Welcome back, bitches! Let’s finish up these damn Grammys.
Here is the second and final portion of your weekly fashion recap! Don’t forget to check out Part I as well.
Part two of your weekly fashion recap is here!
Welcome back to your slightly-less-than-weekly celebrity fashion recap!
By popular demand, here is everything you need to know about the mostly fugly, but sometimes fabulous American Music Awards red carpet! Let’s judge some rich and thin bitches – it’s like therapy, but free.
I love lace as much as the next girl, but I don’t think I can handle another sheer lace dress on the red carpet. Certainly not this one, which is just strange and ugly. The sash in the middle is unflattering and doesn’t go with the rest of the garment. The sleeves look old-fashioned and matronly. I don’t think this fits her all that well, and even if it did, I just see no appeal to this dress. Sorry, Frau Klum. Auf wiedersehen.
I try to mention Jessica Alba as little as possible on this blog, because I think she is possibly the most boring person on the planet. She’s never done or worn anything interesting; worse yet, she’s hailed as an A-list celebrity and fashion icon in spite of the fact that she’s not good at anything. But I felt guilty ignoring her when I’m talking about basically every single other celeb on the red carpet at the AMAs. Anyway, the jewelry is too chunky, the dress is boring, and the hair is downright lazy. And I know it’s only the AMAs, but you still need to blow dry your hair before leaving the house. Just a thought.
When did Katy Perry get so classy? I mean, sure, it looks like she may have some balled-up tissues glued to her cocktail dress, but this is uncommonly normal, especially for a woman who has candy shooting out of her boobs in half her music videos. She looks stunning here – it’s easy to forget how beautiful she is when she’s running around in blue Betty Page wigs and loud dresses that are a few sizes smaller than she should be wearing. But here, she’s positively glowing. Looks like marriage really can make you grow up, even if you marry someone who used to be addicted to heroin and sex.
I don’t know what year Pink thinks it is, but in 2010, women can be pregnant and still look good on the red carpet! Just because you’re with child doesn’t mean you have to dress like a blind nun. What the hell is going on with the fit of this sad little dress? The bust is a complete disaster. And the grey-blue hair is just annoying.
Like her colleague Ms. Perry, Rihanna looked surprisingly classy and glamorous. I honestly think this is the best she’s ever looked. Her hair, while still a bit insane, has gotten infinitely less stupid. And though this dress is over-the-top, I think it’s exactly the right dress for her. She’s completely covered up and totally revealed at the same time. I love the color and the fit, but she gets a few points off for jumping on the sheer lace dress bandwagon.
Damn. This is seriously a gorgeous dress. Beautiful color and amazing draping. The popped leg is a bit much – Rihanna, we’ll still believe you have thighs even if you stop flashing them for a moment – but once again, a usually nutter-butter pop star looks shockingly classy and fabulous.
Apparently, Christina Milian is still alive. But she’s clearly been abducted by slutty Hollywood aliens – and even the aliens can’t help but throw some lace on this dress.
Ugly, outdated, and boring.
People need to stop photographing Kelly Osbourne from this angle. The girl has a weirdly large head to begin with, and this angle really isn’t doing her any favors. But at least she’s rocking her little black dress. I like the trannylicious eye makeup and the pop of turquoise in her jewelry. She’s really turned herself from the chunky kid of a bat-eating rocker into a beautiful and stylish fashionista.
If a suit of armor and a 1920s flapper had a love child who ended up working as a drag queen in a burlesque club, this is what she would wear.
Better, but still tacky as hell and a size too small. And you can give that haute couture pose all you want, Ferg, but that won’t distract from the fact that you have no taste and no talent.
Um, Mandy? What the hell happened to you? Obviously there was an ill-informed hair dye choice and a switch to a really boring stylist, but did you also get some bad work done? Because this bitch is completely unrecognizable. Cheekbone implants? A new chin? Botox? An eyelift? I don’t know what you did, but I hope you can undo it, and fast.
Finally, someone with both a sense of style and a sense of humor! This Glee cutie is looking mighty adorable in his suit, made a little more casual and funky with a fabulous plaid shirt and white tie.
Good lord, when will she stop? I used to love me some Jada, but her sense of style has been on a downward spiral for quite some time. I hate the mullet skirt, the gladiator accessories, and most of all, these God-awful colors.
One day, Willow, we can look back on this together and laugh. This is like the worst of Lady Gaga meets the worst of Michael Jackson, plus the ugliest shoes in the history of mankind. You may be the spawn of famous, beautiful, and talented people, and you may be friggen’ adorable, but this is unforgiveable, even for a child.
T-Swift is looking mighty fierce, if basically unrecognizable, with her new bangs. I think it’s about time that she went for a more mature and dramatic haircut, but she looks so different that this might actually end up hurting her. The dress is unoffensive but also unsurprising – Taylor basically lives in red gowns and sparkly cocktail dresses. But I’m glad her style is maturing – I think she’s never looked better.
The number one reason that I hate trains: if you don’t know what to do with it, it just looks like the entire roll of toilet paper got caught on your shoe in the ladies’ room. Take it away, and you’ve got a basic, boring, teeny little starlet dress. And tacky stripper-meets-ice-dancer shoes. But at least I can’t see her hoo-ha. That’s an improvement.
Is it just me, or is this just a draped and belted copy of Miley’s dress?
How many more years is Avril going to hold onto that awful hairdo? At least stars with similarly tacky hair styles (like Pink, Rihanna, Katy Perry, etc.) change their hairdos constantly to keep us talking, even if it’s about how they look crazier than ever. Does anybody still do this stick-straight, no-bangs hairdo, or did that go out of style at least five years ago? Not to mention the black-under-platinum coloring, which certainly hasn’t been trendy since George W. Bush’s first term, and the pink streaks, which I think died with the end of the 20th century. If you’re going to be a no-talent faux punk princess, at least give us something new to say about your style.
This looks like it was made through a collaboration of Project Runway season 8 winner Gretchen and season 4 finalist Uli. It’s a lot of print, but that’s not the biggest problem. I think the fit and the colors are just too drab and sad for the red carpet. If it were shorter and tighter, I might support the ugly prints, but this is just a bit too lame.
I’m making the same face, because I’ve been looking at this photo for days and I just noticed that the bright green color next to her arms is not part of the dress, but part of her HAIR. I have nothing to say except that now I understand why Rihanna and Katy look so normal – there are tackier, crazier, and somehow even less talented bitches ready to wear whatever ridiculous shit will get them even a modicum of attention. And I guess it worked, because here I am, blogging about this Lady Gaga wannabe like she actually deserves any of my attention.
Let that sink in, and then prepare yourself for the close-up:
I don’t think there’s anything left to say except that Kesha is clearly in desperate need of an intervention.
© Democracy Diva, 2010.
Let’s study this from top to bottom.
- I’m so over Rihanna’s Elmo hair, it’s not even funny.
- Really? A hippie headband? Who is she, Mary-Kate Olsen in 2008?
- What’s going on with her breasts? Pardon me, but she looks like her implants deflated. Invest in a push-up bra or a new plastic surgeon, honey.
- What a pathetic attempt at a Madonna costume. One crucifix necklace, a bra-esque top and a big poofy skirt? Put a little more effort into your imitations.
- I kind of like those boots. Because Rayanne Graff would have worn them.
Emma Stone, why so serious? You keep getting cast in movies, you are everyone’s go-to for the cute little alternative vixen. And your lisp is so precious, I can’t even handle it. So dress up! No reason to wrap your face in a frown and your body in a cheap bag of garbage. Wear something bright, feel good in it, and light up the red carpet like I know you can.
And I thought Emma Stone’s dress looked too much like trash bags… now I can see that that was a subtle take on this trash-tastic ensemble. But what’s far worse than that dress is what I thought was a scarf and now can see it’s KESHA’S HAIR. That giant braid is longer than the bitch’s arm.
Surprisingly cute, classy and formal, considering it’s the VMAs. The bodice is adorable, I like the draping on the skirt, but I think she could use a really blingin’ necklace. Cute bracelet and purse, though. And SMILE, BITCHES! It’s the VMAs. It’s not like any of these awards actually matter. Just have a good time.
I’m not much of a Katy Perry fan, and I usually hate how she styles herself, but even I must admit that this is kind of adorable. It’s like the super-gay version of Ashely Greene’s dress.It’s more appropriate for an ice dancer than a red carpet, but it’s sexy and intriguing and costumey and fun. I hate the pink lipstick and the shoes are kind of immature, but I love the illusion of nudity and the way the skirt ways. And check out her fingernails – individual faces of her beau Russell Brand. Creepy, but if I was the woman who got Russell Brand to settle down, I’d show it off too.
Oh my God, it’s Florence. She is a total powerhouse with a ridiculous voice – she’s a true artist, which is why she gave by far the best performance at the VMAs. It also didn’t hurt that she was basically the only performer who didn’t lip sync, and furthermore, she’s that rare performer who STILL SOUNDS FUCKING AWESOME when she’s singing live and running around the stage like a maniac. Her and Gaga are the only artists in recent VMAs memory to achieve such a thing.
I’ve known for months that Florence was a crazy-amazing musician, but until the VMAs, I didn’t know that she’s also a total fashionista. She’s wearing Givenchy haute couture and NAILING it, which is something that a fashion newbie just can’t do. It’s totally glam, but that zipper down the middle keeps it a little more casual and appropriate for the event. And that gold color against her jaw-droppingly red hair is perfect. And I love a redhead who’s not afraid to rock red lipstick. Perfect fit, adorable purse, and a long-sleeved formal gown is always interesting.
What on earth could be more dramatic than wearing head-to-toe McQueen from his final collection? Only a diva in the truest sense of the word can get away with that. She’s posing like she knows she’s winning Video of the Year – I mean, it’s not like anything can even compare to “Bad Romance” – and the fact that she can walk in those twelve inch – yes, TWELVE inch – heels is simply astounding. And honestly? It’s not that insane, for Gaga. It has an element of wearability that many of her outfits lack. I mean, she’s still wearing a mohawk made of feathers, but at least you can see her face.
It took her ten minutes to get on the stage in this, but from what I can see, it’s gorgeous and dramatic, like the Lady herself.
And here is the infamous meat dress, which everyone found shocking because they didn’t see the meat outfit she wore on a magazine cover last week. And yes, friends, this is actually raw meat. I actually think the shoes and hat are awesome. The dress, well, just looks like meat. I know that’s the point, but it could have a little more design to it. (I say this having never tried to sew meat together before, so forgive me for my ignorance.) And there’s something so glamorous about raw meat accessorized with a shitload of diamonds. This is the extreme version of gritty-meets-pretty. Or gritty-meats-pretty, I suppose.
And whether you love or hate this, or it just makes you hungry or nauseous, you can’t deny that Gaga saying, “I never thought I’d be asking Cher to hold my meat purse!” is probably the funniest thing in VMAs history.
Project Runway recap will be up tomorrow! Check back later for that post and your weekly fashion recap.
American Royalty: Wedding Edition
Unless you’re living under a rock, you must be aware that former First Daughter Chelsea Clinton got married this week. The bride wore a truly incredible Vera Wang bridal gown, and Hilary dazzled in fuchsia Oscar de la Renta. No complaints from this Diva – just a heartfelt ‘mazel tov’ to the bride and groom and their well-dressed family.
British bombshell alert! Emily Blunt sizzled on the September cover of Elle in pink satin and black lace. She’s the perfect combination of classy and sexy. I’ve loved her since The Devil Wears Prada, and I can’t get over how killer her legs look in those delectable black lace tights.
Drab in Denim
Oh, good. Pale, borderline acid-washed denim is back in. Because nothing says “I’m a wannabe extra in a Paula Abdul video” like a denim vest or high-waisted denim cropped pants.
High Fashion Hipster
Gwen wore this fabulous polka-dotted gown to a friend’s wedding, mastering the art of going funky and formal. It’s not easy to keep the fanciness in the picture when trying to dress with a bit of an alternative flair, but it’s an art Ms. Stefani has mastered. Who says polka dots are just for retro and casual wear? But what’s even more difficult is standing out in a crowd while not overshadowing the bride (or whoever is the center of attention at that particular formal affair). Although Gwen is unforgettable in this hipster-glam gown, she’s not begging for the spotlight. And that gets my respect.
Dressed to Win
Tom & Lorenzo were right – Lea Michele is going to pull out the big guns on every red carpet, no matter how insignificant, from now till the Emmys. She’s campaigning hard for the Emmy for best actress in a comedy series AND the role of Fanny Bryce in the upcoming Broadway revival of Funny Girl. And here she is, looking radiant as usual. I’m happy to see her back to her classic smile – lately, she’s been seeming so serious on the red carpet, trying to look interesting and fashionable instead of happy. And I like the more natural makeup and hair – again, it makes her seem friendlier and more approachable. But let’s not ignore the fierceness of that beautiful Valli gown. It fits her like a dream, and makes this very petite girl seem long and lean. I wish she’d worn a necklace, but she still absolutely glows.
Worst of the Week
Kesha, sweetie, this is exactly why you should look in a mirror after blowing the cast of Avatar in the limo.
Also, ten bucks says Kesha will be admitted to rehab before Lindsay Lohan gets released.