ELIZABETH BANKS vs. JULIANNE MOORE
Elizabeth: It’s a lovely day to bludgeon you to death with the power of my fabulousness, isn’t it?
Julianne: Actually, it’s kind of rainy out and – wait, what?!
Elizabeth: You heard me. Do you think Effie Trinket fucks around when it comes to a fashion battle to the death? This is what I was MADE for.
Julianne: I prefer to go the more classic, minimalist look. And my necklace is a snake, which will bite your fucking head off if you don’t surrender now.
Elizabeth: Minimalism is for people who are too boring to pull off FUCHSIA SPARKLES.
Julianne: Too boring, or too sane?
Elizabeth: I’ll take fashion sense over sanity any day of the week.
Julianne: Hear, hear, darling.
Elizabeth: Listen, I’m all for you taking chances with your wardrobe, but steal my perfect shade of yellow again and I’ll knock you unconscious with my matching boxy clutch.
Julianne: Oh, I’d love to see you try, bitch.
ANDREW GARFIELD vs. BEYONCE KNOWLES
Andrew: Oh, I’m sorry, Your Highne – uh, I mean, Beyonce! I must be in the wrong place.
Beyonce: What do you mean, cutie? Aren’t we supposed to be in a March Fabness match-up right now?
Andrew: Well, um, yes, ma’am, I mean, uh, yes I am, but – they’re not expecting little old me to do battle with BEYONCE, are they?
Beyonce: You’re just the cutest little skinny-pants-wearing thing I’ve ever seen, darling! Of course you’re matched up against me!
Andrew: Well, thank goodness I shined my shoes, that’s all I have to say.
Beyonce: You still shine your own shoes? How adorable!
Andrew: Oh, no, I was totally joking. I pay people to do that.
Beyonce: Thank goodness. I was starting to worry about you.
Andrew: Look at me, darling. Is there really anything to worry about?
Beyonce: You’ve grown quite a bit cockier since you were stuttering introductions to me, Andrew. Don’t get a big head when you’re about to do battle with a diva.
CATHERINE, DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE vs. LUCY LIU
Duchess Kate: Cheers, Lucy, darling! How nice of you to join me in a fun printed dress and beige pumps for the occassion!
Lucy: Good day, Your Highness. It’s a pleasure to be matched up with you – how are you feeling?
Duchess Kate: Well, I’m no longer constantly spewing, so that’s good, I suppose.
Lucy: Um, yes. I suppose that is good.
Duchess Kate: But I have to say, my naturally shiny hair is shinier than ever before, so you gotta love those pregnancy hormones once in awhile.
Lucy: You want to talk shiny hair? Girl, these locks shine like motherfucking diamonds.
Duchess Kate: Don’t compete with a princess, honey. You’ll never make it out of here alive.
Lucy: I will if I use my metal dress as a weapon. Don’t tempt me, Duchess.
Duchess Kate: I laugh in the face of your plebeian braid.
Lucy: Your bridesmaid’s purse is a travesty.
ROSIE HUNTINGTON-WHITELEY vs. JENNIFER LAWRENCE
Rosie: I know we don’t have much time, but can I just say that I’m like, totally obsessed with you, Katniss? And I hope you don’t mind, but I wanted us to wear the same red-orange color. Girls on fire, right?!!?
Jennifer: Uh… yeah. I’m not like, actually Katniss, you know that, right?
Rosie: Yeah, I know. But I thought maybe if I fangirled out for a minute, you’d let your guard down and I’d be able to defeat you.
Jennifer: First of all, my guard is never up. That’s kind of my thing. And second, you think I need a guard up to defeat you? No offense, Rosie, but I could do it in my sleep.
Rosie: I highly doubt that. I’m a model, for God’s sake – I get paid to make clothes look good.
Jennifer: Yes, but I’m a movie star. The best dresses go to me first.
Rosie: I’m a movie star too! I was in Transformers after they kicked out Megan Fox for being unable to move her face!
Jennifer: Oh, that’s cute. I’m 23 and I’ve got an Oscar, an Oscar nom, and a billion-dollar franchise to my name already.
Rosie: Wow. That was already below the belt – did you really have to bring the award with you and shove it in my face?
Jennifer: Yes, I did. Suck my Oscar, bitch.