KRISTEN STEWART in Tokyo
romper by Louis Vuitton, shoes by Brian Atwood
Damn, Kristen. I rarely see a romper I think is even remotely stylish, but leave it to Louis Vuitton to create something to cool for even me to snark about. The checkerboard colorblocking is fantastic, and the length of the shorts and sleeves are perfect. The fit and proportions have to be excellent for something like this to work, so whoever kept their eye on the details here needs a promotion. I’d usually hate the heavy shoes, but even those she manages to pull off magnificently. Or maybe the shoe/short combo makes her legs look so gorgeous, it’s hard to dislike any of it. Anyway, Kristen, give some early Christmas bonuses to your makeup artist and your stylist, because they’ve clearly been working overtime to make you look more chic than ever.
MARION COTILLARD in Beverly Hills
dress and shoes by Christian Dior
Youthful with a delicate vintage vibe; love the shoes and the bracelet. A necklace and a darker shade of lipstick could have helped, but it’s a romantic, lovely ensemble.
LEIGHTON MEESTER in Los Angeles
dress by Mary Katrantzou, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Fabulous dress – Mary Katrantzou’s looks are usually way too overdesigned and unreasonably complicated, but in just black and white, her mixed prints look fantastic. Perfect shoes, but that hair is a nightmare and she very badly needs some jewelry.
ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY in Beverly Hills
dress by Jason Wu
Sexy and innovative, but perhaps slightly overdesigned. One less element in the top would have made it perfect, but with the sheer and the lace and the leather and the collar and the buttons and the bustier – it’s a lot to take in.
VIOLA DAVIS in New York City
gown by Max Mara
I don’t love the way the dress is draped, but Viola still manages to carry this look off beautifully. The purse is stunning and the bracelet is lovely, but those statement earrings are the real show-stoppers. So fantastic, particularly with the dark berry lips and natural hair.
VIOLA DAVIS in Beverly Hills
dress by Trina Turk
This pomegranate color is fantastic on her, but the silhouette is a wee bit youthful. Maybe with a more interesting pair of shoes, it would have been a better look, but the round-toed pumps don’t make this any less twee.
KRYSTEN RITTER in New York City
dress by Reem Acra, shoes by Jimmy Choo
A strange shoe choice, for sure, but I’m not sure I dislike it. And those embellished cap sleeves are just heavenly, though I wish she’d opted for hair up and a less obnoxious shade of lipstick. Also, those home-cut bangs have got to go. It’s getting embarrassing.
KRYSTEN RITTER in New York City
gown by Reem Acra, shoes by Jimmy Choo
No, Kristen. We do not pair vag-high slits with cut-outs so large, you’re barely wearing a top. This dress looked awful on Malin Akerman in September, and it looks just as terrible on you.
KERRY WASHINGTON in Beverly Hills
dress by Monique Lhuillier, purse by Louis Vuitton
Love the dress so much it hurts; hate the shoes with a fiery passion. Seriously, what are those sad, floppy little bow-things? They’re hideous, and the fact that they’re on the front AND back of each shoe just makes matters worse.
KERRY WASHINGTON in Hollywood
dress by Mary Katrantzou, purse and shoes by Christian Louboutin
See what I was saying about Mary Katrantzou’s overly complicated dresses? Definitely better in black and white. But even though I’d steer as clear from this dress as possible, at least Kerry is fabulous enough to pull it off. She styled it chicly and smartly, her hair and makeup look terrific, and if I squint and forget that there are two giant birds nuzzling each other in the middle of Kerry’s torso, she looks pretty darn great.
AMANDA SEYFRIED in Beverly Hills
dress by Prabal Gurung, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Jimmy Choo
This was my Resort 2013 red carpet prediction for Lady Gaga – the runway look was paired with a matching pleated cape that was fashion-forward and fabulous. Without that piece, I find this dress way less impressive and a little awkward. The fake-nude stripes are kind of interesting, but I think the matching red lips were a huge mistake and the gold platform peep-toes are incredibly underwhelming.
AMY ADAMS in Beverly Hills
gown by Oscar de la Renta, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
The gown is beautiful, but a foot too long, and the shoes don’t work at all.
NAOMI WATTS in New York City
dress by Victoria Beckham, purse by Valentino, shoes by Christian Louboutin
A deliciously chic Victoria Beckham dress and a fabulous lilac purse, ruined by the world’s most hideous shoes, made even worse by the distracting black toenail polish. Come on, Naomi – you were so close to making this work. Don’t throw a perfectly good look out the window by pairing it with such dubious footwear.
SARAH JESSICA PARKER in New York City
dress by L’Wren Scott, shoes by Manolo Blahnik
Seriously, SJP, what the fuck is with the bracelets? Did you just come back from summer camp and refuse to take off your friendship bracelets until they fall off and you can add them to your scrapbook? Why on earth does a grown woman need all that shit on her wrists? The dress is a little clown-ish, but sort of cute, and the shoes are inoffensive, but she always manages to fuck up the styling somehow.
LEA MICHELE in Beverly Hills
dress by Michael Kors, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Infinitely more chic and stylish than usual – too bad I’ve seen this exact dress and pair of shoes about six hundred thousand times before. Nice try, Lea.
LEA MICHELE in Hollywood
gown by Giorgio Armani, shoes by Rene Caovilla
The draping is a disaster, and how many times do I have to have the “we’re too short for overly long gowns” conversation with my fellow petite women before it finally sticks?
KATY PERRY in Los Angeles
dress by Wes Gordon, shoes by Manolo Blahnik for Wes Gordon
One look at this dress and I thought, “Oh, Katy. ONLY YOU would A) want giant fucking palm leaves that look like flamingos and swans and peacocks all over your dress, and B) pair that dress with hideous, clunky black heels.”
It appears I was wrong – not about the palm leaves or the shoes, but that only Katy could dream of such an awful look. January Jones hit the red carpet to prove me wrong…
JANUARY JONES in Beverly Hills
dress by Wes Gordon, shoes by Rupert Sanderson
One of these dresses would have been bad enough, dear readers. But TWO? In the same week? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.
GWYNETH PALTROW in New York City
dress and purse by Michael Kors, shoes by Jimmy Choo
There’s a maximum amount of cut-outs allowed before you enter Desperationville, Gwyneth. And you passed it about half a dozen cut-outs ago. Also, I know you must be thinking, “I’m fucking Gwyneth Paltrow and thus I can make white pumps with an all-black ensemble happen,” but I am here to tell you that you are very, very wrong.
KYLIE MINOGUE in London
dress by Stella McCartney, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Yes, Stella McCartney is still making the most hideous dresses known to mankind; no, I cannot explain why starlets are still stupid enough to wear them.