Round 1 keeps chugging right along. Are you keeping up?
KEIRA KNIGHTLEY vs. CHANEL IMAN
Keira: Ugh. Mondays.
Chanel: Preach, sister.
Keira: I just can’t be expected to be a functioning human being quite yet.
Chanel: Hear, hear. Particularly when I can’t drink coffee in this dress, for fear of spilling it and scalding 80% of my bare skin.
Keira: That’s why I stick to dark colors. Hides the coffee stains better.
Chanel: Too true. I actually dumped an entire French press on this gown on my way here, and you can’t even tell!
Keira: Lucky. I can’t wait to pop this baby out so I can reignite my desperate caffeine addiction.
Chanel: Don’t worry. Til then, there’s always tequila!
KAROLINA KURKOVA vs. SHAILENE WOODLEY
Karolina: I think something is wrong with your feet, darling. Why do your shoes sit flat on the floor like that?
Shailene: Um, they’re flats? Not heels?
Karolina: Flat shoes, you say? But, I don’t understand.
Shailene: It’s really not that difficult a concept.
Karolina: But in flat shoes, how do you add inches to your already 5’11” frame?
Shailene: Um, why would you need to?
Karolina: Because how can I possibly be the most intimidating version of myself unless I am unfairly beautiful, impossibly stylish, AND over six feet tall?
Shailene: Ugh. Models are the worst.
NAOMI WATTS vs. KATE MARA
Naomi: So. How’s Kevin Spacey?
Kate: … I’m sure he’s just fine.
Naomi: You guys don’t still hang out?
Kate: He’s KEVIN SPACEY. Of course we don’t hang out.
Naomi: Oh, that’s such a disappointment.
Naomi: Uh, because I’m done binge-watching House of Cards and I’m going to lose my mind if I have to wait another year to find out what happens?
Kate: Oh, is that show still on? I kind of thought it ended once I died.
ZOE SALDANA vs. JANUARY JONES
Zoe: Oh, sorry. I was responding to the question of “who wore it better.” And the answer is ME.
January: *rolls eyes*
Zoe: Don’t you scoff at me. Not with a fake-ass name like “January.” What, was “October” just too ordinary for you?
January: Back off, bitch. January is my real name.
Zoe: Ohhh, so your parents smoked crack. That explains a lot, actually.
January: At least I have an explanation for my particular brand crazy. What’s your excuse?