It’s Sunday morning, I’m exhausted from my first week of being a real person in a very long time, and there’s an ungodly amount of fashion to get through. There is no better recipe for complete and utter bitchery, dear readers.
ELIZABETH BANKS in Los Angeles
dress by McQ Alexander McQueen, shoes by Sophia Webster
Dear Movie Gods (and by that I mean Harvey Weinstein): put Elizabeth Banks in every single film. Then I will get to see her on every red carpet, and I will never have to be sad ever again, because she is a magical unicorn of fabulosity. JUST BASK IN THE GLOW OF EFFIE TRINKET, UNIVERSE. The print, the colors, the completely-fucking-amazing shoes – sigh. I love this.
NAOMIE HARRIS in New York City
dress by Altuzarra for Target
Low-key but utterly fabulous. More importantly, Naomie is making me want to buy everything in the Altuzarra for Target collection. MOST importantly, she’s making what is probably a $50 dress look like it costs $500. That is no easy feat. These colors would look heinous on me and I still would wear the shit out of this.
LÉA SEYDOUX in Tokyo
dress by Prada
Yes, please. I will take one in every color. And those Mary Janes with the 1920s-style square toe? Heaven.
DIANNA AGRON in Los Angeles
dress by Rebecca Minkoff
I saw this dress in a store about a month ago and thought it was adorable; since then, it’s been cropping up on a celebrity-ridden sidewalk or two. It is a fantastic little frock on Dianna Agron, particularly with those fucking phenomenal shoes.
GWEN STEFANI in New York City
suit by Altuzarra
Executive vampire Gwen Stefani took her unique brand of eternal blood-sucking fierceness to the streets of NYC. Mere mortals bowed in her presence.
JENNIFER LOPEZ in Bridgehampton, New York
gown by Gucci
Greatest thing she’s worn in a solid decade. A flowy, feminine dress with a studded bow belt? That’s a pretty damn flawless gritty-meets-pretty combination.
ZOE SALDANA in Los Angeles
dress by Preen, shoes by Christian Louboutin
Maternity wear + inkblot prints = a Rorschach pregnancy test! Zoe kind of looks like she forgot to put pants on, but somehow, she even makes that look cool.
JOURDAN DUNN at the GQ Men of the Year Awards
gown by Zuhair Murad
I predicted that Miley Cyrus would rock this particular gown, but Jourdan Dunn is working this thing like only a runway model can.
NATALIE DORMER at the GQ Men of the Year Awards
dress by Emilio Pucci, shoes by Aquazzura
I like the idea of this outfit more than the execution. Queen Margaery is very pale and very blonde for such a bright yellow, but I think it actually could have worked if she’d added a bright lipstick, and maybe put her hair up. Her face is almost invisible next to the brightness of the dress and the darkness of the accessories – a loud lip color would have helped her out a bit. I also think the sleeves are a bit too long, and the giant cut-out in the middle is proportionally a little strange. But it’s fun and it’s funky and it has pockets, so overall, I’m on board.
RITA ORA at the GQ Men of the Year Awards
gown by Zuhair Murad, shoes by Stuart Weitzman
Killer gown. And while celebrities are usually right in their belief that the Stuart Weitzman “Nudist” sandals go with everything, this particular pair is way too plain for the high glam factor of this dress. Also, every boy from my sixth grade class called, and they want their hairstyle back.
JOAN SMALLS in New York City
dress by Proenza Schouler, shoes by Givenchy
Love the print; am getting a little bit exhausted of those cut-outs that aren’t quite underboob but aren’t quite tummy. That no man’s land of torso is getting a lot of action lately – maybe it still looks great on models, but I’m just really ready for whatever the next ubiquitous trend is.
DIANE KRUGER in Berlin
dress by Prada
Usually, as soon as I see a new photo of Diane Kruger, I know she’ll be at the top of the weekly fashion recap. And this is pretty and sweet, and there’s nothing at all wrong with it, but Diane used to blow my mind every time she left the house. Lately, she’s just been missing that wow factor.
DIANE KRUGER in Paris
coat by RED Valentino, purse by Chanel
I sort of feel bad for swans. They will never be able to be used in fashion again without reminding the universe of Björk‘s “it looks like a dead swan slung across my body!” dress. I’m really trying to like this collar, I swear I am, because it’s weird and it’s surprising and Björk’s dress was like thirteen years ago and we should probably be able to move on as a society by now. But I can’t, dear readers. I just can’t.
DIANE KRUGER in Berlin
gown by Prada
Pass this one to Helen Mirren. Diane, I know you’re 38, but you have the skin of a newborn baby and you will probably look never look within a decade or two of your actual age. This dress is just too mature for you. And speaking of Dame Helen Mirren:
HELEN MIRREN in London
dress by Suzannah
A terrific dress on her, ruined by whatever the hell is happening on her feet. Is she barefoot, standing on tip-toe, with a metal condom stuck to her toe? Do her stockings pull over her shoes, as if she’s an Olympic ice dancer? What is going on here?
LUCY LIU in New York City
dress by Carolina Herrera
Very pretty, if a bit on the basic side.
CAMERON DIAZ in Berlin
dress by Stella McCartney, shoes by Salvatore Ferragamo
Burn those shoes in a fire.
CAMERON DIAZ in Berlin
jumpsuit by Christian Dior
BURN THOSE GIANT PANTS IN AN EVEN BIGGER FIRE.
CARA DELEVINGNE at the GQ Men of the Year Awards
gown by Burberry Prorsum, shoes by Tabitha Simmons
No. I veto all of this. From the corpse makeup to the mouth accessory (what is that? a thermometer? a coke spoon? a safety pin that fell out of her dress?) to the evil granny panties to the WAY-too-clunky-to-be-worn-with-lace shoes, this is a waking nightmare.
LENA DUNHAM in New York City
coat and dress by Michael Kors
Is it 1998? No? Then put those hideous monstrosities you’re trying to pass off as shoes away, and never inflict them upon the public again. Also, I’m pretty sure Cady Heron was talking about Lena Dunham when she said, “I have this theory that if you cut off all her hair, she’d look like a British man.”