Let’s finish up this shit-show of an Academy Awards, dear.
Welcome to the gayest night in television since the Season 2 Finale of Glee – THE 2011 TONY AWARDS!
What did your favorite and least favorite celebs wear to ring in the new year? A whole lot of trash, from the looks of it! Let’s dive into this hot mess and start ripping some skinny bitches apart.
Because you can’t get enough celebrity fashion – enjoy Part II of The Month in Celebrity Fashion!
Lady Gaga once had an excellently absurd quote that she was afraid to have sex with men because she feared her creativity would escape out of her vagina. Well, Gaga, I guess you’ve solved that problem!
Whoa, MObama! This is the best the First Lady has looked in quite awhile. I absolutely love this gown and I think it was the perfect choice for the always fabulous Michelle Obama. They really do make a beautiful couple.
Speaking of beautiful couples, here’s the official engagement photos of Prince Will and No-Longer-Waity Katie. I’m still drooling over the fact that this girl gets to wear Princess Di’s ring. She’s absolutely stunning, and looks like the pretty princess she soon will be in this inexpensive white Issa dress.
Who wears a lab coat to the Burlesque premiere? Unless this is an homage to Brad and Janet’s lab coats in Rocky Horror, this is unacceptable to wear to such a dragtastic movie premiere. Cher’s 60 years old and still wore nothing (see below). Kristen, live a little. Wear a corset.
Like Christina Aguilera, Gwen Stefani seems to turn into a drag version of herself as she ages. This look is a little much, even for Gwen. She looks like a coked-out Disney princess.
Claire Dunphy is totally smokin’. It’s easy to forget this when she often shares the screen with Sofia Vergara’s breasts, but Julie Bowen is a total goddess. I’m not sure why there was a red carpet for the final broadcast of Larry King Live, but she’s nailing it.
Remember this girl? She’s kind of in nothing and everything. You might recognize her from Gilmore Girls, Gap ads, random rom-coms, and the like. But I always thought she looks like Anne Hathaway’s less-beautiful sister, which I sort of dug. Anyway, this actually looks really beautiful on her porcelain skin. I actually think I own a Forever 21 dress with a knockoff of this print on it. Anyway, she may be a Z list celebrity, but if she keeps dressing like this, I think I could accept her actually becoming a person.
Emma Stone is blonde, and I’m not happy. I know it’s for a role, but when fellow firecrotch Lindsay Lohan went blonde, she looked like shit and proved definitively that other than Nicole Kidman, natural redheads should not go blonde. Now Emma Stone just looks like a much healthier version of LiLo. Anyway, the dress is sort of cute. A little craftsy, Tim Gunn might say it looks like student work, but she’s working it.
When are they making him a full-time Glee cast member? This kid is unstoppably adorable.
And in case that photo isn’t gay enough for you…
The three cutest gays on television, promoting a great cause. What could be better?
Anna Kendrick loves her skin-tone dresses, and I’m sick of it. I’m not loving the way the strap forms a sort of sling around her boob. This is just so pale and washed-out. Bring a little joy into the wardrobe, Anna.
For me, this is the glammed-up version of Anna Kendrick’s dress. Same concept, with the cream color fading into grey, and it even keeps that sling-over-the-boobs idea, but this is so much more stylish. The black really adds some volume to the dress, and Christina’s hair and makeup have never looked better. Loving the glamorous bracelet and earrings, too.
Oh, good lord. I still don’t understand why people think she a) looks good in clothes or b) makes clothes that look good. This photo is proof that neither is true. I worry that her skin is just going to melt off her face (if she doesn’t die from starvation first).
I want to make a furry/Fergie pun, but they all sound awful, so I’ll spare you. Ferg, nix the spray tan and the green hairy coat. Your feet shouldn’t be a different color than your legs, and your coat shouldn’t be the same color as split pea soup.
This is why Rachel Bilson is my girl. She can take a little prairie dress and make it look trendy yet effortless. Do I spot little bows on the ankles of those shoes? If so, I WANT. And I’m glad the styling is minimal – nobody wants to look too dressed up for the Spike TV Video Game Awards.
All hail Cher, who can do whatever the fuck she wants, because she’s Cher. She looks like Florence Welch’s slutty, dramatic mother. She also looks phenomenal for her age.
Because who says you can’t wear a 100% see-through dress at 60?
I love Taylor Swift’s hair. It’s always been beautiful, but those very long blonde curls she rocked were very girly and immature. Now the hair is darker and redder and T-Swift is playing with fun lengths and styles, and she’s never looked better. Still gorgeous, but a more mature gorgeous.
A big “fuck you” to the Project Runway judges, because we’re all still in denial that Mondo lost to Gretchen. Jessica’s t-shirt is straight out of Mondo’s finale collection, and she’s rocking it with her shrunken blazer, giant purse, jeans, and boots. Perfect starlet-in-the-airport style, and the best this girl has looked in years.
The fabric is gorgeous, but could there be a less flattering silhouette? Joan looks downright dumpy, when she’s actually a fox. Just another case of a designer who can’t make clothes for real women.
Okay, Peggy, I get that you’re recently divorced and discovering how totally cute you are now that the Mad Men team has finally started letting you look attractive. But that’s no excuse for those hair extensions. Those need to go immediately. The dress is nice, but it’s another case of a pale girl getting washed out by her pale dress. I love the lace on the shoulder, though.
Betty Draper, eat a sandwich.
I’m obsessed. Great colors, perfect fall-winter transition, simple and lovely hair and makeup. Not a fan of the shoes, but I’d love to curl up in that fabulous peach sweater.
Say what you will about Nikki Grant, but at least the girl wears pants. Seriously, Chloe, I love shirts as dresses as much as the next girl, but this is dumb. And you’re ruining a totally cute shirt.
Apparently Joel Madden and Nicole Richie weren’t married already, which I totally did not know. And apparently they did get married, or have one of their wedding ceremonies, or something like that. Anyway, this is one of her wedding dresses, and I think it’s phenomenal. I’m so glad it’s not a saggy-silky flapper dress like she and Rachel Zoe tend to wear. I love the long-sleeved lace, how tight it is on her teeny little frame, and the giant skirt that only works on a woman as skinny as a model. It’s a truly fabulous dress.
© Democracy Diva, 2010.
Grab your leopard-print snuggie and a bottle of wine, bitches, ’cause this could take awhile.
I’ve been trying for days to like this dress, and I just can’t. It just looks like melted-down solo cups. The texture is horrible, and those cones on her boobs are absurd. That blue might be one of the best colors I’ve ever seen on the red carpet, particularly with January’s coloring, but even that can’t save this hot disaster. And that hair? If you want to have sex in the limo on the way to the Emmys, more power to you. But that does not give you license to have sex hair on the red carpet. Your all-American beauty looks will only take you so far, January. They may get you an Emmy nomination, but you won’t get this Diva’s approval until you learn how to dress.
My sister Haley brought up an intriguing question to me today: Does Christina Hendricks have an unusually small head? Or, as I posited, is it merely that any head would look tiny atop those giant hooters? Just something to think about. Regardless of the answer, Hendricks is rocking this dress. Totally unusual color, and it complements her hair beautifully. Redheads always rock green and purple outfits, and Miss Joan is no exception. Loving how this dress cinches her waist, shows off her ta-tas without looking vulgar, and then gets all soft and billowy and feathery at the bottom. I think there’s a little too much length at the bottom, but it’s a small complaint. And the sleeves are to die for.
Beautiful, simple, and classic, just like Elisabeth Moss herself. The draping is incredible, the color makes her glow, the shoulder piece adds a little intrigue, and I even like the train (and I hate trains). The bling is AMAZING – those bracelets are seriously opulent – and nothing’s better than that sassy little smile.
You can take your Bettys and Joans and Peggys, but Sally Draper is the real deal. That dress is precious, the hair is awesome, and my ten-year-old self would have killed for those little tiny high heels. Also, her name is Kiernan Shipka, which is awesome.
It’d be fine without the awkward stripe down the middle. It’s a perfect cut and color for her, but I wish it had some more intrigue and complexity other than the stripe, which is just not particularly beautiful. But the hair is amazing.
This just has too much going on. Less is more, people, and those ruffles over her boobs are just masking Julie’s beauty. This bitch doesn’t age, and has the hair and skin of a freakin’ newborn, but I look at this photo and I only see fabric, not the fabulous woman underneath it.
This is incredibly mature (but not aging) for someone as young as Sarah Hyland, who plays Claire and Phil’s oldest daughter on Modern Family. And she is rocking the hell out of this dress. The fabric is so luxe, it looks like liquid. It also makes her look about six feet tall and totally stacked. The braided/twisted straps are a dream, and the hair is perfect. I hope she doesn’t end up doing crack in five years.
And our favorite middle child is also nailing something chic beyond her years. I could do without the Bat Mitzvah hair and the embroidery on the bodice, but I’m loving the black-on-blue skirt and the funky, stylistic draping.
Easily the best dressed of the night, Claire Danes proves that simplicity is the name of the game. This dress is phenomenal and it fits her like a glove. I love that the color is just a sparkling version of her own skin tone. I may prefer her with bottled-red hair and flannel shirts, but I will always love Angela Chase.
Gleeks Gone Glam
Hello, gorgeous! This was my other favorite gown of the night. Not every designer can take a 5’2″ girl and make her look statuesque, but of course Oscar can! The color is amazing, the gown is divalicious, her jewelry is awesome (I bet we’re going to see knockoffs of that necklace EVERYWHERE), and this bitch knows how to POSE. The hair could have been a little more formal, but that’s my only complaint.
Jayma’s beautiful, but this dress is Lea’s dress’s less hot little sister. The jewelry is tacky and her hair is a mess.
The cutest little queer on two legs. LOVING the treble clef pin on his lapel!
Work it out, Quinn! Black and pink lace together is one of my favorite things on the planet, especially in formal wear. Gorgeous dress with perfect hair and makeup to boot. But she does look a little sad, especially for a ridiculously hot girl on a hit Emmy-nominated TV show. Maybe she’s sad because she’s secretly in love with Matt Morrison, who is over her right shoulder, staring at her shoes instead of her ass. He’s a closet case, honey. Move on.
Brittany pulled out all the stops, rocking some serious old-school Hollywood glam. Very impressive for such a red carpet newbie! The makeup artist was a little heavy-handed, but the hair is flawless.
If you took Cha Cha DiGregorio from Grease and added a Lady Gaga wig, you’d get this photo. Seriously, Naya, we all like to play dress-up, but this is your first Emmy red carpet. Is this how you really want to be remembered? In a slutty 80s prom dress, boring shoes, and a hairstyle so stupid even Rihanna hates it?
Funny and Fabulous
Holy couture! Kathy Griffin’s body has never looked better, and it takes a confident bitch to rock Oscar with that much certainty. Get it, girl.
Amy Poehler gave birth THREE WEEKS AGO and already looks this good. We should all be so lucky. The color is gorgeous, her tits look amazing, and she’s allegedly wearing half a million dollars worth of Stephen Russell jewelry, though I can’t really see much of it.
I could do without the hieroglyphic print, but for a woman who never looks comfortable in a dress, Tina is posing the hell out of this Oscar gown. It’s incredibly flattering to her figure, and it’s much funkier and fancier than she usually goes. It’s curve-hugging but not tight, and the hair and makeup are looking beautiful. Kudos to Ms. Fey for taking a fashion risk and finally having it pay off.
Funny and Feh
I think Elvira wore this to her high school prom. The shoes are cute, but that hair is much funnier than this season of The Office and this haphazardly-draped crinoline disaster is no better. And a petite girl should know better than to wear a dress with such wacky proportions that ends in the middle of the calf. Unless you’re a supermodel, that’s going to make you look stumpy.
Awful print, stupid belt, poorly fit, and stupid shoulder ruffles. Plus I don’t like the hair or makeup, and the purse is too busy. Fire your stylist, Kristen.
New Diva on the Block Award
Last I checked, Nina Dobrev was just another teen mom on Degrassi, and then she was just another teen vampire on Vampire Diaries, and then suddenly she was KILLING IT on the red carpet and performing in the epic Emmys opening number alongside the Glee cast, Tina Fey, Jon Hamm, Betty White, and the rest of TV’s elite. I can’t even believe how stunning she looks. The dress is borderline bridal, but it’s exquisite. The draping at the top is actually breathtaking. The hair is classy and glamorous, and those earrings were the perfect choice. Keep it up, Nina! Looking forward to seeing what else you’ve got.
NPH’s suit is beyond chic. It seems men fall into two categories: basic boring suit/tux, or trying and failing to spice it up. Neil Patrick Harris, of course, is classy and stylish enough to pull off a funky suit and just look even more dashing. And David looks adorable, as always.
Oh, lord. A potato sack on top, a magician’s slutty assistant on the bottom, fugly shoes, and way too much jewelry. And that hair? Unless you’re in bed with a pint of Ben & Jerrys, that mess is inexcusable.
Nope. No. Just… no. Your puke-colored, flowered and rhinestoned dress should not have love handle cutouts.
What part of wearing a purple hairy tiered gown appealed to Emily? Because I think she needs to seek mental help.
Sometimes I forget my pants in the limo too, Steph. It happens.
Lo Bosworth thought she was dressing like Mad Men here. She didn’t get the memo that a dress that looks amazing on a 1960s secretary in an office does not necessarily look awesome on a 2010 red carpet. She looks like she’s off to a business lunch, not an awards show. And that skirt should be about four inches shorter. The shoes don’t go, she’s wearing a stupidly large number of rings, and the hair is so bad, it’s almost funny.
For the love of God, just go be with your children and leave us all alone.
I love a girl who’s loyal to a designer, especially McQueen, but there’s a time and a place, and this ain’t it. The armored top looks insane, and the skirt is totally wrong. Way too many bracelets, and no hair style to speak of.
We get it, Heidi. You like short dresses. But you’re also not 18 and while I’d never tell a woman who looks as good as you that she needs to cover up, this shtick is getting a little tired. It’s not that you’re too old to wear dresses that show your cooter – it’s that your vagina must be tired of all the attention, because we’re tired of seeing her. And is your hair in a flip? The same style that all the boys in my middle school were rocking circa 2001? Because it didn’t work on them, and it sure as hell doesn’t work on you.
Later this week: Your weekly fashion recap (cover all things non-Emmys, from red carpet to editorials and more) and of course, your weekly Project Runway recap! Follow @democracydiva on twitter for updates.