It was a fabulous week on the red carpet, dear readers.
LADY GAGA at the Bambi Awards in Germany // gown by Alexander McQueen
Is commentary even required? It’s Lady Gaga in head-to-toe McQueen. It would be impossible for me not to love this look. Gaga was born for gowns like this.
GWYNETH PALTROW at the Bambi Awards in Germany // gown by Elie Saab
This exact gown was my Spring 2012 red carpet prediction for Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, but Gwyneth might be the better woman for it. I usually embrace any opportunity to mock the one-woman absurdity that is Gwyneth Paltrow, but you really can’t go wrong with a gown this beautiful. I usually hate dresses that emphasize the sternum – like, of all places, why do we want the eye directed at gap between/below the boobs? But I suppose that’s more of a concern for human women, rather than Gwyneth.
ZOE SALDANA at the Latin Grammys // gown by Elie Saab, purse by Bottega Veneta
More green, sparkling Elie Saab gowns! That’s how you know it’s a good red carpet week, darling. This shade of green is even more stunning, especially with Zoe’s coloring. I think it could fit her a little better – it seems sort of baggy around the waist – and I wish there was a blinging bracelet visible (though there might be one on the wrist hidden behind her). But overall, a beautiful look.
SOFIA VERGARA at the Latin Grammys // gown by Reem Acra
I have to accept the fact that Sofia and I will never have similar tastes. Most of her looks are too tight, too busty, over-the-top, and mermaid-esque, which I hate. But she managed to tone down the sex and pump up the class a little bit, and the result is a look I actually enjoy! She’s positively glowing in this gown, which fits her like a dream and support her ta-tas without making them the only thing you’re able to look at. (Unless you’re a straight guy, but let’s be real, there’s only like two of you reading this blog anyway.) The details on the gown are beautiful, expensive-looking, and incredibly flattering to her figure – I mean, she’s a curvy woman, but her waist looks itsy-bitsy! The purse is too bridal, but I’m proud of Sofia for breaking out of her Latin bombshell box into something a little more surprising.
DEMI LOVATO at the Latin Grammys // gown by Roland Mouret
Okay, emphasizing the sternum might work on Gwyneth Paltrow, because she’s basically a robot Grace Kelly. But even though Demi’s beautiful, I can’t support this super plunging neckline on her. The color of this dress is exquisite, and would look fantastic on her if her hair and lipstick weren’t such awful colors. But this dress doesn’t even come close to fitting her. The sleeves are too long, there’s a pool of extra fabric drooping sadly around her feet, and the proportions are all a mess. Furthermore, the black thick-strapped platform sandals were an awful choice for this dress, as was the black nail polish. I appreciate that Demi tried something new, but she needs to try it in her size and style it better in order for it to really work.
SHAKIRA at the Latin Grammys
This gown has Latin Grammys written all over it, but Shakira’s hair, skin and dress are all the same color, which is kind of a major no-no for me. And that hair looks like she got caught in a windstorm on the way to the event. Furthermore, that train is a sad little disaster. But unfortunately, this wasn’t even close to Shakira’s worst fashion faux pax of the week:
SHAKIRA in Las Vegas
NO. I hate to keep making the Project Runway comparisons, but for God’s sake, I can see threads hanging off that hemline. Unless the designer of this dress is an exotic beauty queen with a sex tape, that’s completely unacceptable. Not to mention that awful combination of yellow and blue, which doesn’t work on anyone, but particularly not on Shakira’s coloring. The necklace thing, which appears to be holding the dress together, is beyond hideous. The cut-outs are as unflattering as can be, and the hair? Good lord, woman, pull yourself together.
CATHERINE, DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE at a gala in London // gown by Jenny Packham
Oh, Duchess. I just love the crap out of you. When my eyes start to bleed after outfits like Shakira’s, it’s so refreshing to see a beautiful princess in a simple but stunning gown. I mean, when you’re a model-thin girl-next-door type who also happens to be a princess with the shiniest hair in the world, it’s hard not to look beautiful. And when you’re wearing Princess Diana’s ring, everything looks good. But this icy gray color is so beautiful on her, and the softness of the draping is perfect. Kudos, Princess.
EMMA STONE at the Museum of Natural History gala // gown by Carven
Emma Stone: Debunking the myth that gingers can’t wear red-orange. She’s absolutely glowing in this phenomenal color, even if the purse is a distractingly large.
KRISTEN WIIG in New York City
Work it out, Kristen! She’s one of my favorite women alive, and she’s so funny that she manages to make you forget how insanely beautiful she is. I don’t know who designed this black number, but it’s beautiful on her, if a little overwhelmingly dark and heavy. The necklace is really what makes the whole look work – it’s absolutely fantastic.
MAGGIE GYLLENHAAL in Milan // gown by Giorgio Armani
Probably my favorite thing Maggie’s worn in awhile, which isn’t saying much. I wish that scarf/shawl were a few feet shorter, and I wish the dress didn’t look like it were made of aluminum foil and garbage bags. But the bubble hem on this gown is kind of stupendous. However, this dress begs the question: Is Maggie Gyllenhaal like seven months pregnant? If not, what’s happening here?
CARRIE UNDERWOOD at the CMA Awards // gown by Reem Acra, purse by Jimmy Choo
Beautiful, but the purse pushes it into bridesmaid territory. And you know how I feel about this hair matching the skin matching the dress matching the purse business.
TAYLOR SWIFT at the CMA Awards // gown by J. Mendel
Okay, I have to give myself props – this is so close to the gown I predicted she’d wear in my Resort 2012 red carpet predictions. Check it:
Pretty close, right? Just wanted to brag. Oh, and Taylor looks beautiful, if almost painfully virginal. No one bores me more than T.Swift, but I’d be lying if I said that dress wasn’t made for her.
FAITH HILL at the CMA Awards // gown by Chado Ralph Rucci
I don’t care if it’s the country music awards – that hair should not be acceptable at any time or place.
LEANN RIMES at the CMA awards // gown by Badgley Mischka
I guess if you’re going for the “best dressed saloon whore in the whole wild west” aesthetic, the CMA Awards are the place to do it.
GINNIFER GOODWIN at the CMA Awards // dress by Prabal Gurung
Cute, but she’s clearly a fish out of water here.
NICOLE KIDMAN at the CMA Awards // dress by Jean Paul Gaultier
Awful hair and terrible styling, but the dress is lovely.
NICOLE KIDMAN at the BMI Country Awards // gown by Stella McCartney
This is actually difficult for me to look at. I’m not sure I’ve seen an uglier print, used in an uglier way. This is just ten different kids of hot disasters rolled into one mega-ugly look.
JESSICA ALBA in Milan // dress by Armani Privé
I’m not sure I’ve ever said this about Jessica Alba, who I find more boring than oatmeal, but WORK IT, GIRL! This dress is fascinating and mega-flattering, totally chic and modern and beautiful, and you styled it perfectly. Keep it up, darling!