Project Runway: Season 7, Episode 2

Because, let’s be honest, you value my opinion more than Heidi’s.

Kasey modeling Jay Nicholas's design

I definitely loved this and thought it deserved to be a top contender. The fact that Jay Nicholas made that fabulous bottom out of burlap still astounds me. The intentional roughness of the edges combined with the flirty and sexy shape is that true girly-meets-punk look that so many designers aim for, but so few achieve. He used texture in such an innovative way.

But from the back, the rough quality is just a little too rough. From the back, you can see that the dress doesn’t really fit in the side-boob area, and one strap is longer than the other (just long enough so that you know it wasn’t intentional). I’m all for the unfinished look, unless you actually didn’t have time to finish. For that reason, my personal winner was…

Alison modeling Amy's design

You really have to watch the video of Alison stomping down the runway to get the full effect of why this dress deserved the win. She made a potato sack flow like silk, and it was beautiful to watch. From my TV, it looked as if Amy had burned the edges of the skirt instead of dyed them, and I thought that was so unique. Now that I see the photos, the effect is much more geometric than distressed, and I still love the look. It was creative and well-constructed, two things that sadly do not often go together on Project Runway.

Now, I know many people in the blogosphere were screaming over the fact that Ping’s ass-bearing mishap did not send her home. Let’s deconstruct this hot mess, one side at a time.

Elizaveta modeling Ping's design

I keep hearing things like, “The bodice was fine,” when people are scrounging to find something defensible about this outfit. But this is how we get into the trap of keeping no-talents on the show: We compare a part of their outfit to another part of their outfit, instead of comparing their entire look to another designer’s look. Sure, when you take into account the completely disgusting bullshit happening south of Elizaveta’s waist, the bodice looks fine. But if you look at the bodice without considering the rest… it’s just awful. The brown ribbon that trims the shoulder area is uneven on the model’s right shoulder; the two ropes in the middle are slightly off-center; the neck line is a mess; it looks like it was just stepped on by a horse. And then we have the bottom, which suffers from uneven trim and that horrible stepped-on look.

Elizaveta's butt modeling Ping's design

Once again, you really need the video to get the full effect of how much booty this dress really showed. And it showed it in the least attractive way possible. Honestly, watching this hot mess was worth it for the look on Heidi’s face as it went down the runway.

In spite of Ping’s complete failure to construct any semblance of a dress, I do get where she was going with it. I think she was trying to make a Jackie O meets Cowgirl thing happen, which I respect. I appreciate a Vision, but not when it comes at this price. But in spite of it all, I think the attempt at something interesting warrants Ping staying in the competition, especially when I look at the losing design:

Sarah modeling Pamela's design

I’ve never actually seen a dress that gets worse and worse the more I look at it, but this accomplishes that amazing feat. Again, the judges tried to defend parts of it, admiring the dye work or some bullshit like that, but all of it is a nightmare – and worse yet, a nightmare with no Vision. The color changes throughout the dress, and not in a good way. The denim-and-leather look she’s trying for is about as trashy as it gets, and the saloon hooker styling isn’t helping.

Oh, sorry, I spoke too soon. THAT is as trashy as it gets. I can’t even talk how poor that construction is. All I have to say is this: If you are a shitty enough designer to make a 6 foot tall, 110 pound girl look that fat, it’s time for you to go the fuck home.

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