March Fabness 2014, Round 1: Givenchy Bracket


A day without judging celebrities is a day wasted, dear readers. Four new match-ups await you. 

KAROLINA KURKOVA vs. NAYA RIVERA
Karolina's dress by Karolina Zmarlak, shoes by Edmundo Castillo; Naya's top and skirt by Michael Kors, shoes by Kurt Geigers

Karolina’s dress by Karolina Zmarlak, shoes by Edmundo Castillo; Naya’s top and skirt by Michael Kors, shoes by Kurt Geiger

KAROLINA: Naya, you’ve made a nice effort at becoming a fashionista in the last year. But you have yet to learn the most important style lesson – act like every sidewalk is your own personal runway.

NAYA: I actually think I can be just as fabulous without people in puffy coats staring at me because I’m running around in completely unseasonable clothing, thanks.

Karolina's top, shorts, and shoes by Michael Kors; Naya's dress by Michael Kors, shoes by Monika Chiang

Karolina’s top, shorts, and shoes by Michael Kors; Naya’s dress by Michael Kors, shoes by Monika Chiang

KAROLINA: Oh, supermodels can’t feel weather. It’s one of our many superpowers.

NAYA: Psh. Come on. You do not have superpowers.

Karolina's gown by Elie Saab; Naya's top and skirt by Michael Kors, shoes by Casadei

Karolina’s gown by Elie Saab; Naya’s top and skirt by Michael Kors, shoes by Casadei

KAROLINA: Don’t I? Who else but a supermodel could wear glorified old-fashioned underwear and call it an Oscars after-party look?

NAYA: I don’t know, but no one should, yourself included.

Karolina's gown by Armani, shoes by Jimmy Choo; Naya's gown by Paco Rabanne

Karolina’s gown by Armani, shoes by Jimmy Choo; Naya’s gown by Paco Rabanne

KAROLINA: Says the girl trying to dress like me, but ending up looking like Morticia Adams.

NAYA: Morticia Adams is fabulous. I take that as a compliment.

Karolina's gown by Julien Macdonald; Naya's jumpsuit by Pamella Roland, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Karolina’s gown by Julien Macdonald; Naya’s jumpsuit by Pamella Roland, shoes by Jimmy Choo

KAROLINA: Whatever. If you’re not rocking a slit that goes right up to your Britney, you’re not really worthy of my time anyway.

NAYA: Hm? Sorry. I was distracted by the gloriousness of my own breasts.

AMY ADAMS vs. MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL
Amy's dress by Victoria Beckham; Maggie's dress by Roland Mouret

Amy’s dress by Victoria Beckham; Maggie’s dress by Roland Mouret

AMY: Hi, Maggie, darling. Tell me, do you think I could pull off that pixie cut?

MAGGIE: Not in a million fucking years, sweetheart. And besides, if I had red Disney princess hair like yours, I’d never chop it all off.

Amy's dress by Vivienne Westwood, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Maggie's dress by Alexander McQueen, purse by Anndra Neen, shoes by Casadei

Amy’s dress by Vivienne Westwood, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Maggie’s dress by Alexander McQueen, purse by Anndra Neen, shoes by Casadei

AMY: Who, me? Disney princess hair? Aw, aren’t you darling.

MAGGIE: Shut up with your faux modestly. Like you don’t work that mermaid hair for all its worth.

Amy's gown by Roland Mouret; Maggie's dress by Prada

Amy’s gown by Roland Mouret; Maggie’s dress by Prada

AMY: *combs hair with a fork* I have no idea what you’re talking about.

MAGGIE: Whatever. I can’t even argue with a redhead who wears pink.

Amy's gown by Valentino; Maggie's dress by Prada, shoes by Manolo Blahnik

Amy’s gown by Valentino; Maggie’s dress by Prada, shoes by Manolo Blahnik

AMY: I’ll have you know that there is no shade of red or pink that I can’t make look good, because I am single-handedly dismantling all the rules about what colors redheads can wear. I HAVE THAT POWER.

MAGGIE: Keep telling yourself that, honey.

Amy's gown by Antonio Berardi, shoes by Jimmy Choo; Maggie's gown by Lanvin

Amy’s gown by Antonio Berardi, shoes by Jimmy Choo; Maggie’s gown by Lanvin

AMY: You have every right to be jealous because my blue gown with gold embellishments is like, a thousand times more fabulous than yours. But don’t take it out on me.

MAGGIE: Puh-LEASE. You just wish you were legitimately interesting off to be as hipster-chic as I am.

NICOLE RICHIE vs. BEYONCÉ KNOWLES
Nicole's dress by Antonio Berardi, shoes by Manolo Blahnik; Beyonc 's blazer by Helmut Lang, purse by Alexander Wang

Nicole’s dress by Antonio Berardi, shoes by Manolo Blahnik; Beyoncé’s blazer by Helmut Lang, purse by Alexander Wang

NICOLE: I can’t even handle this. How am I supposed to compete with you? How is it possible that you and Jay look that perfect just walking down the street?

BEYONCÉ: *flips hair* I woke up like this.

Nicole's jacket by Chloé; Beyoncé's dress by Tom Ford, purse by Giuseppe Zanotti, shoes by Brian Atwood

Nicole’s jacket by Chloé; Beyoncé’s dress by Tom Ford, purse by Giuseppe Zanotti, shoes by Brian Atwood

NICOLE: Well, you’re not the only one who can work a white blazer like it’s her job, okay? And can you drop Jay off somewhere already? Do you ever go anywhere without him?

BEYONCÉ: *glares angrily* I took some time to live my life, but don’t think I’m just his little wife. Don’t get it twisted. This MY shit – bow down, bitches.

Nicole's dress by Dilek Hanif, leggings by Robin's, cat ears by Maison Michel, purse by House of Harlow, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Beyoncé's gown by Vrettos Vrettakos

Nicole’s dress by Dilek Hanif, leggings by Robin’s, cat ears by Maison Michel, purse by House of Harlow, shoes by Christian Louboutin; Beyoncé’s gown by Vrettos Vrettakos

NICOLE: Well, that’s just unnecessarily aggressive. And what the hell are you smiling about?

BEYONCÉ: *shrugs* I been drinkin’, I been drinkin’.

Nicole's top and skirt by Alberta Ferretti; Beyoncé's gown by Roberto Cavalli

Nicole’s top and skirt by Alberta Ferretti; Beyoncé’s gown by Roberto Cavalli

NICOLE: Really? We can’t even have an actual conversation? You’re just going to speak in Beyonce lyrics? You don’t have ANYTHING else to say to me?

BEYONCÉ: *booty drops* Let me sit this AAAAAAASS on ya.

Nicole's gown by Dolce & Gabbana, purse by House of Harlow; Beyoncé's gown by Michael Costello

Nicole’s gown by Dolce & Gabbana, purse by House of Harlow; Beyoncé’s gown by Michael Costello

NICOLE: Get off me! You’re going to wrinkle my feathers and mess up my hair!

BEYONCÉ: Whoa there, daddy daddy, now you ripped my fur. Oh baby baby, be sweatin’ on my hurr. Took 45 minutes to get all dressed up, and we ain’t even gonna make it to this club.

DIANE KRUGER vs. CHLOË MORETZ
Diane's top and skirt by Emanuel Ungaro, shoes by JImmy Choo; Chlo 's jacket by McQ, purse by Chanel

Diane’s top and skirt by Emanuel Ungaro, shoes by JImmy Choo; Chloë’s jacket by McQ, purse by Chanel

DIANE: Are you lost, little girl?

CHLOË: Ex-fucking-scuse me?

Diane's dress by Chanel, shoes by Stuart Weitzman; Chloë's dress by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Diane’s dress by Chanel, shoes by Stuart Weitzman; Chloë’s dress by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Jimmy Choo

DIANE: Well, sweetheart, when you’ve been named Fabbest of them All, it’s hard to imagine why it would even be necessary to compete against a little girl like you. I mean, it’s not exactly a fair fight, is it?

CHLOÉ: Well, it will be when I punch you right in your perfect fucking face.

Diane's gown by Valentino; Chloë's dress by Christopher Kane

Diane’s gown by Valentino; Chloë’s dress by Christopher Kane

DIANE: Darling, there’s no need to get all emotional. I’m just saying, I’ve been crowned the winner of March Fabness. You’re going to have to do a lot better than that basic schoolgirl chic if you want to have a chance of beating me.

CHLOË: Whatever. Like I’d ever carry a hot pink purse with a baby pink gown. What are you, Barbie?

Diane's gown by Valentino; Chloë's dress by Christopher Kane, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Diane’s gown by Valentino; Chloë’s dress by Christopher Kane, shoes by Jimmy Choo

DIANE: Oh, run along now, darling. The grown-ups have actual fashion-ing to do.

CHLOË: Sorry? Could you speak up? That dress is so loud, I couldn’t quite hear you.

Diane's gown by Prabal Gurung, shoes by Casadei; Chloë's suit by Viktor & Rolf, shoes by Chanel

Diane’s gown by Prabal Gurung, shoes by Casadei; Chloë’s suit by Viktor & Rolf, shoes by Chanel

DIANE: Oh, I see someone’s got a smart mouth! That’s good. You’ll need that, since you’re certainly not going to make a name for yourself in March Fabness.

CHLOË: Watch me.


© Democracy Diva, 2014.
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