Welcome back to your regularly scheduled bitching hour!

ELIZABETH BANKS at the Los Angeles Film Festival // dress by J. Mendel, purse by Lena Erziak, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

I can hear a chorus of fabulously-dressed angels singing “Hallelujah!” in response to yet another delicious metallic look from Elizabeth Banks. The hair is a bit severe, but that gorgeous copper color is fantastic on her, and the silhouette and cut-outs are super-sexy and mega-flattering. Gold and black accessories might be predictable, but does it matter when they look this good?

ELIZABETH BANKS at the Maui Film Festival // dress by Erdem, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Wow, Lizzy! Way to nail it not once, but twice this week. Has there ever been a look more appropriate for the Maui Film Festival than this one? The beautiful floral sundress, the beach hair, the earrings, the lei – it’s island-chic without being costumey or steering too far from Banks’s chic style.

EMMA STONE in Moscow // dress by Lanvin, shoes by Brian Atwood

Here’s the latest look from Emma Stone’s neverending whirlwind press tour (I’d feel bad for the girl, a different city every day, except she gets free Lanvin dresses and thus I have no pity in my heart for her). Anyway, let’s take a moment to appreciate how goddamn lovely this dress is. I love the faded floral print, the black stripes that fade like watercolor, and the mega-flattering silhouette. Just a little jewelry or a slightly more interesting pair of shoes would have been perfect.

EMMA STONE in London // jumpsuit by Elie Saab

It’s hard to get me to like a jumpsuit, but I’m on board for this one. The top fits beautifully, the plunging neckline looks fantastic on her, and the gold belt (the metallic is reflecting the carpet, so it looks red here) is delicious. The fit on the pant could be a little more tailored and more flattering, but a jumpsuit I don’t hate is a rarity, so I guess this is a job well done.

EMMA STONE in Moscow // dress by Emilio Pucci, purse by Lanvin, shoes by Christian Louboutin

I’ll start with what I like: the silhouette, which fits her like a dream; the twisted high neckline, which looks extremely elegant and chic on her; and the boxy white clutch. But I can’t help thinking how much better this would look with red hair and without that dreadful makeup that makes her appear to be suffering from a severe case of conjunctivitis. And don’t get me started on the nude pumps.

EMMA STONE in Seoul // dress by Fendi, shoes by Stella McCartney

No, Emma. I understand that when you’re on a different red carpet every day, odds are you’ll eventually wear something less than fantastic. But there’s a mishap, and then there’s mistake after mistake after mistake, from head-to-toe, until you are basically unrecognizable. The 1960s diner waitress hair certainly isn’t doing her any favors, especially in that increasingly terrible shade of blonde. And will someone give me an explanation for that horrible fuchsia lipstick that she wears, like, 35% of the time? It’s always terrible. Jesus, a full paragraph of complaints and we haven’t even hit the ugly dress yet! And ugly it is, with that weak-ass blurry Rorschach print and those truly mind-blogging shoulder embellishments. And I see those Stella McCartney platforms on the red carpet all the time, and I just hate that grayish platform. It makes the shoe look like an espadrille, and then I’m left wondering why all these stars are wearing espadrilles with cocktail dresses on the red carpet.

ANDREW GARFIELD in London // suit by Tom Ford

Delicious. He’s become my favorite man-starlet to watch on the red carpet – always perfectly tailored and impeccably stylish.

GINNIFER GOODWIN at the Young Hollywood Awards // dress by Monique Lhuillier, purse by Edie Parker, shoes by Christian Louboutin

I hate most of what she wears, and I still think she looks like she’s trying way too hard, but I can’t deny that this is a great little look. It’s a classic little white dress, and she balances out the girly, doily-ness of the dress with that great striped clutch and her fabulous studded Loubs.

LADY GAGA in Sydney // gown by Atelier Versace, shoes by Brian Atwood

Love the gown, but someone needs to break it to Gaga that mega-platforms just don’t go with everything, not even in a Gaga “it shouldn’t work but I make it work because I’m Lady fucking Gaga” way. I’m going to ignore whatever’s happening on top of her head and just enjoy the fierceness of her gown and her ginger bodyguard.

NICOLE KIDMAN in Sydney // gown by Christian Dior

It’s not exactly jaw-dropping, and the hair is a freaking nightmare, but the gown really is lovely on her.

MALIN AKERMAN in Stockholm // dress by Alberta Ferretti, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Jimmy Choo

This is definitely the best Malin Akerman has ever looked, though that’s not saying much – her red carpet history isn’t exactly memorable, at least not in a positive way. But this dress is all kinds of chic, and I dig the metallic accessories. They’re a bit predictable, but they make the outfit look complete.

NINA GARCIA in New York City // dress by Dolce & Gabbana

I can’t believe how much I love this dress and how much I hate those shoes.

VICTORIA BECKHAM in Vancouver // dress and purse by Victoria Beckham, boots by Christian Louboutin

I know your shameless self-promoting is what has made you a successful fashion designer, Victoria, but it also makes you a really boring dresser when you wear the same dress and boots time and time again. She looks good, save for the awful braid, but I just can’t get excited when I know I’ll see her in this dress six more times this summer.

HEIDI KLUM in New York City // dress by Thomas Wylde

You can do better, Heidi. The bodice is so beautiful, with that exquisite draping, but things fall apart south of the waistline. It’s just too damn tight around her hips, and the stretching and pulling of the fabric shows every flaw in the seams.

SHAILENE WOODLEY in Los Angeles // dress by Mary Katrantzou

I’ll say it: 90% of Mary Katrantzou dresses are hideous, and this definitely does not fall into the other 10%.

LUCY HALE in Toronto // dress by Peter Som, purse by Edie Parker, shoes by Brian Atwood

Oh, Lucy, no! This is not how we hop on the peplum trend, okay? Taking a cocktail dress and haphazardly stapling some hideous satin fabric to it does not a red carpet look make. And there is absolutely no reason a fresh-faced doll like you should be hiding under ten pounds of drag queen makeup. Also, please burn those shoes in a fire immediately, if not sooner.

SELENA GOMEZ in Toronto // dress by Roberto Cavalli, shoes by Jimmy Choo

You’re allowed to go through a sexy-dressing phase, especially while you’re trying to shed your Disney star roots, but news flash: There are dresses that are both stylish AND sexy. This, on the other hand, is a fucking disco beach towel, and those stripper shoes are borderline ridiculous.

KATY PERRY in Toronto // gown by Vawk, shoes by Christian Louboutin

VETO.

EVA LONGORIA in Monte Carlo // dress by Emilio Pucci, shoes by Brian Atwood

She really has no idea how absurd she looks in these fussy, over-embellished dresses, does she? This actually isn’t terrible, but she’s way too devoted to her giant-toed Brian Atwood platforms, and the proportions on this dress are a bit of a mess. But things only went downhill from this look . . .

EVA LONGORIA in Monte Carlo // gown by Marchesa

Congratulations, Eva! I’ve watched a hell of a lot of Say Yes to the Dress and I’m currently planning my sister’s wedding, so I know a thing or two about hideous bridal gowns. So mazel tov, Ms. Longoria, because this is hands-down the ugliest motherfucking wedding dress I’ve ever seen.

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© Democracy Diva, 2012.
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