The polls are FINALLY open.
JANELLE MONAE vs. ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY
Janelle: Oh, fantastic, you’re finally here.
Rosie: You’re too sweet! It’s a pleasure to meet you too, Janelle.
Janelle: Let’s stick with “Ms. Monae,” shall we?
Rosie: Uh, okay?
Janelle: Aren’t you a little… overdressed for this gig?
Rosie: What? I thought overdressing IS this gig.
Janelle: Well, for ME it is.
Rosie: And me?
Janelle: You? Aren’t you just here to hold my train up while I pee?
Rosie: Fuck you, lady. I’m out.
DAVID OYELOWO vs. VIOLA DAVIS
David: Viola, darling! What a joy to see you again.
Viola: Thank you, David. I never tire of hearing that.
David: I’m dying to know – what’s life like since the Oscars?
Viola: Oh, you know. Quiet. Normal.
David: Really? Hmm.
Viola: I’m just a humble woman, David. Things like awards don’t affect me the same way they affect other actresses.
David: That’s really refreshing to hear, Viola.
Viola: It’s just who I am.
David: Well, good for you! It’s so important to stay normal.
Viola: I agree wholeheartedly. Now I’m afraid I have to run. I’m late for my unicorn blood facial and my diamond colonoscopy.
DAKOTA FANNING vs. KENDALL JENNER
Dakota: *waves left hand*
Kendall: *waves left hand*
Dakota: *waves right hand*
Kendall: *waves right hand*
Dakota: *jumps up and down*
Kendall: *jumps up and down*
Dakota: *smiles; frowns*
Kendall: *smiles; frowns*
Dakota: *whispers* Are you… are you just me, in too much makeup and a dark wig?
Kendall: *whispers* … Yes.
HAILEE STEINFELD vs. ZOË KRAVITZ
Hailee: Nothing! I just… um, can I ask you something?
Zoë: If you must.
Zoë: Sorry, I didn’t catch that.
Hailee: Can you… can you teach me how to be cool like you, please?
Hailee: Oh, god. Of course you can’t. I’m such a loser. I’m sorry I asked.
Zoë: No, you’re actually adorable, I just literally can’t teach it. My dad is Lenny Kravitz, my mom is Lisa Bonet, and my stepdad is Khal Drogo. There is no way to NOT be cool under those circumstances. Cool is just my birthright.