ZOE SALDANA in New York City // top, pants, purse, and shoes by Louis Vuitton
Leave it to Zoe Saldana to make this Sgt. Pepper thing look fashionable – I don’t know how she does it, but she does it impeccably. The perfect fit and proportions and the fabulous studded-tipped pumps are particularly impressive.
FLORENCE WELCH in London // gown by Gucci, purse by Bulgari
BOW DOWN, motherfuckers, because when Florence Welch wears Gucci, the earth stops spinning and the tides change and volcanos explode and shit. That’s how amazing she looks – so statuesque, in that stunning berry color, and that magnificent clutch was just the perfect choice.
ELIZABETH BANKS on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno // top and skirt by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Sergio Rossi
There’s a lot of women whose style I love, but no one has been as consistently stylish as Elizabeth Banks has been this year. She is just divine in her mixed-print Dolce & Gabbana dress, and I’m loving those ridiculous metallic shoes. Hair and makeup have never been better.
LADY GAGA in Brisbane, Australia // dress by David Koma, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Oh, if only we could all step off airplanes in purple platform Louboutins and peach bob wigs! I love that dark shiny purple color, the halter neckline, the black gloves, and the delicious sunglasses.
CHLOË MORETZ in Hollywood // dress by MaxMara
Little Miss Moretz nails it again, this time in a stunning aqua color that she was born to wear. The dress is a little grown-up, but th etwo-tone shoes and clean, fresh-faced styling keep her looking as young and adorable as she is.
EMMA STONE in Seoul // top and skirt by Burberry Prorsum, shoes by Brian Atwood
I’d love the shirt with a pair of jeans, but its loose, casual fit isn’t quite worthy of this stunningly beautiful navy skirt. And the Dorothy shoes are a little out of nowhere, but I’m still too busy drooling over that skirt to care.
EMMA STONE in Tokyo // dress by Rue du Mail, shoes by Salvatore Ferragamo
Once again, I find myself liking every part of the outfit, but together, I’m not sure it totally works. Obviously houndstooth Ferragamo pumps are God’s gift to womankind, and I know the black-and-white collar is supposed to match them, but it’s a little awkward and Halloween-y with that orange dress, don’t you think?
EMMA STONE in Tokyo // dress by Rochas, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Emma’s been on a whirlwind Spiderman press tour, and I guess this look proves every look can’t be a winner. Chocolate brown is really not her color, and this stuff, heavy, shiny fabric wouldn’t work on anyone. Add that hideous bubble skirt and a truly terrible fit, and even her super-cute Louboutins can’t save this awful dress.
FAN BINBING in Paris // dress and purse by Salvatore Ferragamo
Much less polished and put-together than most of Fan’s looks, but that’s almost refreshing, in an odd way. The top and skirt are exquisite and the jewelry is lovely, but those peep-toe pumps are killing me.
HAILEE STEINFELD at the Young Hollywood Awards // top and pants by Prabal Gurung, purse by Edie Parker
Keep coming out of the woodwork and reminding me why I love you, Hailee! Even though the fit on these pants isn’t great and they should be at least an inch shorter, I love this sort of disco pantsuit on Ms. Steinfeld. The floral top is lovely, and the gold accessories are tons of fun, and her Disney princess hair is as shiny and beautiful as ever.
KIERNAN SHIPKA at the Young Hollywood Awards // dress and shoes by Miu Miu
Sally Draper is basically my hero, and even though her topknot bun is a little silly, she obviously pulls it off effortlessly. She was also born to wear Miu Miu, as this precious little dress proves. The girly little shoes are too cute – I just want her on every red carpet so she can be my imaginary Barbie doll.
EVA LONGORIA in Monte Carlo // dress by Vivienne Westwood, shoes by Brian Atwood
Oh, it’s positively ridiculous, and makes Eva look like she thinks she’s some ungodly combination of Duchess Kate and Kim Kardashian. But the dress itself is quite beautiful, and this entire outfit on a woman who didn’t reek so much of desperation might actually look great.
EVA LONGORIA in Monte Carlo // dress by Versus, shoes by Brian Atwood
No. Get the fuck out of here with those hideous, giant-toed, baggy-strapped Barbie-meets-Pepto-Bismol pink platforms. They are disgusting, and I am offended that you would even make the public look at something so obscene.
SELENA GOMEZ in Hollywood // dress by Versace
The dress is cute and sweet, but I wish it were a bolder color. And those nude pointy pumps? Come on, Selena, you are so much more fabulous than that. Live a little! And don’t let your boyfriend have a more impressive shoe collection than you do!
FREIDA PINTO in Paris // dress, purse, and shoes by Salvatore Ferragamo
Cut off the sleeves and lose those awful pumps, and this might be worth discussing.
JAIME KING in New York City // dress by Peter Pilotto, shoes by Christian Louboutin
I want to like this dress, I really do, but that extra-wide skirt looks too ridiculous on her. Between that, the eight thousand mixed prints and pleats and seams, I just can’t take it seriously. And the shoes make no sense with this look whatsoever, even if they are pretty spectacular in their own right:
PENELOPE CRUZ in Los Angeles // gown by Michael Kors, purse by Roger Vivier
I dig the double ankle-strap on the shoes, and what I think might be a two-toned platform. Virtually everything else about this is as ordinary as ordinary gets. That boring sparkly nude color, the high slit, the one shoulder, the skinny belt, the draping, the gold boxy clutch – I mean, I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many predictable things at once.
ASHLEY GREENE at the Young Hollywood Awards // top and pants by Donna Karan
Jeez. You’d think being the face of Donna Karan would at least entitle you to some nice Donna Karan clothes, not just some half-assed sparkly jumpsuit and basic peep-toe pumps. Ashley, you might want to consider amending your DKNY contract and specify that you want clothes that actually look good on you.
KATY PERRY in Los Angeles // vintage dress by Nolan Miller, shoes by Manolo Blahnik
I have been to many theme parties in my life, and I have never seen a more pathetic homage to the 1920s. Katy should be ashamed of herself. First of all, a nightie is not a dress – certainly not when you’re a D cup and refuse to wear a fucking bra. Adding those cheap fake pearls – I mean, surely she can afford ones that at least look real, right? – and a fucking feather in lieu of a purse adds insult to injury. Every flapper who ever lived is rolling over in her grave, Katy.
SOLANGE KNOWLES in New York City // dress by Stella McCartney
I will now say what all of us are thinking: FUCK THESE SWIRLY PAISLEY STELLA MCCARTNEY DRESSES. I can’t BELIEVE people are still wearing them – they have always been hideous, they will always be hideous, and literally dozens of starlets have proven that on the red carpet, time and time again. I’d cite examples, but honestly, you’re better off not subjecting your eyes to any more reincarnations of this nightmare.