2012 MTV VMAs Red Carpet

What, you think that just because no one bothered to watch the VMAs, the Democracy Diva won’t rant and rage against these tween starlets for their terrible wardrobes?

TAYLOR SWIFT
suit by J. Mendel, shoes by
Tom Ford

Photo: Debbie VanStory/iPhotoLive.com

Welcome to adulthood, Ms. Swift! I hope you enjoy your stay, because I am looooooving this post-Disney Princess phase of your personal style. Let’s say goodbye forever to your glittery ball gowns for preteen ballerinas and delve into the fabulous future ahead of you, okay? I’ll stop gushing, because this is a lovely suit but not an amazing one, and those shoes sort of look like you have starfish stuck to your feet. But the overall feel of this look is “Step the FUCK out of my path to a thousand more little gold trophies, bitches, because I will have a tequila shot for every award I win, and we’ll start going retroactively if things get a little dull.”

EMMA WATSON
dress by Peter Pilotto, shoes by
Tom Ford

Photo: Francis Specker/Landov

And I’ve seen Emma Watson overly made-up and overdressed in so many damn fashion spreads over the last year or so that I almost forgot how young, fresh-faced, and lovely she truly is. More importantly, she clearly gets what the VMAs are about – looking good without seeming like you give a single fuck. It’s a wacky dress that I wouldn’t recommend for most, but there are few kicky, fun, colorful dresses Emma Watson can’t pull off. And the Tom Ford shoes are fab.

KATY PERRY
gown by
Elie Saab

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

I hardly recognize Katy when I’m not screaming myself blue in the face over why the hell she’s still blue in the hair. Though I don’t think this Cher wig does her any favors, I’m just thrilled she’s taking a break from the Kool-Aid hair. But she’s still wearing a leotard under a sheer tapestry that belongs in the window of a head shop, so, I suppose she’s still Katy after all.

ZOE SALDANA
dress and shoes by
Salvatore Ferragamo

Photo: Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic

On a scale of Zoe Saldana’s looks, this is about as terrible as it gets. The dress is boring, trendwhorish, and cheap-looking; the hair is a disaster; the shoes are stripper-tastic and don’t go with the look at all. That being said, she looked better than 90% of the VMAs attendees. Go fucking figure.

RASHIDA JONES
dress by
Narcisco Rodriguez

Photo: Jean-Paul Aussenard/Bauer-Griffin

There are way, way more interesting ways to wear this dress than with black ankle booties and no other discernible accessories, Rashida. How long will I have to beg before you accept my wisdom as the word of God and hire a fucking stylist?

DEMI LOVATO

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

To everyone who has had anything to do with Demi Lovato’s hair, makeup, clothing, or accessories for approximately the last year and a half: I hereby fire you from ever working with other human beings, ever again. Because you clearly only want to bring pain, suffering, and 1980s hair band fashion into the world, and I will not stand for that.

PINK
gown by Stella McCartney, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Photo: Jeff Kravitz/FilmMagic

I swear, Pink has worn an incarnation of this dress to every other awards ceremony since her hair was actually still pink. I don’t know what’s worse – seeing the outline of each one of her abs through her snakeskin dress at every awards show, or knowing that her career has somehow lasted long enough for me to be this exhausted of her.

RIHANNA
gown by Adam Selman, shoes by Manolo Blahnik

Photo: Kevin Mazur/WireImage

I saw bloggers – respectable fashion bloggers – compare Rihanna to Audrey Fucking Hepburn because of this look. And I swear, as I felt the bile rising up in my throat, I could also feel Audrey rolling in the grave, shouting, “Bitches, I will NEVER hear you compare me to that no-talent hack who seems to be allergic to undergarments again!” I’m sorry, but I need more than a short haircut and a white dress before I start making comparisons between Rihanna’s wardrobe, where style goes to die, and the fashion icon that is Ms. Hepburn.

ALICIA KEYS
gown by Alexandre Vaulthier, shoes by Gucci

Photo: Frederick M. Brown/Getty

When your dress resembles a Project Runway “Make it in three hours! Out of garbage bags! In teams of schizophrenic sociopaths!” challenge, it’s probably time to change.

NICKI MINAJ

Photo: Frederick M. Brown/Getty

This outfit obviously is not even worthy of my commentary; I just wanted you all to bear witness to this tragedy.

MILEY CYRUS
gown by Emilio Pucci, purse by
Edie Parker

Photo: Reuters/Mario Anzumi/Landov

I tried. I swear to each and every one of you, I tried to like the hair. And at first, I think I convinced myself I did. I thought, “Everyone needs to get a ridiculously dramatic haircut after the Disney shows/movies part of their career is over – it’s part of the life cycle of a child star!” “Anything is better than those hideous extensions she’s been sporting since her Hannah Montana days!” I had every justification in the book. But now that I see the thing in its glory, shaved on the sides with platinum spikes reaching up to heaven, I just KNOW, deep down in my soul . . . that this is what Drag Queen Draco Malfoy looks like.


© Democracy Diva, 2012.
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6 responses to 2012 MTV VMAs Red Carpet

  1. stacyblaise

    I can’t really say I love any of these dresses but the Elle Saab…I hate Taylor Swift but she does look lovely.

    Miss Stacy Blaise

    • democracydiva – Author

      It took twice as long as usual to do the ranking/order for this post, because ugh, it was almost all disappointments. And I have never been a T Swift fan, but I do encourage her to grow up and become a style icon instead of a Barbie doll, just because it’s much more fun for me to write about! Thanks for commenting, Miss Stacy! ❤

      • stacyblaise

        Bless her heart..maybe her music will grow up like her clothing.

        Miss Stacy Blaise

  2. molly

    I was shocked to see Taylor Swift in pants. Its a great look, but I feel like it was a bit too serious for something like the VMA’s.
    I about died when I heard people comparing Rihanna to Audrey as well. Just because you have a similar haircut to someone, it does not mean that you deserve to be compared to them in such a good way. If that were the case, than you can call me Grace Kelly.

    • democracydiva – Author

      You make a fair point about Taylor’s suit being a bit serious for the VMAs, but at least it’s not ball gown serious. (Plus, I had to like SOMEthing in this sea of disasters.) Thanks for commenting!

  3. Hannah

    Unfortunately I saw Tay Swift at another appearance after this and she was wearing a freaking white baby doll dress again. For some freakin reason I did watch this award show and it turned out to be a total snooze-fest, a blithering Kevin Hart didn’t help either. I hate Miley’s hair too and as for the fashion I am beyond disappointed. Emma was the best maybe.

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