The Week in Little Black Dresses

Yes, stars are decking the halls with LBDs this week.

CATHERINE, DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE in London // gown by Alexander McQueen

Photo: Allpix/Splash News

Simple, glamorous, and mermaid hair all the way. That’s the Duchess Catherine guarantee.

ROONEY MARA at the New York premiere of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo // dress by Prabal Gurung, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Henry Lamb/Photowire/BEImages

The Girl with the All-Black Wardrobe donned more little black garments than you can imagine on her press tour this week. This was by far my favorite – fabulous, sexy, and dramatic cut-outs; love the sheerness and the drama of her pale skin and red lips against all that black. It’s not earth-shattering, but it’s beautiful. Let’s look at the back:

Photo: Tom & Lorenzo

A fabulous little surprise, no? Very romantic and sexy, a little goth, but delicate. And those infamous red soles really pop in this photo, don’t they? Simply fantastic.

ROONEY MARA at the Stockholm premiere of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo // jumpsuit by Roksanda Ilincic, shoes by Brian Atwood

Photo: Sven Lindwall/XP/Scanpix/Sipa

Oy. It’s like she took all the cute elements out of the Prabal Gurung dress and left us with with this sad, strange cut-out jumpsuit. This is all kinds of ill-fitting and weirdly shaped.

ROONEY MARA on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon // dress by Rodarte for Opening Ceremony, shoes by Prada

Photo: Jason Kempin/NBC/Getty

That high neck looks a little absurdly old-fashioned, but the dress is cute and the shoes are perfect.

HELEN MIRREN at the British Comedy Awards in London // dress by Dolce & Gabbana

Photo: Stuart Wilson/Getty

Lose the gloves and the necklace, and it’s pure perfection. She’s just got a few too many accessories for a star-spangled half-lace dress.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON at the New York City premiere of We Bought a Zoo // top and skirt by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Anthony Behar/Sipa

If you’re going to wear a crop top, wear it. Don’t make us try and figure out what that paper-thin slice of porcelain is. If you’re too shy to show skin, don’t show any at all – this is kind of half-assed, don’t you think? Also, hair. It’s a problem.

MIA WASIKOWSKA in New York City // dress and shoes by Elie Saab

Photo: Celebutopia

One of these days, she’s going to beat out Taylor Swift for the title of Most Boring Celebrity Dresser. Give me something to talk about besides how stupid your hair looks!

OLIVIA WILDE at the New York City premiere of The Iron Lady // dress by Dolce & Gabbana

Photo: Nancy Kaszerman/Zuma

The high shoulders and cropped sleeves make her look very uncomfortable. The collar is strange, and her bangs are making me upset. Also, aren’t we done wearing LBDs with leopard-print shoes on the red carpet? Leave that to those of us who don’t get the latest runway collections sent to them for free.

ANNE HATHAWAY at the New York City premiere of The Iron Lady

Photo: Amanda Schwab/Startraks

I remember a time when I was excited for what Anne Hathaway would wear. Where has that time gone, dear readers?

JESSICA BIEL in New York City // gown and purse by Valentino

Photo: Ryan Mccune/PatrickMcMullan.com/Sipa

I’m really no fan of hers, but I think she looks pretty damn great here. She’s got severe features and she’s finally found ways to soften them up a bit. I don’t love the neck and shoulders on that gown, but I think it works nicely on her.

KATE BECKINSALE in Los Angeles // dress by Michael Kors, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Wireimage

Don’t put a giant tacky belt over a magician’s cape and tell me it’s a cocktail dress, honey. I’m too smart to fall for that shit.

FERGIE in Los Angeles // dress by J’Aton, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Fergie Footwear

Photo: Vince Flores/AFF-USA

Fergie, if you double-book a red carpet event and a bondage convention again, you have to remember to change out of your S&M gear in the limo.

KHLOE KARDASHIAN in New York City // shoes by United Nude

Photo: Tom & Lorenzo

Oh, sweet lord, when will they stop? When will Khloe realize that a) heart stockings do not belong on a girl older than 18 and b) even if they did, she is so not the woman to be wearing them with a leather babydoll dress. But unfortunately, the fugliness doesn’t stop there:

Photo: Tom & Lorenzo

In Khloe’s defense, those shoes seem perfect for her, as they’re hideous and desperate for attention.

DIANE KRUGER in Beverly Hills // gown by Emilio Pucci, shoes by Brian Atwood

Photo: Jason LaVeris/Filmmagic

I’m never a proponent of two-skirted dresses – pick one! – and I don’t think the red platform pumps were a good idea at all. But I think the halter neckline is beautiful on her and the styling looks beautiful (aside from the shoes).

NICOLE RICHIE in Beverly Hills // gown by Osman, purse by House of Harlow

Photo: John Sciulli/Getty

It’s far too long, but she’s the rare woman who can work those cut-outs, the teensy little thing. I dig the earrings and the purse, but the pool of fabric surrounding her feet is distracting me.

MICHELLE PFEIFFER at the New York premiere of New Year’s Eve // dress, belt and purse by Alexander McQueen

Photo: Rex

Fun shoes, but I’d have welcomed a touch of color somewhere.

OLIVIA PALERMO in New York City // dress by Marchesa, purse and shoes by Valentino

Photo: Rex

It’s a dress that we’ve seen before, but she’s accessorized it particularly well. Those shoes are really fantastic, and the purse is beautiful.

NINA DOBREV in Los Angeles // dress by Monique Lhuillier, purse by Rene Caovilla, shoes by Brian Atwood

Photo: Paul Archuleta/FilmMagic

Oh, it’s totally obnoxious, but isn’t that kind of the point? If they didn’t clash so horribly with the red carpet, I’d think the heels were actually a fun risk to take.

ABIGAIL BRESLIN in New York City

Photo: Michael Loccisano/Getty

She looks like a gothic prairie bride in a really cheap wig.


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2 responses to The Week in Little Black Dresses

  1. Molly

    Kate actually looks pretty fucking fantastic. I would have added more volume to the skirt and an updo, but other than that, its great all around. I love that necklace. Hopefully this will also shut up those pregnancy rumors.
    Rooney Mara looks great, but she does relalize that she isnt Elisabeth, right?
    Someone needs to get Nina Dobrev off of the red carpet and into a stylists office along with that phony little smile of hers. Gag.

  2. That first picture of Khloe makes it look like she has devil horns, the way she’s standing right in front of the logo. And the shoes are fug. Why make shoes like that? And Abigail Breslin’s outfit just irritates me. Michelle Pfieffer looks freaking awesome. And if it wasn’t for the whole random midriff crop bit, I’d steal Scarlett’s look right off her back.

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