Every actress and model in the French Riviera turned out to say happy birthday to Cannes. 

Best Dressed: ELLE FANNING
gown by Christian Dior

Elle snags the coveted top spot for the third time in this year’s Cannes coverage. She has become so at home in spectacular gowns that are just a little too interesting to be rightfully considerd “princessy.” This is more “most couture fairy at Tinkerbell’s birthday party,” in the best possible way.

Runner-Up: TILDA SWINTON
jumpsuit by Chanel

Never stop being you, Tilda. Cannes needs you desperately. Even the most beautiful gowns could use a sparkly jumpsuit that somehow serves up 70s disco and dystopian futuristic vibes.

Honorable Mention: DIANE KRUGER
gown by Christian Dior, jewelry by Chopard

Would have given her the top spot, if it weren’t for that black choker. It is an affront to this otherwise-magnificent lewk. The petal-esque layers of the skirt are just incredible.

MARION COTILLARD
gown by Armani Privé, jewelry by Chopard

Is Marion finally free of the Dior contract that has constricted her red carpet game for what feels like centuries?! This is a welcome development. It’s not that she never had a good Dior look; it’s that she had to wear so many of them that eventually, she just ran out of good ones. I’m loving her in this Armani gown, even if I don’t quite understand her shoes. Oh, and that necklace is everything.

CHARLIZE THERON
gown by Christian Dior, jewelry by Chopard

Love the lace and the truly absurd amount of diamonds.

LIU WEN
jacket and jumpsuit by Jean Paul Gaultier, jewelry by Chopard

Thank you for bringing us something new and different, Liu. A girl can get lost in a sea of pretty dresses. I didn’t know I needed a pinstriped pajama jumpsuit at Cannes, but I’m so glad it’s here.

NICOLE KIDMAN
gown by Armani Privé

The hair upsets me, and the necklace isn’t much better, but you know I’m here for an interesting print. The cut makes her look a bit like a little boy, but that design is really beautiful.

NAOMI CAMPBELL
gown by Atelier Versace, jewelry by Bulgari

It’s not the most unique thing on earth, but I love the jagged edges around the neckline and straps.

BARBARA PALVIN
gown by Armani Privé

This dress required a little more oomph in the hair and makeup department, but a gorgeous gown and a million-dollar smile go a long way. (Seriously, that smile is almost too charming. She’s adorable.)

ISABELLE HUPPERT
gown by Louis Vuitton, jewelry by Chopard

Hem that shit by a couple of inches and I’m sold.

FAN BINGBING
gown by Louis Vuitton, jewelry by De Beers

I love this color on Fan so much that I’m going to forgive the fact that she’s wearing a Disney princess nightgown on the red carpet.

GUAN XIAOTONG
gown by Zuhair Murad, jewelry by Chopard

I worship everything about this dress itself, but there are a few dealbreakers here. This is not a dress you can wear without employing a handler to stand behind you and straighten out the skirt every time you take a step. If this dress were actually available in stores, it would be sold with a hot dude in a suit and an earpiece to follow you around. And for all the magical detailing this dress contains, my eyes are forced to go straight to that hideous blue ring. I can’t look away from it. I think it might be pulsating.

BIANCA BALTI
gown by Dolce & Gabbana, jewelry by DeGrisogono

I think this is lovely, or at least close enough to it to count, but the darker-gray embellished shoes belong with a different outfit.

JESSICA CHASTAIN
gown by Armani Privé

This color is hard to look at, and she’s pooping fabric.

MONICA BELLUCCI
gown by Chanel

Meh. Seen it.

ASHLEY BENSON
gown by Erdem

She looks like a regular girl who won a contest and got to wear someone else’s dress to Cannes. Did she do her own hair? Why am I having so much trouble believing this is an actual famous person?

EVA LONGORIA
gown by Pamella Roland

Keep it.

MISCHA BARTON

Those shoes are hideous, but this is better than Mischa has looked in a solid decade.

UMA THURMAN
gown by Prada

Oh, honey. This is terrible. The fit, the length, the feathers, the purse, the bangs – I hate all of this.

SHU QI
gown by Alexis Mabille

An awful color for her. And the beige purse and gold pumps? For the love of god, why?

ADÈLE EXARCHOPOULOS
dress by Louis Vuitton

Try harder.

RITA ORA
gown by Elie Saab

Rita, I hate to be the one to break this to you. But wearing every gown Beyoncé wears two years after she wears it is never going to turn you into Beyoncé.

Worst Dressed: SALMA HAYEK
gown by Gucci

Did someone photoshop Salma Hayek’s head onto my grandmother’s couch, or is this actually what she’s wearing?

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More Cannes awaits your judgment here.

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© Democracy Diva, 2017.
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