?

8:29: Helen Mirren takes the stage, and my heart. Everything about her is so regal. Male Actor in a Supporting Role. My vote: I missed every single one of these films, but I heard Christoph Waltz was amazing, so I’m rooting for him.

8:31: 4/4. I’m loving this Waltz fellow. What a heartfelt speech. Also, according to Nate, his son is a Rabbi.

8:38: Felicity Huffman looks too skinny. Outstanding Female Actor in a Drama Series. I don’t watch dramas, but my vote is Glenn Close.

8:40: Ah, I got this one wrong. Julianna Margulies takes the win. I really don’t like her dress. Too much fabric, ill-fitting, and who wears velvet in LA? (Credit to Amy for that one.)

8:43: Jenna Fisher is super-cute, but I’m not crazy about that prom dress. Outstanding Male Actor in a Drama. Again, I have no point of reference for this, but I’m going with Jon Hamm.

8:45: Damn, I was actually going to say that, until I switched to Jon Hamm. But Michael C. Hall certainly deserves this.

8:46: Carey Mulligan still looks like a little boy, and I don’t like her dress.

8:48: Ensemble in a Drama. I’m sticking with Mad Men for this one.

8:50: 5/7. Mad Men FTW.

8:52: Jon Hamm alleges that the Mad Men crew is better than the Glee crew. Can they please have a rumble?

9:03: Betty White is such a rock star.

9:10: They zoomed in on John Krasinski and Ed Helms applauding Betty White. That was a pretty random choice.

9:11: Betty takes the stage, slowly but gracefully. It is very moving to see the whole audience, from Sophia Loren to George Clooney, give her a standing ovation. She’s quite a woman.

9:12: She calls Sandra Bullock plain. BETTY WHITE FTW. Bitch is still sassy as hell.

9:13: “I was only 88 last Sunday, so I’ve still got lots more to do!” And then she sort of makes a sex joke. Phenomenal.

9:14: Betty White has made two sex jokes. I am so happy.

9:20: Very much a fan of the color of Anna Kendrick’s dress. And Stanley Tucci is just such a cutie. Female Actor in a TV Movie/Miniseries. I’m calling this one for Jessica Lange.

9:22: Drew Barrymore wins! But I’m a little confused about her dress. I love how flustered she is.

9:26: Male Actor in a TV Movie/Miniseries. I’ll say Kevin Bacon.

9:28: 6/9. Kevin Bacon’s suit is a little too youthful for him, but I still love him. And that was a beautiful speech.

9:30: Sigourney Weaver can barely walk in her shoes. And I’m pretty sure she’s worn that dress to like, eight other awards shows.

9:31: A simultaneous “Ohhh,” from me and Amy when Brittany Murphy’s face appeared. Like we’d forgotten that it had really happened.

9:32: Farrah Fawcett was just beyond beautiful.

9:33: I teared up when Bea Arthur’s face came up.

9:34: And I almost lost it at Patrick Swayze. I think we all spent so much time analyzing Michael Jackson’s death that I didn’t have time to process a lot of the other ones.

9:40: Female Actor in a Supporting Role: I’m going with Mo’nique.

9:41: 7/10. I like how she’s stopping to kiss the cast and crew on the way to the stage. Her emotional intensity makes me want to cry when she’s not even saying anything sad. She just looks so astounded that she is standing up there.

9:43: Oh, look, it’s tomorrow’s worst-dressed list, and Penelope Cruz.

9:51: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Meryl Streep. Thank God. Male Actor in a Leading Role. I’m making the obvious vote for Mr. Clooney.

9:53: Jeff Bridges! You go, man. What a fun, light-hearted speech. And his wife looked so proud.

9:56: Female Actor in a Leading Role. I’m going with Gabourey.

9:57: Two fantastic weekends in a row for Ms. Bullock. I’m 7/12, but she’s 2/2.


10:02: Best Ensemble. I’m going with Hurt Locker.

10:03: I wasn’t listening to the nominees and didn’t realize Inglorious was up for it. Otherwise I would’ve chosen them. But congrats, boys and Diane! I finish the night at 7/13, which isn’t bad, considering I didn’t see like any movies this year.

And we’re done! Tune in tomorrow for some red carpet photos and character assassinations. Good night, and thanks for reading!

The Week in Fashion: Mormons, Has-Beens, and Twins

This is the first of a new weekly series: A recap of the week in fashion (aside from big red carpet events, which are deserving of their own blog posts, of course). I’ll revive some categories week after week, but I’ll also throw in some new ones to keep y’all on your toes.

It Could Be Great, But…

Amanda Seyfried in Valentino at HBO's Golden Globes after-party

I see where this look is going, and I like the path that it’s on, but there is simply way too much happening. Here’s how I’d take this from over-the-top to perfection:

  • Those shoes would be nasty even with a simple dress, but they certainly don’t go with this ensemble. For something as complex as this outfit, stick to a basic shoe in black or ivory.
  • Keep the black lace draping and the invisible left shoulder. They’re brilliantly done, as is the old Hollywood hair and makeup.
  • Nix one of the two fabrics below the lace part. Using both looks indecisive and overwhelming.
  • The visible lines beneath the lace are interesting, if slightly off-putting. I’d keep just the vertical lines, to make her look slimmer and make the dress more wearable.

Sad Girls in Sad Outfits

Jessica Simpson at the LA premiere of Extraordinary Measures on Jan. 19

Guys, Jessica Simpson is having a rough time. She can’t hold on to a man, she can’t dress, her father makes awkward comments about her boobs, she’s untalented, and people keep ragging on her for her weight. So think of this not as a criticism, but as one girl trying to help another. God knows she needs it.

Hair and makeup actually look fantastic. Since the Tony Romo break-up, she’s been sort of wandering around LA with her hair a wreck, her roots showing, and her face swollen and puffy, like she was barely able to get off the couch and put down the pint of Ben & Jerry’s to come to that event. This is a huge turnaround for her. I mean, she still has that sadness in her eyes, but from the neck up, she looks more beautiful than she has in years.

But who are her People? You know, stylists, gay best friends, assistants, and whoever else is responsible for getting her dressed and out the door. Why did they allow this? Not that I object to all-black ensembles, but wearing three different shades of black (four, if you count the visible bra) is just unacceptable. This is one of those times when I want to remind everyone that when the cameras flash, your clothes don’t look the same as they do in your closet or when you walk out the door. And if you are hired to be on Team Jessica, it’s your job to know that, and plan accordingly.

That’s a Costume, Not a Dress

Keri Russell in Alexander McQueen at the LA premiere of Extraordinary Measures

Dear Felicity: You’re irrelevant, your shoes are ugly, and you look like you’re wearing the top half of a poorly made nun’s habit. Oh, and you have a pedosmile.

Frocks of the First Lady

Michelle Obama at the Red Cross Disaster Operations Center on Jan. 18

We’re going to wander weekly through this woman’s wardrobe, not just because she’s beautiful and fabulous, but because it’s super-easy, since she’s always out doing something, wearing something, and being photographed. Let me say first that the new bob does wonders for her. It flatters her face and makes everything she wears look more stylish. And this outfit represents everything a First Lady should: Grace, elegance, simplicity, and class. Good color, good fit, interesting and understated. Nice work, Mrs. Obama.

Best of the Week

Ashley Olsen in Erdem at the WB/InStyle Golden Globes after-party

I still can’t believe how much I love this, since I hate almost everything the Olsen twins wear. I get that boho chic is a trend some people dig, but I don’t think you always need to look like a homeless person. And it looks like Ashley finally agreed with me, when she went out in this uncharacteristically adorable dress.

I think the matchy-matchy shoes are a bit too bridesmaid, but from the ankles up, this is a perfect look. Most of the time, when the Olsens shy away from their usual garbage bag looks, they wear something insane and couture that ages them ten or fifteen years. But this dress is very youthful without sacrificing design. The color pops, and the dress has a lot of unique elements that don’t compete with each other. The bubbly skirt, the cascade of flowers, the to-the-elbow sleeves – they come off fun and kitschy instead of weird. I like the casual hair, because the color looks so great against that blue dress that it honestly doesn’t matter if she brushes it or not. And she looks shockingly fresh-faced, happy, and normal. Keep them coming, Ashley. I’d love to have more good things to say about you in the future.

Project Runway: Season 7, Episode 2

Because, let’s be honest, you value my opinion more than Heidi’s.

Kasey modeling Jay Nicholas's design

I definitely loved this and thought it deserved to be a top contender. The fact that Jay Nicholas made that fabulous bottom out of burlap still astounds me. The intentional roughness of the edges combined with the flirty and sexy shape is that true girly-meets-punk look that so many designers aim for, but so few achieve. He used texture in such an innovative way.

But from the back, the rough quality is just a little too rough. From the back, you can see that the dress doesn’t really fit in the side-boob area, and one strap is longer than the other (just long enough so that you know it wasn’t intentional). I’m all for the unfinished look, unless you actually didn’t have time to finish. For that reason, my personal winner was…

Alison modeling Amy's design

You really have to watch the video of Alison stomping down the runway to get the full effect of why this dress deserved the win. She made a potato sack flow like silk, and it was beautiful to watch. From my TV, it looked as if Amy had burned the edges of the skirt instead of dyed them, and I thought that was so unique. Now that I see the photos, the effect is much more geometric than distressed, and I still love the look. It was creative and well-constructed, two things that sadly do not often go together on Project Runway.

Now, I know many people in the blogosphere were screaming over the fact that Ping’s ass-bearing mishap did not send her home. Let’s deconstruct this hot mess, one side at a time.

Elizaveta modeling Ping's design

I keep hearing things like, “The bodice was fine,” when people are scrounging to find something defensible about this outfit. But this is how we get into the trap of keeping no-talents on the show: We compare a part of their outfit to another part of their outfit, instead of comparing their entire look to another designer’s look. Sure, when you take into account the completely disgusting bullshit happening south of Elizaveta’s waist, the bodice looks fine. But if you look at the bodice without considering the rest… it’s just awful. The brown ribbon that trims the shoulder area is uneven on the model’s right shoulder; the two ropes in the middle are slightly off-center; the neck line is a mess; it looks like it was just stepped on by a horse. And then we have the bottom, which suffers from uneven trim and that horrible stepped-on look.

Elizaveta's butt modeling Ping's design

Once again, you really need the video to get the full effect of how much booty this dress really showed. And it showed it in the least attractive way possible. Honestly, watching this hot mess was worth it for the look on Heidi’s face as it went down the runway.

In spite of Ping’s complete failure to construct any semblance of a dress, I do get where she was going with it. I think she was trying to make a Jackie O meets Cowgirl thing happen, which I respect. I appreciate a Vision, but not when it comes at this price. But in spite of it all, I think the attempt at something interesting warrants Ping staying in the competition, especially when I look at the losing design:

Sarah modeling Pamela's design

I’ve never actually seen a dress that gets worse and worse the more I look at it, but this accomplishes that amazing feat. Again, the judges tried to defend parts of it, admiring the dye work or some bullshit like that, but all of it is a nightmare – and worse yet, a nightmare with no Vision. The color changes throughout the dress, and not in a good way. The denim-and-leather look she’s trying for is about as trashy as it gets, and the saloon hooker styling isn’t helping.

Oh, sorry, I spoke too soon. THAT is as trashy as it gets. I can’t even talk how poor that construction is. All I have to say is this: If you are a shitty enough designer to make a 6 foot tall, 110 pound girl look that fat, it’s time for you to go the fuck home.

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