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DIANE KRUGER vs. LESLIE MANN
Diane’s dress by Versus, shoes by Jimmy Choo; Leslie’s dress by Valentino
Diane: Allo, March Fabness 2013! My name is Diane Kruger, I act in three languages, I am beautiful to a terrifying degree, and my boyfriend is Pacey Witter. BEAT THAT!
Leslie: I get to play with my kids in all of my movies because I’m hilarious and gorgeous and Judd Apatow’s my husband. I want for nothing, darling. But I do like your shoes.
Diane’s dress by Chanel, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Leslie’s gown by Nina Ricci
Diane: Danke, darling! Pardon me if I look slightly exhausted; my earrings are weighing down my entire body.
Leslie: Not at all, Diane. But don’t worry, I’ll smize hard enough for the both of us just in case.
Diane’s gown by Jason Wu; Leslie’s gown by Naeem Khan
Diane: Let’s say we don our formalwear, cinch in our already itsy-bitsy waists, and –
Leslie: I’ll do whatever you say, just please smile. Your cheekbones are amazing but you’re starting to scare me a little.
Diane’s gown by Vivienne Westwood, purse and shoes by Jimmy Choo; Leslie’s gown by Andrew Gn, purse by Bottega Veneta, shoes by Roger Vivier
Diane: My apologies, Leslie, but there is no stopping these cheekbones. On another note, have you ever worn a gown made of liquid gold? Because, let me just say, it’s divine.
Leslie: Yes, yes, that looks both amazing and impossible to move in, while I am full-sleeved and fancy-free.
Diane’s gown by Christian Dior; Leslie’s gown by Vionnet
Diane: Fine. Bring out your baddest black and white, bitch – this battle is ON.
Leslie: Happily, Ms. Kruger.
GINNIFER GOODWIN vs. MIRANDA KERR
Ginnifer’s dress by Monique Lhuillier, purse by Edie Parker, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Miranda’s dress by Victoria Beckham, sunglasses by Miu Miu, purse by Prada, shoes by Lanvin
Ginnifer: Hi, guys! I’m Ginnifer. Yes, spelled like that. And yes, I am the youngest sister-wife from Big Love. I just have this super-interesting pixie cut now!
Miranda: I don’t know what any of that means, Jennifer, so I will continue strutting down the street looking like life is perfect because when you have this baby blue Prada purse, it basically is.
Ginnifer’s dress by Jenny Packham, purse by Marc Jacobs, shoes by Jimmy Choo; Miranda’s jacket, top, and shorts by Helmut Lang, purse by Gucci, shoes by Tabitha Simmons
Ginnifer: Um, it’s GINNIFER, not Jennifer. Now I will have to battle you in competing blue-and-black outfits and black accessories.
Miranda: I’m going home to Orlando Bloom after this. Do you really think I care about this bullshit, Jennifer?
Ginnifer’s dress by Gucci; Miranda’s top by Phillip Lim, skirt by Balenciaga, sunglasses by Linda Farrow, purse by Givenchy, shoes by Lanvin
Ginnifer: You say you don’t care, and yet you’re dueling me in sheer-sleeved black tops and fabulous skirts!
Miranda: Well, I just know I can beat you, that’s all. Miranda May Kerr’s my name, and street style is my game.
Ginnifer’s dress by Oscar de la Renta, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Jimmy Choo; Miranda’s dress by A.L.C., purse by Alexander Wang, shoes by Balenciaga
Ginnifer: That was the lamest thing I’ve ever heard. But your real name is Miranda May Kerr? That is actually adorable.
Miranda: Thanks, dearie! What’s your real name, Ginnifer?
Ginnifer’s gown by Monique Lhuillier, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Miranda’s top and skirt by Erdem, sunglasses by Miu Miu, purse by Prada
Ginnifer: Um, well, actually, my real name is Jennifer. Jennifer Michelle Goodwin.
Miranda: AND YOU CHANGED IT TO GINNIFER?! Ugh, you are the absolute WORST.
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY vs. JESSICA ALBA
Keira’s dress by Richard Nicoli; Jessica’s blazer by Stylestalker, pants by Current/Elliott, purse by Tod’s
Keira: Hi, March Fabbers! Now that awards season is behind us, and I can pretend my critically ignored Anna Karenina movie never happened, let’s focus on fashion!
Jessica: I think we can all agree that that’s a very good idea, particularly because my blazer will kick your ass.
Keira’s gown by Valentino; Jessica’s dress by Louis Vuitton, shoes by Casadei
Keira: Yes, you might look good in pants, like some sort of pedestrian. I myself prefer gowns.
Jessica: Fine, but I’ll take fun prints over fancy gowns any day of the week.
Keira’s gown by Elie Saab, shoes by Gucci; Jessica’s dress by Narciso Rodriguez
Keira: You’re such an American. No appreciation for formalities. Or lacy ball gowns.
Jessica: Ball gowns are fun, but my accessories are to die for an my tits are unstoppable, so I’m actually fine just the way I am.
Keira’s gown by Erdem; Jessica’s gown by Valentino, purse by Roger Vivier
Keira: What’s this, then? A FLORAL ball gown? Someone has learned a thing or two about garden-party couture from yours truly!
Jessica: Please. I can out-flower-gown you in my sleep.
Keira’s gown by Chanel; Jessica’s gown by Oscar de la Renta, purse by Roger Vivier
Keira: You want a battle? You’ve got one, bitch. Battle with CHANEL.
Jessica: With Oscar on my side, diamonds on my neck, and Elmo as a purse, I’m unstoppable.
NINA DOBREV vs. LADY GAGA
Nina’s dress by Zuhair Murad, purse and shoes by Jimmy Choo; Gaga’s dress by David Koma
Nina: Hi, Gaga! It’s a pleasure to meet you, particularly since I see we have opted for the same red carpet pose.
Gaga: That’s right, Nina, except I can do it while de-boarding a plane. You’ll understand when you become famous.
Nina’s gown by Donna Karan; Gaga’s dress by Moschino, purse by Louis Vuitton, shoes by Brian Atwood
Nina: Um, actually, I am famous. I’m on The Vampire Diaries, and I used to be on Degrassi!
Gaga: Wait, really? Do you know Drake?
Nina’s gown by Elie Saab, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Jimmy Choo; Gaga’s dress by Antonio Berardi, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Nina: Well, yeah. That show was our big breaks!
Gaga: Oh, that’s cute, honey. Don’t worry, your big break will come.
Nina’s gown by Elie Saab, purse by Salvatore Ferragamo, shoes by Jimmy Choo; Gaga’s gown by Atelier Versace, shoes by Brian Atwood
Nina: Bitch, I am a celebrity! I wear Elie Saab gowns in a rainbow of colors! I own sparkly sandals by Christian Louboutin, Brian Atwood, AND Jimmy Choo!
Gaga: Oh, calm down, darling. I’m just teasing. I’ve seen The Vampire Diaries.
Nina’s gown by Naeem Khan, purse by Swarkovski; Gaga’s gown and purse by Versace
Nina: Have you really, Gaga? Oh my God, that’s so exciting! I can’t believe you’ve seen my show!
Gaga: Oh, wait, sorry. I totally thought you meant Twilight. What’s your name again?
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© Democracy Diva, 2013.
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Respond to March Fabness 2013, Round 1: Chanel Bracket