Pop princess Lady Gaga, actual princess Kate Middleton and a ton of other wannabe princesses hit the red carpet this week.
LADY GAGA // dress by Tom Ford
My undisputed favorite this week? Dandelion Gaga, in her phenomenally extravagant hat and truly outstanding white lace dress. Emma Stone wore the same dress in black just a few weeks ago. I loved that version, but the white on Gaga, paired with the pearls, lacy sleeves, and platinum locks – it’s just fun, vibrant, fabulous fashion.
CATHERINE, DUCHESS OF CAMBRIDE // blouse and skirt by Alexander McQueen
Love. Love the military/sailor thing, the nautical colors, the brass buttons, and the general Britishness of it all. I’d never have chosen blue shoes, but I have no other complaints.
The bold printed maxidress has never been my favorite look, but I appreciate that it works on a certain type of women. So in spite of my reservations of the pussy bow [Editor’s Note: I’m not being fresh; that’s actually what those kinds of bows are called], I like this dress on Rachel. I just never saw the utility of pairing a dress like this with a leather jacket – especially this one, which is more of a blazer in leather than a motorcycle jacket. It just seems a bit incongruous, like each piece came from a different woman’s wardrobe.
Those are some SLUTTY shoes, girl! That’s not to say I don’t like them, but it’s hard to not look like a prostitute in those things. The black lace dress is sexy, not slutty, but paired with the shoes, it’s all getting a little woman-of-the-night. If she toned down the shoes just a touch, I think this would be a fantastic look for her.
KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN // dress by Kardashian Kollection for Sears
The color, the collar, the bow, the waistband, the skirt, the hem, the hair – every time I glance at this photo I come up with six more reasons why I hate this look.
It’s good to be Elle Fanning. She gets to run around in bridal gowns and cowboy boots, and it looks adorable because she’s 13 and precocious and utterly laid-back chic. If any mere mortal attempted such a look, she’d be shunned, but Elle just looks like an angel, albeit one who clearly grew up on the west coast.
As a woman who wears way too much purple, I applaud Suri’s sartorial choices here. A purple dress and matching moccasins might seem excessive for some, but not I, dear Suri. I’m on your side.
ANNE HATHAWAY // blazer by Balmain, sunglasses by Perspex
Love the jacket and the glasses. The pants make her legs look incredibly long, but otherwise, they’re nothing special. And the t-shirt under the blazer looks a little desperate for hipness.
KERRY WASHINGTON // blouse by Ann Taylor, jeans by Express, purse by Christian Louboutin, shoes by Tory Burch
Living proof that a combination of many fabulous individual items does not necessarily result in a fabulous look. I really love each piece – the purse is spectacular and the shoes are totally badass – but together, and combined with the red pants and leopard print top, it’s just too much look.
I don’t know when Khloe started showing up to red carpets looking better than her sisters, but it’s a mark of how awful Kim and Kourtney look if Khloe is the one outshining them. Not that I support Khloe spanx-ing herself into this basic leopard print dress, but I like her blazer and her shoes, which is more than I can usually say for any member of the Kardashian Klan.
KIM KARDASHIAN // jumpsuit by Kardashian Kollection for Sears
Could everyone please stop wearing peep-toe ankle booties? They look stupid on absolutely everyone. They look particularly stupid paired with a leopard print jumpsuit. I am saddened by the millions of fake leopards that were thoughtlessly slaughtered so the Kardashians could dress themselves for this event.
ELIZABETH BANKS // dress and purse by Prada, shoes by Miu Miu
Elizabeth Banks is so bangin’, but tends to show up on red carpets in outfits meant for women twice her age. As if this droopy, matronly dress weren’t bad enough from the front, here’s the side view:
Why, Liz? Why would you make such a cute pair of shoes so sad by pairing them with such a schizophrenic, depressed dress? Why would you match your purse to that Pepto Bismol pink, the worst color in your outfit’s palette? Why can’t you either maintain your roots or revert back to a more natural hair color?
ELIZABETH BANKS // shoes by Christian Louboutin
In the great words of Cher Horowitz, “Not a total Betty, but a vast improvement.” The dress is adorable. The look is sadly under-accessorized, and she looks like a Backstreet Boy with that hair, but at least honey is working some polka-dots.
RASHIDA JONES // dress by Stella McCartney
Another funny lady who I find to be a constant red carpet disappointment. Her makeup is always clownish, her hair never looks done, and her dress is always just a little bit off (and that’s on her good days). This dress suffers from a ruffle over the tummy that doesn’t do her any favors and doesn’t fit her particularly well. Cute shoes, but I’d have picked something darker for this dress.
OLIVIA MUNN // dress by Carolina Herrera
I think we’ve all seen this dress about sixteen thousand times. Olivia, it’s not 2008. If you want to hit the red carpet, you’ve got to get with the program.
LADY GAGA // ensemble by Louis Vuitton
Oh, did you think Gaga was only going to rock her giant poofy hat with one outfit this week? She also decided it would amp up this look, which is nun from the waist up and hooker from the waist down. I can’t say it’s anywhere near as chic as her Tom Ford dress, but at least she’s always keeping us guessing.
JULIANNE MOORE // dress by Jason Wu, shoes by Tabitha Simmons
Grown women need to start boycotting these big, gauzy, flimsy bows. Let’s just say it: they look fucking stupid on all of us, like we’re reluctantly wearing an awful dress our grandmothers bought for us and forced us to wear in public.
ZOOEY DESCHANEL // dress by Moschino, shoes by Yves Saint Laurent
I think there’s a chance that with one less ruffle, I’d have loved this. And perhaps on another woman, I would. Although Zooey’s makeup is still too heavy, it’s not at her usual drag queen level (honestly, she uses more makeup than anyone else to look less made up than everyone else, and it’s infuriating). She’s still working mental patient hair and a dress with more personality than she can carry, but it’s a risk and I respect her for taking it.
KELLY ROWLAND // dress by Versace, shoes by Giuseppe Zanotti
From the knees up, Kelly literally could not look better. Fabulous hair, simple makeup, fun and sexy dress, and a badass Wonder Woman cuff. But those boots? Put down the crack pipe and realize that those boots hit the leg at a very awkward place, throwing off the proportions of the whole look. Furthermore, it’s August. I can’t imagine a need or a desire to wear a boot like this when it’s still the dead of summer. But cut off those hideous shoes, and Kelly looks fan-fucking-tastic.