FREIDA PINTO at a gala in Paris
This woman just shines like a diamond in metallics, doesn’t she? I love the color of this gown on her, and I love that phenomenal blazer. It brings out the gold in the dress without matching too closely, which I just adore.
LADY GAGA in London // dress by Osman, shoes by Christian Louboutin
I admit, the dress is a little tired. Gaga in a dress with a shoulder embellishment is as obvious as Sofia Vergara wearing a Latin bombshell Carolina Herrera gown or Taylor Swift wearing the most virginal dress she can find. But the color is fun, the shoes are killer, and the sunglasses are delish. Plus, you can do an obvious dress when all your accessories, including your claw-nails, are statement pieces in and of themselves.
Also, in TLo tradition, let’s notice the man my favorite bloggers call Ginger Handler, the queer redheaded bodyguard-type always at her side (the far left bodyguard, in this photo). I mean, that guy needs to release a memoir in thirty years about what it’s like to stand three feet back and to the right of the walking performance art that is Lady Gaga. Or at least complain about how many teacups he had to hold for her.
KRISTEN STEWART at the Los Angeles Twilight premiere // gown by J. Mendel, shoes by Jimmy Choo
This was my Spring 2012 red carpet prediction for Claire Danes, who would have worn it much better than Kristen is here. The makeup is atrocious, emphasizing only her awkward features and none of her beauty. Same for the hair, which is sloppy and lazy. This gown required a bracelet or earrings, so I’m disappointed by the lack of jewelry. The black nails and toenails only highlight how kind of dirty and unwashed she looks in spite of the phenomenal gown. If she’s so uncomfortable on red carpets, why is she posing like Blake Lively in a gown with a slit up to her hoo-ha? I don’t think the sash hits at the right part of her body, which throws off the proportions a bit. And, seriously? Black peep-toe platform pumps? Have you given up completely?
ASHLEY GREENE at the Los Angeles Twilight premiere // gown by Donna Karan
Considering the fact that this gown was custom-made for Ashley, it doesn’t fit her particularly well. The strips of red fabric are applied in a way that makes her whole silhouette look wider. It’s all kind of basic and boring, and the matching nail polish and lipstick is a bit much.
NIKKI REED at the Los Angeles Twilight premiere // gown by Marchesa, shoes by Jimmy Choo
I just hate everything about this. This dress has been worn a thousand times in a thousand ways, each of which were more beautiful and flattering than this. The green color is nausea-inducing and I hate the way the sash just sort of droops into the dress. I hate the sheer sleeve, and I don’t think any of the draping is particularly well done.
ASHLEY TISDALE at the Los Angeles Twilight premiere // dress by For Love & Lemons, shoes by Christian Louboutin
The dress is a cheap Dolce & Gabbana knockoff. And I’d like to remind starlets that just because the bottom of your shoes say Christian Louboutin does not mean they’re the perfect shoe for this occasion. Because this leopard-print ankle bootie looks about as stupid as can be.
EMMA STONE at a charity dinner in New York City // blouse and skirt by Calvin Klein, purse by Jimmy Choo
The skirt needs a good steaming, but it’s not a terrible look. It just seems more business luncheon than charity dinner to me.
AMY POEHLER at a charity dinner in New York City
Amy Poehler and her husband Will Arnett hosted this particular charity dinner, and she does look more put-together than usual. She’s still not wearing dresses that really fit her properly, but it’s a vast improvement. At least it’s sleek and inoffensive, if not particularly interesting.
EVAN RACHEL WOOD at the Governor’s Ball in Los Angeles // dress by Alessandra Rich, shoes by Jimmy Choo
I can see what this dress was attempting, and it would have looked great without that belt. The placement of that belt makes Evan look like she has one tit that hangs down to her waist, and that’s really never good. I think the cocktail ring, purse, and shoes are all a little heavy for such an intense dress. It feels like the pieces are fighting with each other a bit.
TILDA SWINTON at the Governor’s Ball in Los Angeles
I mean, she looks like a transgender alien, but she’s probably the fiercest thing on two very long legs. I’m loving this white suit on her. That length pant would look stupid on most women, but it works on Tilda, particularly with those shoes.
VICTORIA BECKHAM in New York City // dress by Victoria Beckham, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Oh, what else is new. You’ve been dressing like this since you were Posh Spice. Just because the dresses now have your name on the label doesn’t mean we haven’t seen them all before. Also: eat a sandwich.
EVA LONGORIA at the Hollywood Style Awards in Los Angeles // dress by Victoria Beckham
See: my previous comments to Mrs. Beckham. This is so fucking expected from Eva, I’m actually exhausted. Love the shoes, though.
MANDY MOORE at the Hollywood Style Awards in Los Angeles // dress by Temperley London
The dress is ordinary and childish, and the red shoes make it worse. The hair and makeup are lovely, though.
KRISTIN DAVIS at the Hollywood Style Awards in Los Angeles // gown by Azzaro
Awful dress, awful hair, cool purse.
CHLOE MORETZ at the Hollywood Style Awards in Los Angeles // dress by Miu Miu
If Peter Pan and Belle from Beauty and the Beast had a lovechild, this is totally what she would wear. Chloë is young enough that this actually works on her – the black stockings with the strappy sandals could be a total no-no on a grown woman, but they look goddamn adorable on her.
JAIME KING at the Hollywood Style Awards in Los Angeles // dress by Calvin Klein
I’ve seen this dress on the red carpet before, and I was bored by it then, too. Between the wrinkled dress, the sloppy bun, and the barely-there makeup, she looks like she came straight to this event from someone else’s bed. And those shoes are fucking hideous. They make her feet look like monsters.
ROSE MCGOWAN at the Hollywood Style Awards in Los Angeles // dress by Dolce & Gabbana
A black lace dress with red velvet shoes? Which sex industry do you work in, exactly?
AMY ADAMS at a book launch in Los Angeles
The makeup is terrifying, and I always prefer her with her hair down, but the dress is adorable. However, the silly putty shoes were a mistake. With such an otherwise simple look, you should jazz up the footwear a lot more.
HILARY DUFF at a book launch in Los Angeles
Yes, I am aware that Hilary Duff is six months pregnant. But… is SHE aware that she’s six months pregnant? Based on this particular choice of dress, I think maybe not. Although, even if she were without child, a skintight yellow sequined mini with chunky, tacky accessories would look awful. I won’t judge on the hair or makeup, because she’s sweating and she can’t dye her hair. But honey, please let me help you. Your child should not have to suffer through the shame of poking its head through yellow sequins.