March Fabness 2013, Round 1: Gucci Bracket


The polls have closed on this post, but check back daily for new brackets!

KRISTEN STEWART vs. JANUARY JONES
Kristen's top and pants by Balenciaga, shoes by Christian Louboutin; January's gown by Prabal Gurung

Kristen’s top and pants by Balenciaga, shoes by Christian Louboutin; January’s gown by Prabal Gurung

Kristen: I mean, not that I care, because let’s be honest, caring is like, really not my style, but are you intentionally trying to match your outfit to mine, scary mullet lady?

January: Mullets aside, at least my gown is beautiful, whereas you are showing that scary belly-buttonless part of your tummy that makes you look like an alien.

Kristen's jacket and pants by Roberto Cavalli, shoes by Christian Louboutin; January's dress by Mary Katrantzou, shoes by Sergio Rossi

Kristen’s jacket and pants by Roberto Cavalli, shoes by Christian Louboutin; January’s dress by Mary Katrantzou, shoes by Sergio Rossi

Kristen: Whatever, my vampire belly is awesome and I’ll do what I want. See how I can stick my head out the window on the limo ride over to the event and still look red carpet-ready?

January: I don’t think that’s working for you as well as you think it is. But I’ll admit, your tuxedo jacket is pretty fierce.

Kristen's dress by Narciso Rodriguez, shoes by Christian Louboutin; January's dress by Wes Gordon, shoes by Rupert Sanderson

Kristen’s dress by Narciso Rodriguez, shoes by Christian Louboutin; January’s dress by Wes Gordon, shoes by Rupert Sanderson

Kristen: Thanks, but I still don’t give a fuck. You can tell because this is the third picture in a row where I’m wearing the same pair of black pointy Louboutins.

January: Your hair looks surprisingly silky and smooth for someone who doesn’t give a fuck, Kristen. Whereas my dress is covered with swans, so you KNOW I don’t give a fuck.

Kristen's romper by Louis Vuitton, shoes by Brian Atwood; January's gown by Zac Posen

Kristen’s romper by Louis Vuitton, shoes by Brian Atwood; January’s gown by Zac Posen

Kristen: Fine. Now I will give ALL THE FUCKS, and destroy you with the power of my ultra-mod, super-chic checkerboard romper.

January: Hm? Sorry, I was too busy floating down the red carpet in a sea of stunning black sheerness to notice you.

Kristen's gown by Zuhair Murad, shoes by Jimmy Choo; January's gown by Versace

Kristen’s gown by Zuhair Murad, shoes by Jimmy Choo; January’s gown by Versace

Kristen: You wanna go? My hair is done, I’m in a gown, and I’m fucking SMILING. That’s a first for me.

January: Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me at all.

ZOE SALDANA vs. ALEXA CHUNG
Zoe's top and shorts by Prabal Gurung, shoes by Nicholas Kirkwood; Alexa's top and shorts by Valentino, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Zoe’s top and shorts by Prabal Gurung, shoes by Nicholas Kirkwood; Alexa’s top and shorts by Valentino, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Zoe: I know we’re both considered fashionistas, but I have to say, I think my white top/shorts/black shoes combo is a little more fashion-forward than yours.

Alexa: Hasn’t anyone ever told you that less is more, except when it comes to posing with your hands in your pockets to show off that your outfit is cool enough to have pockets?

Zoe's dress by Preen; Alexa's skirt and purse by Chanel

Zoe’s dress by Preen; Alexa’s skirt and purse by Chanel

Zoe: Calm down, hipster. Let’s just settle this the old-fashioned way: a brutal battle to the death as we don stylish blue and gray outfits. Well, at least MINE is stylish.

Alexa: That was way harsh, Zoe. Just because my shoes are furry doesn’t mean you have to be so jealous.

Zoe's gown by Gucci, shoes by Brian Atwood; Alexa's dress by Valentino Red

Zoe’s gown by Gucci, shoes by Brian Atwood; Alexa’s dress by Valentino Red

Zoe: Yeah, actually, I tend not to be jealous of furry shoes, since they’re, you know, FURRY SHOES.

Alexa: If you’re too lame for furry shoes, that’s on you. But I also have sparkly Mary Janes, just in case.

Zoe's gown and shoes by Prabal Gurung; Alexa's dress and shoes by Valentino, purse by Anya Hindmarch

Zoe’s gown and shoes by Prabal Gurung; Alexa’s dress and shoes by Valentino, purse by Anya Hindmarch

Zoe: Sparkly Mary Janes? You really are a hipster.

Alexa: You say that like it’s a bad thing, when really it just means I can pull off girly Valentino dresses and mental patient haircuts!

Zoe's gown by Alexis Mabille, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo, shoes by Roger Vivier; Alexa's dress by Chanel, shoes by Tabitha Simmons

Zoe’s gown by Alexis Mabille, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo, shoes by Roger Vivier; Alexa’s dress by Chanel, shoes by Tabitha Simmons

Zoe: Fine. Bring out your big guns and let’s settle this once and for all.

Alexa: You’re on, bitch.

EMILY BLUNT vs. JESSICA PARÉ
Emily's dress by Emilio Pucci, shoes by Stuart Weitzman; Jessica's dress by Jason Wu

Emily’s dress by Emilio Pucci, shoes by Stuart Weitzman; Jessica’s dress by Jason Wu

Emily: Oh, hello, Jessica! I’m just thrilled to be competing with you in this battle, because I’m sure I will kick your ass. Oh, and who are you again?

Jessica: I know it’s hard to recognize me outside my 1960s Mad Men gear, but I’m Megan Draper! And, um, who are you?

Emily's gown by Alexander McQueen; Jessica's dress by Jason Wu

Emily’s gown by Alexander McQueen; Jessica’s dress by Jason Wu

Emily: I’m the British chick from The Devil Wears Prada! Oh, and I date John Krasinski. It’s rather nice.

Jessica: Oh, that actually does sound nice. Now back to this whole you thinking you can kick my ass in this battle – have you seen my plethora of Jason Wu dresses?

Emily's gown by Michael Kors; Jessica's gown by L'Wren Scott

Emily’s gown by Michael Kors; Jessica’s gown by L’Wren Scott

Emily: Yes, but I don’t think it comes close to my stunning gilded Michael Kors gown.

Jessica: I’ll see your gold gown and raise you . . . an EVEN GOLDER GOWN.

Emily's gown by Calvin Klein, Jessica's gown by Jason Wu, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Emily’s gown by Calvin Klein, Jessica’s gown by Jason Wu, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Emily: Darling, if you want to battle in eveningwear, you best prepare yourself for a real challenge.

Jessica: I can more than keep up with your colorful wardrobe, honey. Don’t you worry about me.

Emily's gown and purse by Alexander McQueen; Jessica's gown by Jason Wu

Emily’s gown and purse by Alexander McQueen; Jessica’s gown by Jason Wu

Emily: Well, my orange McQueen gown can defeat whatever you’ve got, so bring it on.

Jessica: A red carpet look is never complete without a ridiculously fabulous pair of earrings, Emily. How did Meryl never teach you that in a moment of method-acting?

MARION COTILLARD vs. KIERNAN SHIPKA
Marion's jacket, blouse, and pants by Prabal Gurung; Kiernan's dress by Moschino, purse by Olympia Le-Tan, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Marion’s jacket, blouse, and pants by Prabal Gurung; Kiernan’s dress by Moschino, purse by Olympia Le-Tan, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Marion: Well, if it isn’t the littlest lady Draper! We sure have burned through the Mad Men women in this post, haven’t we?

Kiernan: Absolutely, but let’s be honest – I am by far the most fabulous woman on that show.

Marion's dress, purse, and shoes by Christian Dior; Kiernan's dress by Oscar de la Renta, purse by Proenza Schouler, shoes by Miu Miu

Marion’s dress, purse, and shoes by Christian Dior; Kiernan’s dress by Oscar de la Renta, purse by Proenza Schouler, shoes by Miu Miu

Marion: I don’t disagree even for a minute, you adorable little thing. I don’t even deign to watch American television and I still think you’re quite the little talent.

Kiernan: Well, of course you do. I’m fucking awesome. And you’re . . . what, that French lady from Inception?

Marion's gown by Christian Dior, shoes by JImmy Choo; Kiernan's dress by Oscar de la Renta, shoes by Rupert Sanderson

Marion’s gown by Christian Dior, shoes by Jimmy Choo; Kiernan’s dress by Oscar de la Renta, shoes by Rupert Sanderson

Marion: Well, yes. But I also wear Dior like it’s my job. Because when you’re this good at wearing Dior, that’s basically enough of a talent to be considered a career.

Kiernan: That’s cute that you think that’s impressive. Meanwhile, I’m thirteen years old and wearing Oscar de la Renta, so I think I’m holding my own over here.

Marion's gown by Christian Dior; Kiernan's jacket and pants by Ralph Lauren

Marion’s gown by Christian Dior; Kiernan’s jacket and pants by Ralph Lauren

Marion: Listen, little girl, you might be the most precocious child star since the Fannings, but I will still out-dress you in this battle and then cackle after your depressing defeat.

Kiernan: Calm down, lady! I’m like, a THIRD of your age, how can you talk to me like that?

Marion's gown by Christian Dior; Kiernan's dress and shoes by Oscar de la Renta

Marion’s gown by Christian Dior; Kiernan’s dress and shoes by Oscar de la Renta

Marion: A THIRD of my age? I fucking hate you little American tweens and your tiny little designer dresses making me look a hundred thousand years old by comparison.

Kiernan: Don’t worry, Marion, you still look good! You know, for your age.


© Democracy Diva, 2013.
. facebook . twitter . pinterest .

Advertisements

One response to March Fabness 2013, Round 1: Gucci Bracket

  1. molly

    I just realized that I actually like most of Kristen clothes, I just cant stand them on her. She still looks better than January.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s