The Week in Fashion: Mormons, Has-Beens, and Twins

This is the first of a new weekly series: A recap of the week in fashion (aside from big red carpet events, which are deserving of their own blog posts, of course). I’ll revive some categories week after week, but I’ll also throw in some new ones to keep y’all on your toes.

It Could Be Great, But…

Amanda Seyfried in Valentino at HBO's Golden Globes after-party

I see where this look is going, and I like the path that it’s on, but there is simply way too much happening. Here’s how I’d take this from over-the-top to perfection:

  • Those shoes would be nasty even with a simple dress, but they certainly don’t go with this ensemble. For something as complex as this outfit, stick to a basic shoe in black or ivory.
  • Keep the black lace draping and the invisible left shoulder. They’re brilliantly done, as is the old Hollywood hair and makeup.
  • Nix one of the two fabrics below the lace part. Using both looks indecisive and overwhelming.
  • The visible lines beneath the lace are interesting, if slightly off-putting. I’d keep just the vertical lines, to make her look slimmer and make the dress more wearable.

Sad Girls in Sad Outfits

Jessica Simpson at the LA premiere of Extraordinary Measures on Jan. 19

Guys, Jessica Simpson is having a rough time. She can’t hold on to a man, she can’t dress, her father makes awkward comments about her boobs, she’s untalented, and people keep ragging on her for her weight. So think of this not as a criticism, but as one girl trying to help another. God knows she needs it.

Hair and makeup actually look fantastic. Since the Tony Romo break-up, she’s been sort of wandering around LA with her hair a wreck, her roots showing, and her face swollen and puffy, like she was barely able to get off the couch and put down the pint of Ben & Jerry’s to come to that event. This is a huge turnaround for her. I mean, she still has that sadness in her eyes, but from the neck up, she looks more beautiful than she has in years.

But who are her People? You know, stylists, gay best friends, assistants, and whoever else is responsible for getting her dressed and out the door. Why did they allow this? Not that I object to all-black ensembles, but wearing three different shades of black (four, if you count the visible bra) is just unacceptable. This is one of those times when I want to remind everyone that when the cameras flash, your clothes don’t look the same as they do in your closet or when you walk out the door. And if you are hired to be on Team Jessica, it’s your job to know that, and plan accordingly.

That’s a Costume, Not a Dress

Keri Russell in Alexander McQueen at the LA premiere of Extraordinary Measures

Dear Felicity: You’re irrelevant, your shoes are ugly, and you look like you’re wearing the top half of a poorly made nun’s habit. Oh, and you have a pedosmile.

Frocks of the First Lady

Michelle Obama at the Red Cross Disaster Operations Center on Jan. 18

We’re going to wander weekly through this woman’s wardrobe, not just because she’s beautiful and fabulous, but because it’s super-easy, since she’s always out doing something, wearing something, and being photographed. Let me say first that the new bob does wonders for her. It flatters her face and makes everything she wears look more stylish. And this outfit represents everything a First Lady should: Grace, elegance, simplicity, and class. Good color, good fit, interesting and understated. Nice work, Mrs. Obama.

Best of the Week

Ashley Olsen in Erdem at the WB/InStyle Golden Globes after-party

I still can’t believe how much I love this, since I hate almost everything the Olsen twins wear. I get that boho chic is a trend some people dig, but I don’t think you always need to look like a homeless person. And it looks like Ashley finally agreed with me, when she went out in this uncharacteristically adorable dress.

I think the matchy-matchy shoes are a bit too bridesmaid, but from the ankles up, this is a perfect look. Most of the time, when the Olsens shy away from their usual garbage bag looks, they wear something insane and couture that ages them ten or fifteen years. But this dress is very youthful without sacrificing design. The color pops, and the dress has a lot of unique elements that don’t compete with each other. The bubbly skirt, the cascade of flowers, the to-the-elbow sleeves – they come off fun and kitschy instead of weird. I like the casual hair, because the color looks so great against that blue dress that it honestly doesn’t matter if she brushes it or not. And she looks shockingly fresh-faced, happy, and normal. Keep them coming, Ashley. I’d love to have more good things to say about you in the future.

2 responses to The Week in Fashion: Mormons, Has-Beens, and Twins

  1. eric toilet paper king

    what up samiiiiiiiiiiiiii.
    your blog is now part of my daily reading! loves it : )

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