The polls on this round have now closed, but tune in later today for Round 4!

EMMA STONE vs. CHLOË MORETZ

EMMA STONE: dress by Giambattista Valli, shoes by Christian Louboutin // CHLOË MORETZ: leggings by Stella McCartney
Emma: They said redheads can’t wear red, redheads can’t wear pink. I’m wearing BOTH, so bow down, bitches.

Chloë: I’m fifteen and I can rock yellow-and-black lace leggings. Beat that.

EMMA STONE: dress, purse, and shoes by Alexander McQueen // CHLOË MORETZ: dress by Versace for H&M, shoes by Versace
Emma: Aw, ain’t you just the cutest! Acting-wise, I might have been totally overshadowed by my ridiculously epic The Help costars during awards season, but no one can compete with my wardrobe.

Chloë: At your old age, it’s a wonder you survived the exhaustion of awards season?

EMMA STONE: gown and purse by Lanvin // CHLOË MORETZ: dress by Carven
Emma: Old age?! I’m twenty-three! You are an infant, and your duckface is really fucking annoying.

Chloë: Quack quack, bitch.

EMMA STONE: gown and shoes by Lanvin // CHLOË MORETZ: dress and shoes by Miu Miu
Emma: Fine, oh Tiny Pouty One. Feel the wrath of my neverending collection of beautiful Lanvin gowns.

Chloë: I. Do. Not. Pout. This is just how my face looks, okay?!

EMMA STONE: gown by Lanvin // CHLOË MORETZ: dress by Christopher Kane
Emma: Look, this is me doing an impression of your pout! See how silly you look, little girl?

Chloë: Who cleaned up Lindsay Lohan and put her in such a nice dress?

EMMA STONE: gown and shoes by Lanvin // CHLOË MORETZ: dress by Dolce & Gabbana
Emma: That was below the belt, kid. Any Lohan comparison is unnecessary. And besides, I’m actually a natural blonde, not a ginger!

Chloë: You might be a natural blonde, but that coked-out platinum color you chose was not going to work for you.

EMMA STONE: gown and purse by Giambattista Valli // CHLOË MORETZ: dress by Versace
text

Emma: FINE. Get out of my way while I rule the red carpet.

Chloë: Not without one last pout. I mean, um, pose. I don’t pout. I swear.

TAYLOR SWIFT vs. LEA MICHELE

TAYLOR SWIFT: dress by Tibi // LEA MICHELE: dress by Emilio Pucci, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Taylor: Howdy, world! I am 22-year-old 15-year-old pop country star who slept with John Mayer who is totally virginal, y’all! That’s what I’m supposed to say, right? Is it time for my fake surprised face yet?

Lea: I’m Lea Michele, but you probably know me better from the fact that my sternum is exposed and my skirt is short enough that I don’t have to change outfits before my gyno appontment!

TAYLOR SWIFT: dress by Emilio Pucci // LEA MICHELE: dress by Versace
Taylor: I have an excuse for short skirts, which I deploy strategically and rarely – I’m fucking 5’11! This hemline is where things fall on me! You’re 5’2, you probably cut that slit higher than it already was to flash some tiny thigh on purpose.

Lea: Wait, are you not supposed to tailor your garments so that they nearly expose your genitalia?

TAYLOR SWIFT: gown by Elie Saab // LEA MICHELE: dress by Marchesa, shoes by Jimmy Choo
Taylor: Whatever, lady. Just try and compete with my old Hollywood glamour.

Lea: This flapper dress weighs more than I do. It could take you down in a fight if it comes to that, Swifty.

TAYLOR SWIFT: gown by Reem Acra // LEA MICHELE: gown by Peter Som, shoes by Casadei
Taylor: Let’s just agree to agree that I am a pretty, pretty princess.

Lea: Snooze. How will people know you’re a celebrity if you don’t make sure every gown shows off your thighs?

TAYLOR SWIFT: gown by Reem Acra // LEA MICHELE: gown by Valentino
Taylor: Let’s just agree to wear glitter and identical poses.

Lea: Fine, but if I can’t have a vag-high slit, I need to show my sternum. Otherwise I might spontaneously combust.

TAYLOR SWIFT: gown by J. Mendel // LEA MICHELE: gown by Versace, purse by Fendi, shoes by Casadei
Taylor: Shut up and let me focus my bedroom eyes on the cameras.

Lea: What? I can’t hear you over the gasps in the crowd as the wind blows and exposes my hoo-ha.

TAYLOR SWIFT: gown by J. Mendel // LEA MICHELE: gown by Marchesa
Taylor: Give it up, Lea. You know deep down you want to steal this epic gown from me.

Lea: Keep your lace and frills – I’ll do just fine in red.

DITA VON TEESE vs. EVAN RACHEL WOOD

DITA VON TEESE: dress by Alexis Mabille // EVAN RACHEL WOOD: dress by Preen, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
Dita: Well, this is awkward. Let’s just say it – we’ve both had sex with Marilyn Manson. And no matter how vintage and demure we look… that will never stop being true.

Evan: Truth. Although I had the good sense to end things before the wedding actually happened. Love your purse, by the way.

DITA VON TEESE: gown by Tadashi Shoji // EVAN RACHEL WOOD: dress and shoes by Gucci
Dita: Oh, aren’t you darling. Perhaps we can be allies in vintage Hollywood glamour? Shotgun 1940s!

Evan: It’s all yours, dear. I’m thrilled to be in the 1920s with my fringed flapper dress and fingercurled bob.

DITA VON TEESE: gown by Hervé L. Leroux, purse by Christian Louboutin // EVAN RACHEL WOOD: gown by Alessandra Rich, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
Dita: Well, that was fun. But let’s just focus on the real stars of this round: my tits.

Evan: They are… there, all right. But look how handy these pockets are, for pulling my dress apart to flash some thigh to the cameras!

DITA VON TEESE: gown by Jenny Packham // EVAN RACHEL WOOD: gown by Alessandra Rich
Dita: Do you really think you can compete with my blue sequined gown?

Evan: I won’t dignify that with a response. I will simply flash some more thigh through my sheer skirt.

DITA VON TEESE: gown by Jean Paul Gaultier // EVAN RACHEL WOOD: gown by Alessandra Rich, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Dita: Let’s battle in our most dramatic black gowns, then, and see who’s the victor.

Evan: You’re wearing a cape and I’m giving Angelina Jolie leg. No contest.

DITA VON TEESE: gown by Jenny Packham // EVAN RACHEL WOOD: gown by Elie Saab, purse by Judith Leiber
Dita: Well, this gown has everything: Diamonds, drama, some inner side boob – what more could a girl want?

Evan: Black glitter.

DITA VON TEESE: gown by Alexis Mabille // EVAN RACHEL WOOD: gown by Gucci, purse by Judith Leiber
Dita: It’s been lovely knowing you, Evan. But I’m shutting this thing down with black velvet and pink cascading florals.

Evan: Three words: Green. Ombre. Feathers. And like a drag queen does with her wig at the end of the show, I am PULLING. IT. OFF.

ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY vs. EMMA ROBERTS

ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY: dress by MaxMara, shoes by Sergio Rossi // EMMA ROBERTS: dress by Chanel
Rosie: Here’s my story: I’m a Victoria’s Secret model-turned-Transformers-star, and I get to sleep with Jason Statham.

Emma: I’m Julia Roberts’s niece! Look how cute my smile is!

ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY: gown by Antonio Berardi, purse by Jimmy Choo // EMMA ROBERTS: dress by Marchesa, shoes by Brian Atwood

Rosie: Yes, fine, you’re adorable. But that can’t quite compete with my dramatic red gown, can it?

Emma: I’m in gray leopard print Marchesa, honey. I’m here to win.

ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY: gown by Michael Kors // EMMA ROBERTS: dress by Temperley London

Rosie: Fine. See if you can deal with my sheer-skirt-over-a-leotard.

Emma: Um, I can’t. I’d rather dress like a wedding cake.

ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY: gown by Burberry, shoes by Christian Louboutin // EMMA ROBERTS: dress by Elie Saab

Rosie: Oh, you’re still here? Fine. Here’s the double-whammy of a high slit and a plunging neckline! Deal with my sex appeal!

Emma: Lolz, I’m good. Actually, my Elie Saab dress is pretty fucking adorable.

ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY: gown by Antonio Berardi // EMMA ROBERTS: gown by Tibi

Rosie: Adorable’s the problem, isn’t it? Look at how sparkly my red gown is.

Emma: Listen, honey, if I wanted sparkle all over my body, I’d return Robert Pattinson’s phone calls, okay?

ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY: gown by Naeem Khan // EMMA ROBERTS: gown by Zac Posen
Rosie: Oh, you’re about to get SCHOOLED in sparklyness.

Emma: Bring it! I’ve got trendy cut-outs to defend me!

ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY: gown by Gucci // EMMA ROBERTS: gown by Michael Kors
Rosie: Well, if my gorgeous Gucci gown can’t cinch this thing, nothing can.

Emma: Never underestimate the power of a teensy waist, a well-placed cut-out, and Julia Roberts’s smile.

—
© Democracy Diva, 2012.
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