FLORENCE WELCH // dress by Antonio Berardi
Oh, Florence, I love the ginger hair and eggplant nails, but I need you to go ahead and wear a color now, please. This forehead-to-toes all being the same color thing is kind of upsetting.
FLORENCE WELCH // gown by Naeem Khan
This was my Fall 2011 red carpet prediction for Helen Mirren, and though I like it on Florence, I wish it weren’t quite so loose in the bust. Florence is decades younger than Helen – her tits should look it too, don’t you think? But it’s a small quibble in an otherwise fabulous look. I really hope she’s barefoot, because it kind of looks like she is, and only Florence can pull off bare feet with this gown.
FLORENCE WELCH // dress by Emilio Pucci
Flo tends to stick to the uber-flowy gowns, so when I saw her in this sharp little Pucci dress, I was stunned. She looks absolutely incredible, the proportions and length are perfect, her shoes are fabulous, and I just worship this woman to death.
JENNIFER HUDSON // dress and boots by Francesco Scognamiglio
The collar? The dozens of bracelets? And I’m sorry, but what Bronx prostitute lent her those boots? If this is how “Divas” dress, I’ll gladly relinquish the title. (Just kidding. I’ll make VH1 give it up.)
JENNIFER HUDSON // dress by The Blonds
Think of fashion like a magic show – if the audience can see the “invisible” strings, it’s just not going to work.
JENNIFER HUDSON // gown by The Blonds
Fucking fabulous. Divalicious to the extreme, and I have a nail polish that looks exactly like this that I’m planning on rocking for New Years’.
JENNIFER HUDSON // dress by Dolce & Gabbana
Not loving the bottom of this dress, which looks like some seriously cheap tinsel from the world’s gayest Christmas tree. But the color is fab and the shoes are lovely.
MARY J. BLIGE // gown by Michael Kors
Work it, diva! That is a “fuck you, I’ll glitter if I want to” gown.
MARY J. BLIGE
She was basically made for this dress. It could be a shade looser, but it’s stage wear, so she’s allowed to go unreasonably tight.
MARY J. BLIGE
Ugh. Really? We’re pairing red suede platform pumps with glittering fuchsia cocktail dresses? I can’t support that, MJB.
MARY J. BLIGE // jacket by Alexander McQueen
That jacket is fan-fucking-TASTIC! One of the few items worn to this event that’s truly deserving of a Diva.
ESTELLE // gown by Diane von Furstenberg
Super-glam, but it’s a wee bit long and she could use a bit more support for the twins.
QUEEN LATIFAH // gown by Edition by Georges Chakra
I hate everything this woman wears. This chain link fence neckline is atrocious.
JESSIE J // gown by Falguni & Shane Peacock
A sheer mermaid gown with an Egyptian artifact used as a merkin, plus 1920s butler shoulder embellishments and wings covering her boobs? What the fuck am I even supposed to do with this?
JESSIE J // dress by Mark Fast
I hope she fucking flies away on those hideous fringe wings of hers. Oh, wait –
She already did. (But I’ll admit, I love those thigh-high stockings. I need me a pair.)
If this is a tribute to soul, can someone explain why everyone is dressed in the rejects of Fergie, Nicki Minaj, and Rihanna’s wardrobes?
If this is what soul means, dear readers, I’m very glad I don’t have one.