Happy Sunday, dear readers! Cuddle up on your couch and grab your coffee, because we’ve got a lot of judging to do.
HAILEE STEINFELD at the Artios Awards in Beverly Hills // dress by Maje, purse by Edie Parker
Regular readers of the blog will know that I have so much love in my heart for little Hailee Steinfeld. She’s a precocious fourteen-year-old Academy Award nominee with a knack for wearing interesting but age-appropriate fashion who didn’t change her last name to something less Jewish-sounding like the rest of Hollywood! (That’s right, Lea Michele Sarfati, I’m talking to you.) Her makeup here is fresh-faced and lovely. The hair is a little messy, but in an endearing way, because she’s fourteen. I’d never personally wear sleeves like that, but that doesn’t mean she’s not working the shit out of them. Love the purse, and the leopard-print booties are fun. So many starlets struggle with the appropriate proportions of skirt length and ankle-bootie height, but Hailee has mastered it.
CHLOE MORETZ at the Los Angeles premiere of Cirque du Soleil’s Iris // leggings by Stella McCartney
The girl ready to unseat Hailee Steinfeld is Chloe Moretz, also fourteen years old, and also ridiculously fabulous. Chloe’s style is more mature than Hailee’s, but Chloe sometimes borders on age-inappropriate. However, I am ALLLLLL about what she’s wearing here. Lace and other textured leggings are totally happening, and these are a truly stunning pair. That bright yellow is also all over the Spring 2012 runways, and I am obsessed with the fit of these leggings on Chloe. Pairing it with a simple black top and a fucking awesome motorcycle jacket? Genius. And those shoes are absolutely stunning. My favorite part? The barely-there makeup and laid-back hair style. If she’d done more than that, she’d have looked twice her age. But this keeps her looking young, modern, and impeccably well-dressed.
TYRA BANKS at the Metropolitan Opera opening night gala // gown by Roberto Cavalli
In comparison to Tyra’s usual get-ups, this is by far the nicest thing I’ve ever seen. But leave it to Tyra to destroy a beautiful gown with trash-tastic styling. Is her hair supposed to looked like she ran directly from her shower to this event, applying her eyeliner as she jogged through Manhattan? And I’m sorry, but those earrings are disgusting, and the gold purse is tacky.
ANNA FARIS at a screening of What’s Your Number? in New York // dress by Moschino, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Look familiar? Lady Gaga wore this dress last week! Anna doesn’t wear it quite as well – mainly because of that awful hair, which doesn’t suit her in color or style – but it’s a perfect little black dress on anybody. The shoes are mega-gorgeous, a perfect attention-grabbing accessory to an otherwise plain outfit. But her lack of jewelry is regrettable. This SO calls out for bling.
LEELEE SOBIESKI at the Metropolitan Opera opening night gala // dress by Mary Katrantzou
It’s bad enough that hipsters have destroyed previously-cool neighborhoods in cities all over the country – do they really have to start ruining the red carpet too? I’m sorry, but shadowing your eyes with purple to make yourself look addicted to heroin is not something I want to see at the fucking Metropolitan Opera gala. Oh, and Nick Carter circa 1998 called – he wants his hairstyle back. I could appreciate this dress if it weren’t worn in such a fuck-you attitude kind of way, but I just want to laugh at the douchebag who picked the dress with a giant fishbowl on it. And honey, if you really feel as miserable as you look, you can spare us your presence on the red carpet entirely. (But I loved you in Never Been Kissed.)
MICHELLE OBAMA at the Congressional Black Caucus Foundation dinner // belt by Peter Sorenen
Someone’s stress diet is working like a charm! Seriously, has MObama’s waist ever looked tinier? She’s working the hell out of that cinched waist and that glamorous, glittering skirt. Love the bangles and the necklace, and her hair is a great length. Hope she keeps it that way.
HEIDI KLUM at the Mondrian hotel in Los Angeles // dress by Thomas Wylde, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
I’m too frustrated with the Project Runway judges to overly compliment this look, but put Heidi in skin-tight animal print, and you basically have a winner. Relieved that this dress is long-sleeved and knee-length, because a teeny-tiny version of this would have been more Snooki than Heidi. Love, love, love the shoes.
SALMA HAYEK at a Puss in Boots photo call in Russia
I don’t particularly like the design of that dress, but it’s a cute shape. I wish she’d worn it without the black stockings and black boots – it’s a bit too superhero costume-y for me.
SALMA HAYEK at Paris Fashion Week
What a trooper – an ankle injury and she’s still in mega-platforms. I love that orange rusty color of her dress, but I don’t think the fit is particularly nice. The purse is gorgeous, but it’s too matchy with the dress.
KIRSTEN DUNST at the Melancholia premiere in London // dress by Honor, shoes by Nicholas Kirkwood
This is SO her dress. I’m torn on the shoes – I can’t decide whether that blue is so wrong it’s right, or just plain wrong. But these girly little dresses are usually great on her porcelain skin, and I’m glad she added those earrings for some extra bling.
ANNA WINTOUR at the opening of the Gucci Museum in Florence, Italy
We all bow down to you, Anna, you and your printed knee-length short-sleeved dresses, your impeccable bob, your never-ending supply of ridiculously beautiful necklaces, and your sensible kitten heels.
ANNA KENDRICK at the New York premiere of 50/50 // dress by Georges Hobeika, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Christian Louboutin
She just loves her pinkish-nude, ivory-nude, and lilac-nude dresses, doesn’t she? It’s a little tired at this point. This is just a little too precious for me, especially with the gold prom shoes and that random-ass purse.
JENNIFER ANISTON at a screening of Five in New York // suit by Dolce & Gabbana
I find it incredibly difficult to care about someone this boring, no matter how famous she is.Nice suit, but the pants are too long.
DEMI MOORE at a Five screening in New York // dress by Chanel, purse by Roger Vivier, shoes by Christian Louboutin
This woman has become comically tall, thin, and plastic-looking. But goddamn, do I love that Chanel dress. The styling is low-key but appropriate for a dress with some pizazz.
ALICIA KEYS at a Five screening in New York
Hair is atrocious, jacket looks ridiculous, skirt is an awful length, shoes are hideous. Come over to the good side, Alicia, and hire a stylist. You won’t regret it.
ALEXA CHUNG at a Vogue Eyewear event in New York // dress by Mary Katrantzou, purse by Chanel, shoes by 3.1 Phillip Lim
My inner bitch is still grumbling about hipsters, but at least this dress is decent. The print is a little much for me, but at least the shape shows some understanding of a woman’s body, unlike most of what Alexa wears. The shoes are fine, but that girl carries her Chanel quilted purse with her EVERYWHERE. I mean, I would too, but not if I had every other bag in the world at my disposal. I’m too tired of criticizing her mental patient hair to even go there, but just know in your soul that I hate it.
EVAN RACHEL WOOD at the Los Angeles premiere of Ides of March // suit by Yves Saint Laurent, purse and shoes by Salvatore Ferragamo
First of all, that hairstyle is a comb-over. You can try and deny it, but that’s exactly what it is, and it looks as bad on her as it did on Rudy, the Borscht Belt singer who performed at the clubhouse in my grandparents’ bungalow colony in upstate New York. That amount of eyeliner should be reserved for Halloween and Halloween only. A helpful hint: if your eyeliner is bigger than your eyes, you’ve gone too far. Furthermore, you cannot mask the fact that you are wearing a bustier in public with a bunch of necklaces. Sorry, but it’s true. And while I know those pants fit beautifully on the model wearing them in the runway show, they are really, really not made for this woman. They make her look so much shorter and wider than she really is. And those shoes that look like they’ve been dipped in white paint are become a trend, and I really don’t like it.
KATE MARA at the Los Angeles premiere of Ides of March // dress, purse and shoes by Prada
Great hair, good makeup, nice dress, cool purse, boring shoes. But as a whole, all those different shades of browns and golds she’s wearing – they match her hair so beautifully that this look is WAY more chic than the sum of its parts.