Welcome to the Teen Choice Awards! With the exception of a few fabulous starlets, looking tacky or boring is practically mandatory.
BLAKE LIVELY // dress by Gucci, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Well, there were slim pickings out there, but Blake proved to us again that a leggy blonde in a bright, fun dress is an automatic winner. This yellow leather dress is chic and flattering, fun and flirty. Love the skinny belt, and love the general appropriateness of the outfit, considering Blake is not known for her modest wardrobe. I’d never have paired animal print shoes with this dress, but I don’t dislike it. It keeps things interesting.
EMMA STONE // dress by Christian Dior, shoes by Lanvin
There’s just a few too many strips of fabric happening here, making her look a little like she ran out of a fabric store during a fire, but I can’t say I don’t like it. The shoes are great, the colors are fantastic on her, and her hair and makeup look natural and beautiful.
YUM. Also, perfect TCA outfit – a gorgeous blazer, a crisp shirt and tie (to show that you have some semblance of respect for this totally fake awards show), but paired with jeans (to show that you don’t take things too seriously).
CAT DEELEY // dress by Matthew Williamson
Poor Cat – if it weren’t for the fact that she matches the TCA backdrop, she’d look fabulous in this lace aqua dress. It’s sexy, the color is unique and interesting, and she looks like she’s having a blast.
LUCY HALE // dress by Cengiz Abazoglu
A little slutty, but at least she’s putting an effort in. Less squiggles and cut-outs and she’d look quite chic.
FERGIE // dress by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Honey. GET THOSE ROOTS TAKEN CARE OF. What is the point of subjecting all of us to your shitty, SHITTY music for the last decade if not to spend the millions you’ve made on better highlights?
Raven’s been running around the last few red carpets with her ta-tas hanging out, which makes me feel both old and sad, so I’m relieved to see her in this admittedly boring get-up. I’m not sure if she’s wearing a scarf, elaborate earrings, or just dyed some of her hair green, but I wish she looked a little more red-carpet and a little less paralegal.
CAMERON DIAZ // dress by A.L.C., purse by Chloé, shoes by Burak Uyan
This dress has no redeeming qualities whatsoever – the cut, color, and design are as unimaginative as possible – but at least she fucking KILLED it with the accessories. That purse is divine, and those shoes are worthy of a closer look:
Kudos, Cam. You’re not best dressed, but you might be best accessorized.
RACHEL BILSON // dress by Chloé, shoes by Brian Atwood
Rachel disappointed me here. The dress is a little too immature and not nearly interesting enough for her usually hipster-chic style. And those shoes just look like they belong to a totally different woman than the one who’d wear this little prairie dress.
I dig the sentiment, but Ron Weasley has been wearing that same pair of trainers to every red carpet since the Deathly Hallows premiere, and I am OVER IT. Wear real shoes, Ronald. It won’t kill you. (Nice blazer, though.)
Bahahahahaha. What a fucking idiot. I’m sorry, but the stubble, the cuffs popping out from his cheap-looking leather jacket, the multiple bracelets, those horrible boots, and orange pants? He looks like a douchebag.
AVRIL LAVIGNE // dress by Abbey Dawn
Boring dress; interesting shoes (but not necessarily in the good way). Also, Avril’s frozen face is living proof that you should not bargain-hunt for plastic surgery.
SELENA GOMEZ // dress by Erin Fetherston, purse by Matthew Campbell Laurenza, shoes by Brian Atwood
NO. We do NOT attach a few extra yards of fabric to our strapless party dresses for no apparent reason. BAD STARLET!
Oh my God, either wear the fucking bowtie, or throw it out the limo window, Justin.
TYRA BANKS // jumpsuit by Thierry Mugler
Her nails and toenails are yellow – and that’s probably the LEAST disgusting thing about this outfit. Honey, nobody is wearing skintight leather jumpsuits anymore. Even Britney and Shania and Sandy from Grease have figured out by now that this looks like shit on basically everyone. You can SMIZE your heart out, but it ain’t saving this outfit.
Check back soon for Part 2, featuring more D-listers, tweens, and tacky dressers!