March Fabness 2014, Round 1: Valentino Bracket


There’s no rest for the red carpet weary, dear readers. Round 1 continues with four fierce new match-ups.  

NAOMIE HARRIS vs. CARA DELEVINGNE
Naomi's top and skirt by Calvin Klein; Cara's top, pants, purse, and shoes by Burberry

Naomie’s top and skirt by Calvin Klein; Cara’s top, pants, purse, and shoes by Burberry

NAOMIE: Oh, shit.

CARA: What?

Naomie's dress by Naeem Khan, purse by Zagliani, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Cara's suit by Mulberry

Naomie’s dress by Naeem Khan, purse by Zagliani, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Cara’s suit by Mulberry

NAOMIE: Nothing! I just – ugh, I really did not want to go up against you of all people, Cara.

CARA: Why not, love? I’m a rather excellent person to have a fashion battle with, you know.

Naomie's dress by Chanel; Cara's suit and blouse by Saint Laurent

Naomie’s dress by Chanel; Cara’s suit and blouse by Saint Laurent

NAOMIE: That’s the problem! How am I supposed to stand a chance against Cara Delevingne’s famous eyebrows?

CARA: Well, basic bitches cannot compete with me, it’s true. But you’re beautiful and fabulous, Naomie. Don’t worry so much.

Naomie's gown by Valentino, purse by Rauwolf; Cara's gown and purse by Burberry

Naomie’s gown by Valentino, purse by Rauwolf; Cara’s gown and purse by Burberry

NAOMIE: Oh, I’m not WORRIED. I’m just trying to think of the best way to pluck off your eyebrows when you’re not looking.

CARA: WHAT?!

Naomie's gown by Alexander McQueen; Cara's gown by Burberry

Naomie’s gown by Alexander McQueen; Cara’s gown by Burberry

NAOMIE: You heard me. Now run along, before someone drops a pair of tweezers on you.

CARA: HOW DARE YOU. Thank goodness Anna Wintour made me insure my eyebrows for half a million dollars.

MARION COTILLARD vs. EMMA WATSON
Marion's dress and shoes by Christian Dior; Emma's dress by Chanel, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Marion’s dress and shoes by Christian Dior; Emma’s dress by Chanel, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

MARION: Bonjour, Ms. Watson!

EMMA: Hi, Marion. Tell me, don’t you get tired wearing the same designer practically every day for an entire year?

Marion's dress and shoes by Christian Dior; Emma's dress by Maxime Simons, shoes by Proenza Schouler

Marion’s dress and shoes by Christian Dior; Emma’s dress by Maxime Simoëns, shoes by Proenza Schouler

MARION: Not when that designer is Dior, darling. French girls simply cannot go wrong in Dior.

EMMA: It just seems exhausting, that’s all. Between you and Jennifer Lawrence and Charlize Theron, is there really enough Dior to go around?

Marion's dress and shoes by Christian Dior; Emma's dress and shoes by J. Mendel

Marion’s dress and shoes by Christian Dior; Emma’s dress and shoes by J. Mendel

MARION: Honey, there doesn’t need to be enough to go around. There just needs to be enough for me. You think I let anyone else get near Dior’s sparkliest dresses with pockets? Non. Those are all mine.

EMMA: Well, all’s fair in love, war, and dresses with pockets, so that sounds reasonable enough to me.

Marion's dress and shoes by Christian Dior; Emma's gown by Prabal Gurung

Marion’s dress and shoes by Christian Dior; Emma’s gown by Prabal Gurung

MARION: Oh, and a bit of advice from a much more famous star: give that hair a little height. The higher the hair, the closer to God, and God is the one who decides who gets Academy Awards, after all.

EMMA: It’s cute that you think you’re more famous than I am. Bitch, I am HERMIONE FUCKING GRANGER. There is no out-faming me.

Marion's gown by Christian Dior; Emma's gown by Chanel

Marion’s gown by Christian Dior; Emma’s gown by Chanel

MARION: Oh, fine. Play the stubborn, sullen child. It’ll just make me even more lovely and elegant by comparison.

EMMA: Psh. In your dreams, Marion.

KARLIE KLOSS vs. JENA MALONE
Karlie's top and skirt by Cushnie et Ochs, shoes by Gucci; Jena's dress by Mikael D, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Karlie’s top and skirt by Cushnie et Ochs, shoes by Gucci; Jena’s dress by Mikael D, shoes by Christian Louboutin

KARLIE: OMGZ IT’S JOHANNA MASON.

JENA: Hmm? Oh, yeah, I play Johanna in Catching Fire. Fabulous to meet you, Karlie!

Karlie's dress by Prabal Gurung; Jena's dress and purse by Valentino, shoes by Casadei

Karlie’s dress by Prabal Gurung; Jena’s dress and purse by Valentino, shoes by Casadei

KARLIE: DO YOU HAVE ANY AXES? Do you have like a teeny tiny little fold-up axe in that clutch?

JENA: … Are you okay? You seem a tiny bit psychotic. And I don’t think teeny tiny little fold-up axes actually exist.

Karlie's dress by Jason Wu; Jena's dress by J. Mendel

Karlie’s dress by Jason Wu; Jena’s gown by J. Mendel

KARLIE: C’mon, victor from the lumber district! I know you’re hiding an axe somewhere!

JENA: Okay. You know I’m not actually Johanna, right? I just play her in a movie? You know, like actors do?

Karlie's dress by Louis Vuitton; Jena's gown by Monique Lhuillier

Karlie’s gown by Louis Vuitton; Jena’s gown by Monique Lhuillier

KARLIE: Oh, get out of here with that false modesty. Nobody wears a gown like that unless they’ve spent some time traipsing around the Capitol, Johanna.

JENA: MY NAME ISN’T JOHANNA. And you aren’t exactly helping all those “models are dumb” stereotypes, Karlie.

Karlie's gown by Cushnie et Ochs; Jena's gown by Nicholas Oakwell, purse by Jimmy Choo

Karlie’s gown by Cushnie et Ochs; Jena’s gown by Nicholas Oakwell, purse by Jimmy Choo

KARLIE: Models are NOT dumb! Now, tell me – did you and Finnick used to be an item? What’s the deal with that?

JENA: Aw, honey. It’s a good thing you’re pretty.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE vs. FREIDA PINTO
Jennifer's top and pants by Marc Jacobs; Freida's dress by Rachel Roy, purse by Thal Blanc, shoes by Charlotte Olympia

Jennifer’s top and pants by Marc Jacobs; Freida’s dress by Rachel Roy, purse by Thalé Blanc, shoes by Charlotte Olympia

JENNIFER: Let’s just get this over with – I’m not Katniss. Don’t call me Katniss. Okay?

FREIDA: Um, sure. I wasn’t going to, but whatever. Psycho.

Jennifer's top and skirt by Alexander McQueen, shoes by Jimmy Choo; Freida's suit  and purse by Gucci

Jennifer’s top and skirt by Alexander McQueen, shoes by Jimmy Choo; Freida’s suit and purse by Gucci

JENNIFER: I’m not a PSYCHO, I’m just trying to avoid yet another round of GIRL ON FIRE!!! references, okay? That shit gets old.

FREIDA: Oh, yes, I can see how being the star of a multi-million dollar movie franchise can be categorized as “shit that gets old.”

Jennifer's dress by Christian Dior, shoes by Stuart Weitzman; Freida's gown by Salvatore Ferragamo

Jennifer’s dress by Christian Dior, shoes by Stuart Weitzman; Freida’s gown by Salvatore Ferragamo

JENNIFER: Can you stop making me sound like such an asshole? Karlie Kloss just spent ten minutes asking Jena Malone if she has an axe in her purse! I’m just trying to move things along, okay?

FREIDA: FINE.

Jennifer's dress by Christian Dior, shoes by Brian Atwood; Freida's gown by Gucci

Jennifer’s dress by Christian Dior, shoes by Brian Atwood; Freida’s gown by Gucci

JENNIFER: GREAT. Thank you.

FREIDA: So, does Johanna actually have an axe in her purse, or what?

Jennifer's gown by Christian Dior; Freida's gown by Sanchita, purse by Swarovski, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Jennifer’s gown by Christian Dior; Freida’s gown by Sanchita, purse by Swarovski, shoes by Jimmy Choo

JENNIFER: I CAN’T EVEN WITH YOU BITCHES.

FREIDA: Jeez. Fine. It was just a question.


© Democracy Diva, 2014.
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