Come, dear readers, and experience the joy of democracy!
EVAN RACHEL WOOD vs. SIENNA MILLER
Evan: Be honest. Does this outfit make me look like Ellen?
Sienna: No! But if you were wearing sneakers… maybe.
Evan: Ugh, thank you. That was going to bother me all day.
Sienna: Happy to help!
Evan: So, what are you shilling this week?
Sienna: Shilling? What do you mean?
Evan: Shilling. Promoting. What are you here to sell?
Sienna: Uh… myself?
Evan: Oh, God. Am I talking to one of those “actresses” who makes like MAYBE one decent movie every five years but is still somehow on every red carpet, all the time, always?
Sienna: … Well, maybe, but you also just described yourself.
ELLE FANNING vs. ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO
Elle: I’m just like really impressed with you.
Alessandra: Oh, aren’t you sweet!
Elle: Like I didn’t even know you could still DO that.
Alessandra: Um… do what?
Elle: Dress like that!
Alessandra: Dress like what?
Elle: I mean, you’re 35! That’s like a HUNDRED in fashion years! And they still give you all the nice dresses and everything!
Alessandra: Child, I will CUT you.
KARLIE KLOSS vs. JESSICA BIEL
Karlie: I’m more boring.
Jessica: No, I’M more boring.
Karlie: I’m a tall, blonde, thin model.
Jessica: I’m a tall, brunette, thin actress.
Karlie: I’m so boring, I was a Victoria’s Secret Angel. And I enjoyed it.
Jessica: Bitch, I’m so boring, I was on 7th Heaven. Game over.
Karlie: Well, I’m so boring, I’m in Taylor Swift’s squad! We are the forgettable QUEENS of boredom!
Jessica: I’m so boring, I’m married to Justin Timberlake! We are boring relationship goals!
Karlie: Oh, shit. You’re right. You’re definitely more boring.
Jessica: Thank you. Damn. Took you long enough.
RUTH NEGGA vs. JENNIFER CONNELLY
Ruth: Am I doing this right?
Jennifer: Doing what right?
Ruth: This. The March Fabness thing.
Jennifer: I’m not sure you can do it wrong, actually.
Jennifer: Yeah. Pose, throw a little shade, bing bang boom, you’re done.
Ruth: So, I just stand here, and ask you why your tits crest like the waves of the ocean, and then go home?
Jennifer: Well, I like to hit the bar first, but, yeah, pretty much.
Ruth: Did you hit the bar head-first? A concussion would definitely explain your fashion choices.
Jennifer: Atta girl, Ruthie. Welcome to the family.