The internet gods have smiled upon us all! My wifi is back, and Round 2 can finally begin.
EMMA STONE vs. ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY
Emma: Ugh, would you just look at me? I’m amazing.
Rosie: I mean, I guess you’re okay.
Emma: ‘Okay’? Have you SEEN my shoes?
Rosie: Yes, I just think they speak more to the amazingness of Valentino than the amazingness of Emma Watson.
Emma: I’m Emma Stone, for God’s sake. Not Emma Watson.
Rosie: Oh. What’s the difference?
Emma: Um, we’re completely different people?
Rosie: Oh, right. She’s the British one.
LILY COLLINS vs. ANNA KENDRICK
Lily: Can I be in Pitch Perfect 3?
Lily: But you haven’t even heard my Pitch Perfect 3 pitch! IT’S PERFECT! You might even say… IT’S A PITCH PERFECT PITCH PERFECT PITCH!
Anna: … YOU might say that, but I’m sure I wouldn’t.
Lily: Why not?
Anna: Because it makes you sound like a crazy person.
Lily: No! It makes me sound like an awesome nerd! And you love awesome nerds!
Anna: And yet somehow, I still hate you.
Lily: Fine. Be that way. But in Pitch Perfect 3, you were totally going to have a three-way with Ryan Gosling and Channing Tatum.
Anna: Forget everything I just said and send me that script immediately.
MICHELLE MONAGHAN vs. KIERNAN SHIPKA
Michelle: Well, this is humiliating.
Kiernan: What is?
Michelle: Do I even have to say it? You’re a child. What kind of pathetic fashion battle is this?
Kiernan: I’m not sure. I suppose it’s one that I’m going to kick your fucking ass in.
Michelle: Listen, sweetie. I’m pushing forty. I’ve got two kids. When was your first period, an hour ago?
Kiernan: That’s irrelevant and rude, and so are you.
Michelle: I’m getting too old for this shit.
Kiernan: I’m getting too old for people to still be saying, “I’m getting too old for this shit.”
Michelle: Fine, you little monster. I quit.
Kiernan: Please don’t. It’s not nearly as much fun for me to kick your ass if I win by default.
KERRY WASHINGTON vs. MARION COTILLARD
Kerry: Trees? Really?
Marion: Oui. Arbres.
Kerry: And what is that? A flower having an orgy with the sun and stars?
Marion: Oui. Bien sûr.
Kerry: And now this? An abstract flower blooming upwards from your crotch?
Marion: Oui. Très Georgia O’Keefe.
Kerry: Did you steal those shoes from a drag queen pilgrim?
Marion: Je souhaite.
Kerry: Well, you may have quit the increasingly confusing prints, but I’m still going to defeat you.
Marion: Fuck off.