The internet gods have smiled upon us all! My wifi is back, and Round 2 can finally begin.  

EMMA STONE vs. ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY

Emma: Ugh, would you just look at me? I’m amazing.

Rosie: I mean, I guess you’re okay.

Emma: ‘Okay’? Have you SEEN my shoes?

Rosie: Yes, I just think they speak more to the amazingness of Valentino than the amazingness of Emma Watson.

Emma: STONE.

Rosie: Hm?

Emma: I’m Emma Stone, for God’s sake. Not Emma Watson.

Rosie: Oh. What’s the difference?

Emma: Um, we’re completely different people?

Rosie: Oh, right. She’s the British one.

LILY COLLINS vs. ANNA KENDRICK

Lily: Can I be in Pitch Perfect 3?

Anna: No.

Lily: But you haven’t even heard my Pitch Perfect 3 pitch! IT’S PERFECT! You might even say… IT’S A PITCH PERFECT PITCH PERFECT PITCH!

Anna: … YOU might say that, but I’m sure I wouldn’t.

Lily: Why not?

Anna: Because it makes you sound like a crazy person.

Lily: No! It makes me sound like an awesome nerd! And you love awesome nerds!

Anna: And yet somehow, I still hate you.

Lily: Fine. Be that way. But in Pitch Perfect 3, you were totally going to have a three-way with Ryan Gosling and Channing Tatum.

Anna: Forget everything I just said and send me that script immediately.

MICHELLE MONAGHAN vs. KIERNAN SHIPKA

Michelle: Well, this is humiliating.

Kiernan: What is?

Michelle: Do I even have to say it? You’re a child. What kind of pathetic fashion battle is this?

Kiernan: I’m not sure. I suppose it’s one that I’m going to kick your fucking ass in.

Michelle: Listen, sweetie. I’m pushing forty. I’ve got two kids. When was your first period, an hour ago?

Kiernan: That’s irrelevant and rude, and so are you.

Michelle: I’m getting too old for this shit.

Kiernan: I’m getting too old for people to still be saying, “I’m getting too old for this shit.”

Michelle: Fine, you little monster. I quit.

Kiernan: Please don’t. It’s not nearly as much fun for me to kick your ass if I win by default.

KERRY WASHINGTON vs. MARION COTILLARD

Kerry: Trees? Really?

Marion: Oui. Arbres.

Kerry: And what is that? A flower having an orgy with the sun and stars?

Marion: Oui. Bien sûr.

Kerry: And now this? An abstract flower blooming upwards from your crotch?

Marion: Oui. Très Georgia O’Keefe.

Kerry: Did you steal those shoes from a drag queen pilgrim?

Marion: Je souhaite.

Kerry: Well, you may have quit the increasingly confusing prints, but I’m still going to defeat you.

Marion: Fuck off.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2015.
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