March Fabness 2013, Round 1: Valentino Bracket


The polls on this bracket have closed, but check back daily for new brackets!

CATHERINE, DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE vs. MARISA TOMEI
Duchess Kate's dress by Matthew Williamson; Marisa's jumpsuit by Valentino

Duchess Kate’s dress by Matthew Williamson; Marisa’s jumpsuit by Valentino

Duchess Kate: Cheerio, Marisa! Isn’t it just a lovely day for a fashion battle?

Marisa: Absolutely, Your Highness! When you get to wear pants on the red carpet, and cosy pocketed ones at that, fashion battles are a breeze.

Duchess Kate's dress by Temperley London, shoes by L.K. Bennett; Marisa's dress by Roksanda Ilincic, shoes by Aperlai

Duchess Kate’s dress by Temperley London, shoes by L.K. Bennett; Marisa’s dress by Roksanda Ilincic, shoes by Aperlai

Duchess Kate: Oh, I’m a princess. We don’t wear things like pants.  Too pedestrian, you see.

Marisa: Well, that’s just sad! No woman should be without some fabulous ladypants!

Duchess Kate's dress by Prabal Gurung, shoes by Prada; Marisa's dress by Preen, purse by Edie Parker, shoes by Nicholas Kirkwood

Duchess Kate’s dress by Prabal Gurung, shoes by Prada; Marisa’s dress by Preen, purse by Edie Parker, shoes by Nicholas Kirkwood

Duchess Kate: What I lack in pants, I make up for it tenfold in – well, basically everything. But mostly, hair shininess.

Marisa: I’ll admit, your hair is its own unique kind of shiny. Tell me, was it always like that, or is that just the after-effects of getting to wear a tiara?

Duchess Kate's gown by Roland Mouret, purse and shoes by Jimmy Choo; Marisa's dress and shoes by Christian Dior

Duchess Kate’s gown by Roland Mouret, purse and shoes by Jimmy Choo; Marisa’s dress and shoes by Christian Dior

Duchess Kate: Actually, angels sweep down and coat your hair in glitter the moment you marry royalty.

Marisa: Ah. Well, that explains it.

Duchess Kate's gown and purse by Jenny Packham, shoes by JImmy Choo; Marisa's gown by Jonathan Saunders, purse by Sergio Rossi, shoes by Rupert Sanderson

Duchess Kate’s gown and purse by Jenny Packham, shoes by Jimmy Choo; Marisa’s gown by Jonathan Saunders, purse by Sergio Rossi, shoes by Rupert Sanderson

Duchess Kate: I’m kidding, darling! Of course my hair was always this shiny. How can you bag a prince without Disney princess hair?

Marisa: Excellent point, Your Highness. Respect.

LUCY LIU vs. DITA VON TEESE
Lucy's coat by Dolce & Gabbana, boots by Stuart Weitzman; Dita's dress by Burberry

Lucy’s coat by Dolce & Gabbana, boots by Stuart Weitzman; Dita’s dress by Burberry

Lucy: There’s no time for niceties – these leather boots are not fucking around, and neither am I.

Dita: Well, never underestimate the power of a burlesque star with a really fierce and pointy umbrella.

Lucy's coat by Roberto Cavalli, gown by Roland Mouret, purse by Roger Vivier; Dita's dress by Valentino, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Lucy’s coat by Roberto Cavalli, gown by Roland Mouret, purse by Roger Vivier; Dita’s dress by Valentino, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Lucy: Burlesque? Is that still even a thing? I thought that kind of died when Gypsy Rose Lee did.

Dita: I’m basically Gypsy reincarnated. I mean, I’m forty years old and I’m still getting more beautiful by the day.

Lucy's gown by Atelier Versace, purse and shoes by Jimmy Choo; Dita's gown by Jenny Packham, purse by Christian Louboutin

Lucy’s gown by Atelier Versace, purse and shoes by Jimmy Choo; Dita’s gown by Jenny Packham, purse by Christian Louboutin

Lucy: Honey, you’re preaching to the choir. I haven’t aged a day since the Y2K panic ended.

Dita: I begrudgingly admit that you do like mightily fresh-faced and beautiful. But I’m still going to kick your ass.

Lucy's gown by Versace, purse and shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti; Dita's dress by Elie Saab, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Lucy’s gown by Versace, purse and shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti; Dita’s dress by Elie Saab, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Lucy: My gown is made out of metal, bitch. You don’t want to do battle with someone who’s wearing Versace armor.

Dita: The power of Elie Saab’s sparkles will protect me. I mean, look at these lace sleeves! What CAN’T this dress do?

Lucy's gown by Carolina Herrera; Dita's gown by Jenny Packham

Lucy’s gown by Carolina Herrera; Dita’s gown by Jenny Packham

Lucy: It can’t defeat my flower power, that’s for damn sure.

Dita: Think again, Lucy. You’re not the only one whose powder-blue gowns are adorned with florals.

KATE MARA vs. ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY
Kate's dress by Peter Som, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Brian Atwood; Rosie's dress by Jason Wu

Kate’s dress by Peter Som, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Brian Atwood; Rosie’s dress by Jason Wu

Kate: Well, Rosie, it’s an honor to be matched up with you for this epic battle, but I must say, I find your lipstick quite intimidating.

Rosie: That’s kind of the idea, Kate. No one slathers on wine-color lipstick to look sweet and approachable, for God’s sake.

Kate's dress by Christian Dior, purse by Nancy Gonzalez, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti; Rosie's suit by Burberry, shoes by Manolo Blahnik

Kate’s dress by Christian Dior, purse by Nancy Gonzalez, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti; Rosie’s suit by Burberry, shoes by Manolo Blahnik

Kate: Fair point. And though nothing can compete with the brightness of my Dior frock, you’re making quite a bold attempt at color yourself.

Rosie: I don’t need your patronizing bullshit, honey. I know how good my red Burberry suit is.

Kate's dress by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Brian Atwood; Rosie's gown by Burberry

Kate’s dress by Dolce & Gabbana, shoes by Brian Atwood; Rosie’s gown by Burberry

Kate: Those are some awfully ugly words from such a pretty lady.

Rosie: What are you, a middle-aged unhappily married Congressman? Who talks like that?

Kate's gown by Badgley Mischka; Rosie's gown and shoes by Saint Laurent

Kate’s gown by Badgley Mischka; Rosie’s gown and shoes by Saint Laurent

Kate: Sorry. I’ve been spending too much time on set with Kevin Spacey.

Rosie: Well, that explains it.

Kate's gown by Jason Wu; Rosie's gown, purse, and shoes by Gucci

Kate’s gown by Jason Wu; Rosie’s gown, purse, and shoes by Gucci

Kate: Let’s just agree that I’m going to defeat you handily because I’m fucking fabulous, okay?

Rosie: Aw, aren’t you cute. I’m a model and I’m wearing Gucci – you don’t have a shot in hell.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE vs. KATE BOSWORTH
Jennifer's dress by Prabal Gurung, purse by Jill Milan, shoes by Casadei for Prabal Gurung; Kate's top and skirt by Proenza Schouler

Jennifer’s dress by Prabal Gurung, purse by Jill Milan, shoes by Casadei for Prabal Gurung; Kate’s top and skirt by Proenza Schouler

Jennifer: What’s up, March Fabbers? I heard there was a battle raging, so I’m here in my perfect printed dress and ridiculously fun shoes to join in on the party.

Kate: Fabulous to meet you, Jennifer! Tell me, how is it that you’ve managed to get pretty much everybody on the planet to fall in love with you over the last year?

Jennifer's gown by Christian Dior, purse by Judith Leiber, shoes by Jimmy Choo; Kate's dress by Theory, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Jennifer’s gown by Christian Dior; Kate’s dress by Theory, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti

Jennifer: Um, unlike literally everyone else in Hollywood, I’m not entirely full of shit?

Kate: Ew. You’re earning people’s love through SINCERITY? Who does that?!

Jennifer's gown by Prabal Gurung, purse by Roger Vivier, shoes by Jimmy Choo; Kate's dress by Altuzarra, shoes by Gianvito Rossi for Altuzarra

Jennifer’s gown by Prabal Gurung, purse by Roger Vivier; Kate’s dress by Altuzarra, shoes by Gianvito Rossi for Altuzarra

Jennifer: I mean, somebody has to remind America that we’re not all as insufferable and faux-gracious as Anne Hathaway, right?

Kate: Well, that’s an excellent point. The less people think we’re like Anne Hathaway, the better, I always say.

Jennifer's gown by Christian Dior, purse by Roger Vivier; Kate's dress and purse by Calvin Klein

Jennifer’s gown by Christian Dior, purse by Roger Vivier; Kate’s dress and purse by Calvin Klein

Jennifer: Exactly. One of us trips up the stairs on the way to collecting our Oscar, and one of us breathes “It came true!” in an obnoxious baby voice. Who would you rather have a beer with?

Kate: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, I just pictured Anne Hathaway actually drinking a beer, and in my mind, she was holding it like a teacup and making faces like she was downing a bottle of rubbing alcohol.

Jennifer's gown by Calvin Klein, shoes by Brian Atwood; Kate's dress, purse, and shoes by Prada

Jennifer’s gown by Calvin Klein; Kate’s dress, purse, and shoes by Prada

Jennifer: Yeah, I don’t think that girl’s even seen a complex carbohydrate in the last eighteen months. I’d feel bad if she weren’t so easy to make fun of.

Kate: There are no bad feelings in March Fabness, J.Law. Only blood, sweat, and fabulous fucking fashion.


© Democracy Diva, 2013.
. facebook . twitter . pinterest .

Advertisements

2 responses to March Fabness 2013, Round 1: Valentino Bracket

    • democracydiva – Author

      Probably Donatella Versace, which will be difficult since she is more muppet than human. But God, do I love the shit out of that dress.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s