Another day, another gala. Such is the exhausting life of the celebrity. Since they’re such lucky bastards, let’s judge the attendees of the annual LACMA Art + Film Gala extra-harshly, shall we? 

ZOE SALDANA
gown by Gucci

Photo: Jordan Strauss/Invision/AP

DAAAAAYUUUUUUM. That is a dress worthy of a two-syllable “damn,” people. You really have to be Zoe Saldana to pull off those sheer side panels – even Gwyneth Paltrow couldn’t make them work – but this is a total home run. There were a dozen Gucci dresses at this Gucci-sponsored gala, but there was no stopping Zoe from standing out amongst the crowd.

NICOLE RICHIE
gown by Dolce & Gabbana, purse by House of Harlow

Photo: Steve Granitz/WireImage

One of the few to eschew Gucci for the night, Ms. Richie continued her fabulous style streak in this hauntingly beautiful Dolce & Gabbana gown. The cuffs are a touch too over-the-top for me, but for a modern art museum’s gala, I think it’s appropriate to go a little bit nuts. And at an event where sheer dresses seemed almost mandatory, Nicole worked the trend almost as well as Zoe.

AMY ADAMS
dress and shoes by Gucci

Photo: FameFlynet

That copper color is outstanding on her. I wouldn’t have chosen black for the accessories, especially not with that dark berry shade of lipstick, but Amy Adams was born to wear this dress.

SALMA HAYEK
gown by Gucci

Photo: Matt Baron/BEImages

Definitely my favorite Salma Hayek look in recent history. The silver satin purse is a little too bridal, particularly with a white gown, but I love the belt and the neckline. They’re crazy flattering on Salma’s fabulous body, and beautiful in their own right.

MARY J. BLIGE
jumpsuit, purse, and shoes by Gucci

Photo: Picture Perfect/Rex

I’d have left the purse at home, but this purple color is phenomenal on Mary J, who appears to have stopped aging entirely. Seriously, girlfriend looks incredible. The jumpsuit is flawless, and definitely made her stand out against the sea of dresses. And the strappy peep-toed shoes are delicious.

EVAN RACHEL WOOD
gown and purse by Gucci

Photo: Frazer Harrison/Getty

It’s been ages since we’ve seen Evan Rachel Wood on the red carpet, but she brought her signature minimalist magnificence with her. I’d have loved a statement piece of jewelry, a more interesting purse, or some hair and makeup with a little personality, just something to take this look to the next level. But the gown is pretty damn heavenly on her.

OLIVIA WILDE and JASON SUDEIKIS
Olivia’s gown and Jason’s tuxedo by Gucci

Photo: Jason Merritt/Getty

An almost unfairly beautiful couple. Their baby is going to take over the planet with cuteness.

KATE HUDSON
gown by Gucci

Photo: Sara De Boer/Startraks

I’m not denying her body is incredible, but there’s something exhaustingly dated about this dress. It’s got a J.Lo-in-the-early-2000s vibe to it that is just not sitting well with me.

CAMILLA BELLE
gown by Gucci

Photo: Cliffe Fraser/Splash News

Your beautiful face and this stunning gown do not deserve that atrocious hairdo, Camilla.

DREW BARRYMORE
dress by Vivienne Westwood, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Steve Granitz/WireImage

I think the dress is fabulous in a hippie fertility goddess sort of way, which is kind of perfect for Drew. I just wish she hadn’t over-accessorized it quite so much. The necklace is overkill, the purse isn’t a great color, and the shoes, while gorgeous, are a little too distracting for an already busy look.

KATE BECKINSALE
gown by Gucci, purse by Jimmy Choo

Photo: Jen Lowery/Splash News

Kate Beckinsale is like the Taylor Swift of 40-year-old actresses. She has two hair styles, one pose, and she wears the same three shiny princess dresses over and over again. It’s exhausting.

FERGIE
gown by Versace, purse by Alexander McQueen

Photo: All Access/Splash News

The only interesting parts are the accessories, and I don’t think they’re interesting in a good way.

ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY
gown by Gucci

Photo: Steve Granitz/WireImage

Nope. Sorry, Rosie. These are curtains, not a dress.

DAKOTA JOHNSON
gown by Gucci

Photo: Rex

Poor Dakota Johnson needs a life coach. Between choosing to be in that godforsaken Fifty Shades movie and trying to pull off this dress, I think it’s clear she’s crying out to us for help. This crazy gown was my Fall 2013 red carpet prediction for Florence Welch, just to give you an idea of the kind of woman you have to be to pull off this gown. Dakota, sweetheart, you are not that woman. To make matters worse, this gown’s jumpsuit cousin also made an appearance on the LACMA red carpet:

AMBER VALLETTA
jumpsuit by Gucci

Photo: Frazer Harrison/Getty

No. Everything about those shiny pants is a no. For future reference, Amber, the paparazzi should not be able to see themselves in the reflection of your clothing.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2013.
. facebook . twitter . pinterest .