The third bracket is open and it’s time to fucking judge.
EMMA STONE vs. BEYONCÉ KNOWLES
Emma: Good morrow, my queen!
Beyoncé: *radiates beauty*
Emma: You are looking flawless today, Your Holiness.
Beyoncé: *oozes magic*
Emma: Might I use the scraps of discarded fabric from your gown for my own dress, Your Magnificence?
Beyoncé: *emanates amazingness*
Emma: Shall I hold your purse, the better to show off your latex, Your Radiance?
Beyoncé: *secretes elegance*
Emma: Shall I sacrifice my Oscar to your altar, Your Splendiferousness?
Beyoncé: *smiles enigmatically*
GABRIELLE UNION vs. ANNA KENDRICK
Gabrielle: So, you seen this new Obamacare repeal bill?
Anna: Um… what?
Gabrielle: Oh, are we not doing the small talk thing?
Anna: Does that really qualify as “small talk”?
Gabrielle: Girl, I’m TRYING. You give it a shot.
Anna: So… you seen this new travel ban?
Anna: I tried!
Gabrielle: I give up. Small talk is impossible when there’s so much goddamn news.
Anna: At least we have fancy dresses.
SARAH PAULSON vs. TARAJI P. HENSON
Sarah: Welcome to March Fabness, Taraji!
Taraji: Oh, you’re too kind, Sarah. Thrilled to be here.
Sarah: Well, I’m thrilled to have you AND your one-night-stand’s shirt with us today.
Taraji: Oh, so it’s like that?
Sarah: Yeah, that’s pretty much exactly what it’s like.
Taraji: Well, you look like a big… velvet… bumblebee!
Sarah: Oh, honey. That’s just weak.
Taraji: Nice – nice jacket! Is – did your one-night-stand –
Sarah: Stick to posing, darling.
Taraji: Go fuck yourself, Gumby.
MARION COTILLARD vs. BELLA HADID
Marion: Bonjour! Mademoiselle Hadid, I am ze biggest fan of your modeling.
Marion: Yes! You are, how you say, ze up and coming star?
Bella: Yes! I DO say that!
Marion: I must say, I prefer zis darker hair on you. Much more elegant.
Bella: Oh, this is my usual hair. The lighter-haired one is my sister, Gigi.
Marion: Non. I thought YOU are Gigi Hadid?
Bella: … No, I’m Bella Hadid.
Marion: Oh. Well zen. Tell your sister I am ze biggest fan of her modeling.
Bella: I hate you.