It’s been far too long since we’ve had a regularly scheduled red carpet recap, dear readers. 

DIANE KRUGER in New York City
gown by Prabal Gurung, shoes by Casadei

Everyone else can go the fuck home right now. Because when March Fabness 2013 champion Diane Kruger brings her A game, virtually nothing and no one else can compare. The earrings, the neckline, the lining, the pockets – so many flawless details, and yet the combination is effortless.

BLAKE LIVELY in Milan
dress, purse, and shoes by Gucci

Shocking though it may be to see me praise Brake Lively’s style, I thought she looked phenomenal at Milan Fashion Week. That mustard-colored leather is a dream on her, and the purse and shoes are equally chic. For once, she’s not over-accessorizing – it’s clean, chic, and really goddamn fabulous.

BLAKE LIVELY in Milan
dress and purse by Gucci

This was my Resort 2014 red carpet prediction for Emma Watson, but I was shocked by how much I loved it on Blake. The shiny brown peep-toes were just a brilliant choice to pair with the green print. And the belt is absolutely awesome.

COCO ROCHA in New York City
gown by Greta Constantine

Warning: do not attempt this unless you are a supermodel/best friends with a really excellent tailor. Because if this doesn’t fit perfectly, it’s a mess; here, it’s a work of art.

NICOLE KIDMAN in Qingdao, China
gown by Prada

I don’t love giant florals on gowns as a rule, but this one is surprisingly cool. Love the neckline, and I’m actually down for the ridiculous hair.

CATE BLANCHETT in London
gown by Givenchy

I want to like this more than I actually like it – I’m programmed to like anything I haven’t seen before, and anything Cate Blanchett does, and there’s a lot of overlap there. But the nude makeup is a stark contrast to the chocolate brown gown, and I don’t think it works as a look. That being said, this gown is still kind of a work of art, if a sad one.

CATE BLANCHETT in Milan
dress by Prabal Gurung, shoes by Roger Vivier

Cute dress, but those are some boring-ass shoes for such an otherwise fabulous person.

NATALIE PORTMAN in New York City
gown, earrings, and purse by Christian Dior

I love a gown with an interesting texture, but I’m not sure I can get behind this one, mainly because it gives off the impression that Natalie Portman is vibrating down the red carpet. Do you remember about ten years ago, when those scrunched-up shirts that pretended to be one-size-fits-all but really fit nobody were really popular? It was a terrible trend then, and it’s not any better now. I think the colorblocking saves this look, but the styling still leaves something to be desired.

JULIANNE MOORE in New York City
gown by Jason Wu, jewelry by Fred Leighton, shoes by Roger Vivier

Simple but stunning. I can’t even believe this woman is over fifty.

CATHERINE, DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDGE in London
gown by Jenny Packham, shoes by Jimmy Choo

Predictable, but she looks so astoundingly beautiful, I can’t possibly bring myself to care. This woman is superhuman.

SARAH JESSICA PARKER in New York City
gown by Prabal Gurung and Theory’s Olivier Theyskens, earrings by Fred Leighton

Fashion is not the sum of its parts, dear readers. You can’t just take two of the best designers in the world and say, “Well, if they collaborate on a dress together, it’ll be TWICE as fabulous, right?!” No. It will just be a bodice and a skirt that don’t go particularly well together.

HAILEE STEINFELD in Los Angeles
dress by Prabal Gurung, shoes by Brian Atwood

I wish this dress hit right below her knee instead of right above her ankle – it’s a terribly unflattering length, especially with the ankle-straps and platforms on her shoes. But I am completely obsessed with this dress, particularly the shoulders. I just can’t stop looking at it, and the way her makeup subtly reflects some of the dress’s colors is really lovely.

NAOMI WATTS in London
gown by Versace, jewelry by Chopard, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Black shoes need to be paired with white gowns very carefully. When a gown is clearly supposed to be sleek and delicate and sexy like this one, adding a black platform can be very distracting and take away from the coolness of the look. And I’m not sure how cool this was to begin with – it just looks like she’s wearing her dress sideways.

NAOMI WATTS in Paris
dress by Marchesa

I don’t know what this is, and I don’t ever want to find out.

NICOLE RICHIE in Los Angeles
gown by Jean Paul Gaultier, purse by House of Harlow, shoes by Christian Louboutin

I was all ready to praise the living shit out of this look . . . until I noticed the accessories. Is she really wearing leopard print slippers with a giant orange, red, and black floral print? There’s a fine line between fashion-forward and mental patient, and Nicole, honey – you look like you could use a straitjacket.

CAREY MULLIGAN in New York City
dress by Alexander McQueen

Careful, Carey. Go any darker with your hair, and I will truly not be able to tell you and Rooney Mara apart. Between the sad black shoes and your refusal to look anything but miserable, you’re already twins. But way to take a fun, sexy dress and make it look funereal.

SIENNA MILLER in New York City
dress by Alexander McQueen, shoes by Ash

Cute dress ruined by another unnecessary pair of black ankle booties. This particular red carpet casualty has become a Hollywood epidemic in the past; let’s pray for a vaccine this year.

TAYLOR SWIFT in Los Angeles
dress by Reem Acra, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Sweet JESUS, this bitch is dull.

JESSICA ALBA at the ALMA Awards
blouse and skirt by Juan Carlos Obando, purse by Edie Parker

Jessica Alba, if you think you can pull off that hair just because you’re beautiful, I’m here to tell you that you are sorely mistaken. Also, consider wearing clothes that fit. Just a thought.

EVA LONGORIA at the ALMA Awards
gown by Zuhair Murad

Eva, this right here is why I hate you.

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© Democracy Diva, 2013.
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